[mom2GRLC]

We were supposed to go to court in 2 1/2 weeks to adopt our fs we've had since he was 8 weeks old. He's now 19months. We just found out today that his birthmom has appealed (which means we are looking at another 6months to a year before that prrocess is over and possibly longer. I am so upset. I have been very involved with theri case from the very begining. This bmom has done NOTHING to get her child back, she has showed up positive for drugs to each court hearing and has only showed up negative twice for drug tests within the last year and a half.)

I am so frustrated because we were finally going to be done with DHS, my husband had already put in his papers to change jobs and move to a new base. Now all of our plans will have to be changed, and we will be stuck here probably at least another year to two years. All because his birthmother won't put his needs above her own problems. She doesn't even want to parent him, she is just getting back at the system. (which in turn is hurting us and hurting her bson.) There is NO WAY...she will win an appeal. This was one of those "gauranteed things" because of her extensive history and current conditions that have only gotten worse since he came into fostercare.

I am just so mad right now!!!! I'm not afraid of loosing him to the appeal....because I KNOW SHE WON"T WIN!!! I'm just mad that she is screwing with our life and all of our plans so badly. What little respect I did have for her is now completely GONE!!!

[bumpkin]

I am so sorry. How frustrating it must be, especially if it is changing your life plans.

Has the cw discussed a possible voluntary relinquishment if you agree to send a letter and pictures each year, anonymously???? Maybe if bmom's atty talks to her and let's her no how fruitless the appeal will be, she will see that she can get something out of this???

just a thought. Thinking of you today.

[bjhv5]

I am so sorry!! I have a feeling we will be in your shoes with J and the 4 sibs.We go to trial on J the 9th and the other 4 end of JUNe and I know all parents will appeal to no avail but to drag it out!

Hopefully it will move fast for you.
Hang in there.

[stevenstwin]

I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope she has some sort of epiphany and decides to let go. Here in Alberta the new legislation states that after TPR (called PGO here), all appeals have to be DONE - filed, tried and decided - within 30 days. Thank God! I wish they'd do that everywhere.

[lambeausam]

Sorry this is happening. Are you sure the appeal is going to be heard? In some cases, the appeal will be screened for merit or basis. If the appeal does not have merit, then it will be denied and not heard. You may want to ask if a hearing is automatic or if the appeal will be screened.

Sam

[mom2GRLC]

I just got off the phone with my fs attorney and she explained the process.

Birthmom had 30 days from the time TPR was filed (not court date). We thought he was legally free on Easter morning =0( we just found out that monday of this week was the actual last day she could appeal and she did.

She has court in a week or two that she has to show up to prove that she can't afford an attorney (which she has to attend or else she will have to find her own attorney and pay for it). Once she shows (court would only be about 5 minutes) and the appeal process has begun. I also found out that the best case scenerio is actually more like a year before we will hear anything and it could be longer if something comes up.

I also found out it may be possible for us to move out of state with him and just come back and finalize the adoption when the appeal is over(but I've heard horror stories, one from a good friend who was going to do the same thing and right before they were to leave they took the child and placed him in another home and denied the fact they were going to let them bring him with them. So I'm a little scared to go that route.

I hate that once again....OTHER PEOPLE have so much control over OUR life.

I have already offered to send pictures and updates and gave birthmom our p.o.box to write him. She has not written him as of yet. She also lives right by us and drives past our home all the time. She has known where we lived for a while and her boyfriend has even waved at me once as they drove by....but she has never said anything or stopped or anything. (Which to be honest I am glad about....because i don't want her over here all the time and overstepping boundaries).

But now I would really like to talk to her. See if I can tug at her heart stings a little and ask her to put her son first and give him the life he deserves.

Now that she has signed those papers to appeal only she can drop it....otherwise we are looking at over a year before we can even think about doing anything. Which may not seem like a long time...but for us that is an eternity. It means changing our whole life plans....havign my husband turn down a wonderful job opportunity and for us to finally live close to our family and start a new life away from DHS and everyone we know. Where we can just be known as a family instead of a foster/adoptive family. Where nosey...good hearted people constantly make very hurtful comments and stuff.

Urggg...I'm so mad right now. Everything seemed to be moving along perfectly. We didn't even expect to be able to do the adoption until Sept and then they told us we would be doing it June 13th....and now this!!! =0(

[hesabanana]

I am so sorry....what an awful story.

[Nicole Elaine]

I'm sorry to hear about this. I've been reading all your posts and this is just so sad for your little son and your family. I hope all goes well, keep us posted. You'll be in my prayers tonight!

