[AlekseiGirl]

Hello all, has anyone been to a TPR hearing? My fd's is June 29, and I got my "invitation" today. Not sure if I should go or not. Not sure if I want to or not. LOL

So, just wondering what it is like, will I just sit in the "audience" or will the judge want to talk to me? As her adoptive-mom-to-be I don't want to seem uninterested. All opinions are welcome!

P.S. Birth parents will probably not be at the hearing. They are not allowed to leave the facility they are in.

[swanzie]

Boy do I feel like I have run the race with my placement. This is my first placement - it lasted a year and I have been thru the mill and thru TPR.

We just had our TPR hearing at the beginning of the month. I was supoened and I testified.

I personally would show up if you are interested in adopting the children. I think it shows the judge he is not making orphans of the children because you have an interest. I think it could have its advantages later in life when the kids have questions - you will have answer (hopefully) I attended all pre-trial court dates also and the judge ALWAYS asked me how the kids were doing....once he asked me if I wanted to adopt - I wasn't ready to answer him then! Actually I said on the stand that I would like to but I have reservations. I do - my kids are older 7 & 14 with mild rad and depression and post traumatic stress syndrome. So there are alot of issues to go thru first. Yesterday we had our final visit with bioM and I think I am the only one who is extremely emotional about it - I still am feeling guilty about stealing someones kids. Ok - I didn't steal them...but I can honestly say I never went into it with the hopes of adopting. I wanted to take the pressure off of getting pregnant and live life helping others and hopefully then I would become pregnant....I didn't go into this with the vision of adopting a teen!!

On the other hand - some foster parents don't like to get involved and let the cards fall where they may, for a variety of reasons. I think even if I was not interested in adopting (which I haven't decided yet on the two I have) I needed to be there to know the whole story. It gave me a better perspective on what the kids have gone thru and in some cases what you may face in the future.

So in conclusion, I had to go to the TPR hearing until I testified...then I was free to stay and listen to the rest or go as I saw fit. I found the whole thing to be very emotional. I just think I am too soft for this whole process and I feel the pain that the bioM should have been feeling. At least our attachment therapist believes that it is good for the children to see that I have these emotions. I don't see the good in it - but he turned it around like it was a good thing. Maybe because I did have emotion to these life altering days and the bioM didn't...I don't fully get it...i am still stuck in the fact that this mother doesn't have her kids and I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER. In some respects I guess its the best for the kids as she does have mental problems. But the mothering part of me HATES the idea of it all. She has been involved with DSS for 20 years and 4 kids have now been taken away...so its more than a quick fix problem to fix what's wrong in her life. I just cant help having my heart ache for her, even if hers is not aching the way it should be.

Hope this helps - I guess it is all still raw with me so I don't have the go or not go answer you are looking for. I do suggest you go - but just be prepared to answer questions from the judge.

Best of luck,

[AlekseiGirl]

Swanzi,
Thank you for your honest answer. I expect it will be very emotional as well. I'm a single mom, and I really would like to bring someone along for moral support. Any suggestions? Will I even be allowed to bring someone?

Thanks,
Stephanie

[swanzie]

In my state you are not even allowed in the court house if you are not a party to the case. So I am assuming this would be the case almost anywhere.

However, I did have the support of DSS office and the states attorney was extremely helpful. He walked me thru every step of the case and went over some types of questions he would be asking when I was on the stand. I also hung out with the kids adoption sw and their old sw who was also there - they even had me in the DSS little conference room so I didn't have to sit and be starred at by the bioM. Other than that I would walk outside and call my husband to give him updates. Our case went on for 4 days before the mother signed over her rights.

[5starday]

I would definitely go to the TPR Hearing! We have always been told that it is important for the Judge to see you, as the foster parent, during this hearing. He/She may even ask you questions, as we were asked at our fd's hearing.

The TPR is an extremely important step in your family's life. If you plan to adopt this child, you will definitely want to be there. This is a horrible analogy, but it is sort of like a passing of the torch. (sorry, couldn't think of any other way to make that sound okay)

If the birth parents will not be there, it is so important that the judge sees that you are there to support this child.

Good luck!

[AlekseiGirl]

5starday~
Thank you for your reply. What you wrote absolutely makes sense. I was already leaning towards going, but you gave me the extra push. Thanks!

