[Navy_RP_Wife]

So we live here in Hawaii and the islands are not all that big. It seems at least once a week I am running into someone who knows my foster kids. Most of the time, the people say hi and ask us how they are doing, how is ** doing, etc. We answer politely and in very general terms, something like. "** is doing I guess, they don't tell us much" or "The kids have grown so much since we got them, do they look alot different than when you last seen them?" I am not always sure how to respond to these people, they seem interested in telling the kids hi, and being on with it.

But this time we ran into someone who used to be a good friend of **, but that was before ** started messing around with her x. This person was more than happy to run at the mouth, telling me she heard ** is pregnant again, is still drinking, the x is about to kick ** out of the house, etc etc etc Honestly, ** life is worse than a soap opera. But anyways...

What do you do with information like that? The state is filing TPR for my 2 and information such as mom drinking again and possibly being pregnant, would have a huge impact on the case. Do I tell the SW that so and so told me all this and hope they decided to check it out or what? Very confusing, that for sure. If anyone has any advice on what to do with this, please let me know!! Mahalo!!

[janf]

Just what you put in your post raises a red flag with me. I am a bmom and if I were in your shoes I would say something.. Those kids do not need anymore hurt in their life. My heart goes out to you, I will keep you in my prayers

jan

[AmyAnne]

It can't hurt to have it checked into.

[stevenstwin]

I wouldn't put a whole lot of stock in what a disgrunteld former friend says, but I'd pass it on to the social worker and let them do what they want with it. This information seems relevant, anyway. I just ran into someone the other day who wanted to give me some really weird information on the bios in my case...in particular that dad is a cross dresser! LOL! I let that one go in one ear and out the other...I'm not at all sure I believe it anyway, and I can't see the relevance to his ability to parent. ;-)

[jigger]

My case worker asked me to tell her everything. It may come to nothing but I figure it's her job to figure that out and not mine. =)

Good Luck!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I got a lot of that from Bug's aunt in regards to his mother and father after they relapsed and walked away. The thing is, after I got the file to review, all of that information was in there. Seems they (CW) have their way of finding these things out. I think a lot of it might depend on your relationship with your CW. I know in the case of Bear's first CW, I don't think I would have said anything because I just got the feeling that he would misinterpret my intentions. On the other hand, Bug's second CW I would share anything with.

I also think it depends on what stage of CW. The intake workers I have found are not quite as accepting where the permanency and adoption workers have pretty much "seen it all" and have such a good grasp on reality that they understand your information for how it is meant.

I also hope that these people are not saying these things in front of the kids. That would not be very wise of them.

[cheern4gordn]

Boy, did I find out differently! I was informed via formal letter signed by CW and her supervisor and HER supervisor that I was not to be discussing ANYTHING in regards to bio family with anyone whatsoever and that in doing so I was violating bio mom's rights! I had to sign new confidentiality papers and everything! TOTALLY BOGUS!!!! We too live in a small town and being as my fs and his family are from the next door small town it's unrealistic that noone is going to beable to figure out WHO my fs is and who is family is. I shared the info with CW and told her I had NO IDEA if it was true or not but that it had come from someone I consider very trustworthy and that I hoped it could at least be looked into. lol It wasn't like I was sharing info on the family or the case with anyone; this friend was sharing info with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Navy_RP_Wife]

After much pondering about this, I figured out what to do. First, I never told this woman anything that wasn't common knowledge, such as the kids do still visit with mom, I wasn't sure if they were filing TPR, nothing. Otherwise the only talking I did to her was to tell her that they have grown alot, doing well in school, stuff like that. She was the jabber mouth that wanted to disclose everything. I wasn't sure how to tell her to hush so I just let her go. We had stepped a good distance away from the kids and were speaking in quiet voices so they did not hear what she had to say. Later, when they asked what we were talking about, I just said we were talking about how well you are doing now. That was a fine answer for her.

So I emailed the info to the SW and told her I didn't consider this woman real reliable but that I felt they should know and do with the info what they felt was best.

So mom really is pregnant and is feeling overwhelmed, she can not do this anymore and wants to terminate her rights to the kids and put them up for adoption. She is also concerned that this baby will be taken from her also. And she called the SW with this info before the worker had a chance to ask her about it, so I am in the clear for ratting her out, lol!! Well, mom is now in a bunch more hot water because she has stopped doing her service plan to get the kids back, is not seeking prenantal care for this pregnancy as well as back into drinking, etc etc etc Of course, mom did also state she realizes she made a mistake getting pregnant again!! OMG!!!!!

We were asked if it absolutely came down to it, would we take the baby if needed and we said yes. OMG again!! We started all of this with one bio son, hoping to just adopt one more child. And we got 2 and possibly another!!! 1 to 4 kids in just under a year is a little mind boggling! But the baby isn't sue for several months, so we will see what time brings!

[stevenstwin]

Thanks for the update! I've been thinking about your situation, and I'm glad to hear that it worked out on your end. Good luck with everything!

[Navy_RP_Wife]

Mom and the SW were suppose to have a meeting last week but mom called and said she was stuck in traffic and would be late. Unfortunately for her, she looked really stupid because she was stuch in traffic in a town the SW had to drive through at a time there is no traffic!!! SW told the roommate "Tell her I'll see her in court." We were supposed to be in court around Aug.8 for a review, but SW said we will be in court within a month and now the GAL is coming on Wednesday for a visit, only the second one the whole time we have had the kids. I assume we will be in court within a couple of weeks if he is coming here. I guess they are assuming mom isn't going to challenge the TPR, not that she has a lot of ground to stand on there. DH deploys at the end of August for Iraq so it would be great for us if the TPR is done, so that we can get busy with getting this family together. Still might have to fight a cousin of mom's that wants the kids, but mom herself would now like the kids to stay with us as she can see they are happy, adjusted well and bonded with us.

Will keep ya updated!