[japit823]

We have our 2 newphews for the third time in 71/2 years. We had them 12/98 - 9/00. We had them again from 2/04 - 9/04 and from what I understand litigation was stopped but DYFS was never able to close the case that time because of all of the problems. We've had them this time since 1/4/06. (so this is the same case?)

On Saturday we got court papers from uncle (bio parents evicted from apartment after boys removed and are living with him) He wants custody of boys. Monday boys school called, uncle called saying "how do I get MY KIDS records" (know it was uncle by work phone # & name) Monday afternoon GAL called, said not to worry about papers, it is bull. CW came Monday night and told us parents were notified last week, that TPR was filed. (that explains the uncles court papers) Tuesday we got papers from court saying hearing was denied because he isn't a party to the case.

Now we just got a phone call yesterday from the new CW. She is the adoption CW! I haven't even found out when the TPR court date is yet. I thought we would have to wait and see what happened at court. She told me we have to do Pre adoptive medical & dental checkups on the boys, a home study, Pride classes etc. She asked me if I have life books for the boys. I don't so she is bringing them. (I don't even know what they are) She will be coming to see us on 6/5 and discuss the adoption process....I am nervous, excited, happy, my head is spinning and I am not sleeping well. Does all this usually happen before court? We have never been through this and don't know what to expect. From what I have read here its going to be a long drawn out process of postponements, appeals etc. Can anyone tell us what to expect. Once DYFS files for TPR, are they pretty sure that it will be granted? What should we do? Advise please!!!!!!!!

[DianeScraps]

In my area they won't file for TPR unless they are pretty darn sure they will get it. And our adoption worker was assigned to us before the TPR, she also worked with bios to get information from them for the lifebooks.

We have a lifebook/scrapbook section right here :-D
http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=31

[SheldeMuse]

I'm happy for these boys that they have you. With your history with them, and the CW efforts to move to permanency, you should expect all good stuff with just normal levels of red tape and confusion.

Kinship placements like yours are often a challenge for workers because the potential adoptive parents just sort of sidestepped into it, haven't thought it through, and may not be ready to be parents. From all the details in your email, I bet they have identified your family as an absolute TREASURE for your nephews -- you're stable, you love them, and you've been involved in their lives for the long term.

First things first - decide to sleep well! You will have a lot of things to learn in the coming months, but they will all be so much help for you and your family.

Next, get to those PRIDE classes. They will cover a lot of material, from the court process to the issues faced by children who have had multiple caregivers, neglect, and abuse. You will be able to put these things to use right away, as they will explain some different behaviors you might see in your nephews. You might also want to buy "Parenting the Hurt Child" and read it a few times. It will give you some perspective on your situation and specific things to do with your boys to help them feel secure and permanent.

Once you've done these two things, you will be well-positioned to wait out the TPR, any appeals, and the sham of the uncle trying to get custody. Focus your energies on your family, and do what you can not to worry about the nonsense.

Best wishes!

[japit823]

Thank you for the well wishes and info. I will keep you posted as things happen.

[japit823]

Well our new CW came yesterday. She had us filling out all sorts of paper work. We had to fill out papers for home study. She asked about changing the boys names ( but we can't tell the boys about it) she needed to know how our other 3 children feel about it, she had us start the subsidy paperwork, we went over life books, she gave me information to set up PRIDE classes. What bothered me though is she said she doesn't usually get these cases until they are already on guardianship docket. DYFS has filed for TPR, we go to court 7/12 for what is supposed to be a compliance hearing (continued from 4/6) and from what I understand the judge will decide then if it will become a guardianship case. Will the BP have the same CW (adoption) we have or keep the original one?

[SheldeMuse]

Asking your worker should help clear things up. There can be a blinding array of different social workers, and the differences make little sense to us. We came in as fost-adopt parents, so we had our adoption worker, the kids had a worker, and the kids had an adoption worker. After TPR the kids' adoption worker became their only worker.

Could be different where you are, but as you note it would seem odd to have you, the birthparents, and the kids all represented by the same worker. Unless she said otherwise, this worker may be just your worker.

I hope you're sleeping better. Recharging is vital, especially with 5 kids in the house!

[japit823]

I have such nausea. I spoke to the GAL this afternoon, she talked to the boys the 7 year old wants to stay here, the 10 year old want to stay but see mom & dad now the GAL says that she will fight for KLG , but she doesn't see them being able to be returned. The thing I can't stand is with KLG is that DYFS and GAL is off case and the parents can take us back to court every 6 months to get them back (if I understand the way KLG works) We signed the boys up for deck hockey, right now my DH is on his way there. Right before he left we found out BF & uncle are planning on going. DH is going to tell them that they are not welcome there. Now I sit here waiting to see the Fireworks from 10 miles away.