[jojobear]

i can sympathize with you. We went through the exact same thing. Almost to the exact time frame. Our son who is now adopted was placed with us on 12-15-03 at the time he was 16 months old and had bounced all around never in the care of biomom and biodad. I cringe to think of his first year of life. Biomom terminated rights in 5-2004 she was going back to jail. Biodad on the other hand wanted him back, why, not to parent but because he was his, he came from him he belonged to him. Rights were termintated on biodad in 1-2005. Then he appealed. Biodad lost appeal had nothing to stand on. It was never heard in the courts just reviewed for merit. Denied. We finially got to adopt our son 12-15-2005 exactly two years to the day he came home. It couldn't of worked out better. Your cw should be able to get you a court order and you should be able to go in front of the judge to get a court order allowing you to move. As long as they can contact someone in that state and see if they will do the monthly visits with your family. I would check into that and see. What ever they say make sure to get it in an official form. Good luck to you and your family.

Jody

[mom2GRLC]

I think we havepretty much given up on our plans to move at this point. I don't want to take any chances of lossing him. He's my son and I couldn't bare the thought of him not being in my life and something going wrong.

We will still talk to the attorney and everyone at the staffing and see what would need to be done to move with him...but I'm really not sure I want tot take the chance.

I am really bummed about all this now. I mean really bummed. At first I was like...well maybe there is a reason behind all this..it will be ok...then i got super mad...and now I am kinda depressed about it. I still have faith that it will all work out for the best....but att he same time I just think "WHY" why did this have to happen....and what if she does win on some stupid technicality....what if I do loose my son....especially to her....she is in NO position to care for him like he deserves. I would much rather loose him to another anxiously waiting loving adoptive family then to her. Not that I want to loose him at all.....but you know what I mean.

URGGG.... I can't believe this is happening =0(

[mom2GRLC]

honestly I'm still in this huge cloud of DENIAL about it.

I mean how can she even think she can be a good mother to him.....she hates the life she had growing up in and out of fostercare.....yet she is doing the same thing to her son, making him grow up in the system...and for what? She knows she can't parent him. Drugs are her life. Why won't she just give him a chance at a good life and let him go.

It's not like she'll never have contact with him....I mean I've already given her our p.o. box and a bunch of pictures through-out all this time (which she keeps loosing...as she gets kicked out of this place or that.)

I just don't understand....WHY...she would want to do this to HIM or to us.

NO...I just can't believe it....not until I hear she has actually gone to court and taken the next step in the process of getting her (free) attorney. Until then I'm hoping and praying she will have a change of heart. Hoping she will do what is best for her son. He does not deserve to go through this and neither do we. There is no way she can win this appeal.....I mean she is doing worse now than she was when this case started. I just don't see how ANY JUDGE could give her back her rights knowing the facts of this case. Yet I know it happens all the time...I just can't imagine how I would feel if she did win....I can't imagine how I would feel if My son was taken away....arrrg...I don't even want to think about it!!!!!

[Tudu]

Our kids are in the appeal process, too. It is very frustrating that they can not under the best of circumstances raise these children yet they are appealing. In our situation DFCS has offered an open adoption with visits and they refuse to back down. I can understand their hope that they will get them back b/c they are not capable of fully understanding the legalities. Even their lawyer told them it was a waste of time.

I am here with you. Let's see who gets to finish line first. Ready, set, go.

[meowylyn]

I am here with you, too!

We are also waiting on an appeal. The lack of control is so frustrating!

[yanknrebel]

We have just gone through the same thing. We got our twins at 5 months of age in August 2004. The bf surrendered right away after DNA proved his paternity. The biomom has already lost 2 other children. They were given to the bf. The twins are by a different bf. Well then she had another daughter after the twins, who is about a year now. SHe gave that baby away willingly to her step brother and his wife to adopt. So WHY does she want the twins? I think because she has always wanted a son, and all the other children are girls. She would always hold her son, but totally ignore his twin sister, even during supervised visits, which I was allowed to stay for. The cw so noted. The biomom could not even call the baby girl by name. SHe is the one that named her. Well biomom was finally tpred in Oct (should have been AUgust but the DCS atty did not file appropriate papers in a timely manner). SO biomom got an extra 2 months to appeal and of course she did the last DAY that she was able to. So we had to sit back and wait, and wait and wait. Well, the biomom receives disability payments from the state. As soon as she received word that she had to start paying child support on her twins back to the state from her disability checks, she called DCS and withdrew her appeal. So we will be finalizing the twins adoption on June 22. YAY!!! We cannot wait. THEN we are done with foster care, after adopting 3 kids, having 2 bio kids, a SIL and a new grandson.



yanknrebel

[Boulderbabe]

FWIW, I've heard several birthparents talk about "wanting the kid to know I fought for him." They appeal not because they want to parent, or because they think they'll win, but because they don't want their children to think they gave up on them.

It's hard, but try and see this as the best expression of her love for your/her son that she's capable of making. And, as best you can, ride it out.