[stevenstwin]

I was sincerely hoping NOT to go. My foster son is 15 - he is opposing the TPR and has terrible mixed feelings and divided loyalty. He WANTS to go home, but if he can't, he wants to be with us. I'd hoped to just avoid the trial altogether so as not to put him in an even more painful position - BUT I've been subpoenad to testify. I am NOT looking forward to this!

[mallory4]

We did attend the hearing for our fson. Bmom had already voluntarily TPRd and so the hearing was just for bdad. He did not show up, and he hadn't paid his attorney so the attorney left without representing him, so it was a quick TPR--the GAL and the attorney for the state each questioned the caseworker, and the Judge terminated rights. It took about 15 minutes.

We sat in the audience, the Judge did not speak to us except to acknowledge our presence and thank us for being there.

I am glad we went, for the reason the others have stated, that we want to be able to tell him about it if he ever asks. Of course, we don't really know why bdad didn't show up, but we will present that decision in the best light possible--that he knew R was in a loving family and didn't want to mess that up for him, as he was unprepared to parent.

About taking a friend to the courthouse for support--you may want to ask your caseworker. Even if there is a rule that only certain people may be in the courtroom, your caseworker may be able to add your friend's name to the list for you.

Good luck.

[oliviasmom2be]

I wanted to let you know that we went to EVERY court hearing for our son. I know it seems daunting but in retrospect, I am so happy that I had the chance to hear everything first hand. I was very lucky in that his parents never showed for a single hearing. With my fd, I am not allowed to go until the DI in her case deems that I am an interested party. I believe I will be served for the TPR hearing and will definitely go! The only advice I can give is to leave your daughter home if the parents are going to be there. In our case, because the child is unable to speak for herself (which I also believe is true in your case), she does not have to be present. You are her voice in the courts eyes. My friend brought her fd and the ** had a complete meltdown in the courtroom. Not a good situation. Good luck. Let me know how it goes, Tiffany

[SheldeMuse]

We did not attend the TPR for the 3 birthparents of our 2 kids. The original TPR date was just a month after the children were placed with us, so getting a babysitter for the little one was not an option.

We had no problems with depending on the social workers to make their case. One parent had not made any efforts to have visits in the 18 months her daughter was in care, the other two had stopped showing up for visits when services were terminated.

We also were not particularly interested in running into the birth parents.

The TPR got bumped the first time. The next month one of the court-appointed attorneys for the birthparents requested a trial. Hadn't had any contact with the BPs, mind you, just earning their fee. The SWs see it as reducing any grounds for appeal. We didn't attend the trial either, poor CW had to go through all of the grilling. In the absence of any birthparent info, the parent's attorney just challenged the adoptability of the kids. So, clearly I would have felt useful if I'd gone, but the judge still ruled for termination.

So, you might not have regrets about not attending.

[Mel in NEPA]

I have attended every court date my foster children have had. My two younger ones had a TPR in April, and I'm very glad I went. I felt it let the judge know we are very interested and involved, even though we spoke not a word to anyone during the hearing.

My 15 yr old has to be at his hearings, and I wouldn't leave him go in there alone. He needs our support, and I'm happy to give it to him.

I am also a bit of a control freak, so I like to know everything that's going on. hehehe

[SheldeMuse]

Originally Posted by Mel in NEPA

I am also a bit of a control freak, so I like to know everything that's going on. hehehe

I had to use the same logic about not going -- didn't want to get sucked along in something I had no control over!

[bjhv5]

We are in the middle of pre trial and TPR hearing for all ours.

We have gone to every hearing JR and pre trial that has happened with J and our TPR trial is next FRIDAY I pray all goes well.
With our other 4 we went to the JR/permancy hearing and the pre trial is set for the 14th we plan on being there.
It helps the judge to see that these children are in a home that cares.And in our case I am glad we were there because the bparents were lieing( with all 5 kiddos) and I had to step up and tell the truth.I do not know if we would be going to TPR right now if I had not been there because bparents had told me things that SW had not been told by BP.
If at all possible then go! It is an eye opener to say the least.
I know here the JUDGE has a set order with the baliffs to let all foster parents in the court room and ask if there are any FP waiting for a case outside the court room.