[Petsitter]

My husband and I have been looking in to ALL ways to adopt. Last year we attended an orientation for the county foster care/adoption. We were told that unless we could accept "teenage AA boys in silbling groups of three or more" that they basically had no use for us. We are hoping to adopt 1-2 children up to age 5. Are we being unrealistic? We have no children, and I don't think that we are prepared for 3 teenage sons!

Thanks so much for listening!

[aunlanpo]

We are hoping to adopt 1-2 children up to age 5. Are we being unrealistic?

What was the reasoning behind their decision? Are there any disabilities between you? Are you of older age?

[fostadoptblog]

Hi Petsitter -
I agree what is the reasoning they gave you? there are lots of waiting children, and in foster - adopt you can get younger children as well. You can adopt foster children from outside your county if you are willing to take children with 'issues'. (I hate that word)..

You could go to various Heart Galleries to see a few children available. Here is one example:
http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/title-32

Please give us more details!!

[Petsitter]

That was what they said to the whole group in the orientation. Said that if we couldn't agree to taking a placement like that, we would not even be called in for MAPP classes.


I actually spoke with a worker in the next county over and she said that very few of the foster placements go on to adoption, and if we wanted to adopt it would be a child over the age of 6.

My husband and I are in our mid 30's. He is in middle management in the Tech field and is currently working on his masters. I am self-employed and able to be very flexible so that I can care for the children. We have no children of our own. No issues, health, or otherwise. We have been togther for over 7 years. Went through the IVF and ended up in emergency surgery because of it. No desire to repeat.

I read your stories of getting babies as young as 3 days old. It seems as though that may never be an option for us...

[momma2many]

In Arkansas they jump through hoops for foster families. We adopted a child that was placed with us 2 weeks after our home was opened. Dont get me wrong it took a few years and alot of heartache but he is our son now.

Anna

[ALI143]

I was told there were no babies too which was just fine with us, but then after a year of waiting for a 0-12 year old our worker (along with committee) decides a 0-3 year old would work the best in our family dynamics SO the flood gates absolutely open up with toddlers! We had to turn several committees down for 18 month olds to 3 year olds. We ended up with an 11 month old PERFECT (in my eyes) baby girl! Her foster mom had three under a year old at one time for over a year. The little kids are there it just requires waiting, waiting, waiting. In fact an Oregon caseworker told me last month that they have plenty of teen homes open it's the littler ones they are in desperate need of homes for. ???

[msdoie]

We were told at our training classes if we were there to adopt a pefect blond hair blue eyed baby boy then we were in the wrong place. We had no idea what we were in for but we felt like it was what we were supposed to do. And guess what we got?! A perfect blond hair blue eyed baby boy! You never know what will happen.

[momma2many]

we also got a perfect blond haired blue eyed baby boy and a perfect baby girl that looks like me

[Davidsmom17]

I just started Pride classes here in NJ and the agency I am using told us they have more calls for baby placements than people to send them to. They told us to prepare for a short wait. Guess it just depends on where you live.
Laurie

[sfbaymom2000]

They said something similar in our classes: if you want a perfect blond-haired, blue-eyed girl under three...

I think they are trying to weed out people with unrealistic expectations. We wanted 2-5 years old, and they kept asking if we'd consider an infant! I really thought we'd be matched with a Hispanic child (we are Caucasian). Our daughter ended up looking a lot like us...people are usually shocked to learn she is adopted. They often comment that my two girls look alike. Funny how things turn out sometimes. By the way, we were matched 8 months after we first applied .

Don't be discouraged, but do start reading up on attachment.

[akcskye]

I agree with all of the above.

The wait is really subjective, too.

Hubby and I have no bios, he's 43, and I'm 32...open to ages 0 to 9, group size 1 to 4, and have been waiting since January with NO referral.

We're even qualified to adopt Native American (I'm registered Cherokee)...so, what gives?

It's God's timing is all.

They do let out the expectations in orientation. A lot of people don't understand that foster to adopt isn't the same "beast" that newborn domestic adoption is...and so getting those expectations out of the way now saves the heart ache down the road.

BEST OF LUCK!!!

[yanknrebel]

It is MOST DEFINTELY GOD'S timing!!! We spent 10 years going through secondary infertility, miscarriages, failed adoptions and failed IVF. We then went to a foster agency and we were told the same thing. If we were not willing to accept african american teen boys with several siblings then we were wasting our time as well as theirs. While my husband and I would gladly accept an AA as a placement, we already had our bio son and daughter ages 13 and 15. We wanted a child 0-5. So we left very discouraged. We then got involved in a private adoption, and 2 weeks before hte delivery of the baby, the biomom changed her mind. Well since this biomom had already lost 5 of her other children to foster care and then adoption, we knew this baby would be headed the same way. So, as a fluke, we got involved with our local Dept of children's services foster/adoption program. In hopes that since we already had the ICPC filled out, all we would have to wait on would be WHEN the baby came into care. He did come into care at 2 weeks of age. However they were in LA and we were in TN. He was placed in LA fostercare. We were licensed in Oct 2001, and on Feb1, 2002 we were called about a baby girl 30 minutes BEFORE she was even born. Of course we said yes!!! SHe was EXACTLY what I had been praying for. A beautiful brown eyed beauty with dimples and ringlets. That description could have been handwritten by me. God and the angels must have hear me!!! We have since adopted her. We were then blessed with a set of twins. TWINS being another life long dream come true for me. I always wanted twins even as a little girl. We got them first at 3 weeks, (only had for 3 days) then returned to biom. They came back into care at 5 months and we have had them ever since. They are 2. We will be signing the adoption papers hopefully this week.. They are BEAUTIFUL blonde haired , blue eyed . One boy and One girl. Perfectly healthy and happy!!!

I was given a little advice by my cw when we first got into fostercare and going through our PATH classes. We were told to be licensed to foster, foster to adopt AND be willing to take legal risk placements. That was how we got our first baby girl at birth. There were over 100 families that wanted an infant and had been waiting. However NONE of them were willing to accept a legal risk placement, EXCEPT US!! So, while there may be some lulls between the county getting infants in, or having infants that are not taken in by gp or relatives, they do come around. Esp. with all the influx of meth users, here in our county they have been rampant and that means there have been many babies come into care as of late. SO just pray about it, be willing to take legal risk placements and definitely foster. If you foster, you will most likely get younger babies. You must be able to handle if they are returned.

Good luck and just know that it IS possible.

yanknrebel
mom to 5
MIL to 1 and GRAMMY to 1

[volkswitt]

i called about my initial application yesterday. the sw said she would call me right back when she got to her desk. never got a call. welcome to nation foster care week!

[mallory4]

We, too, were told at our agency's orientation for foster/adopt that there was little chance we would be able to foster adopt a black or biracial boy under age 5, which is what we were asking for.

In fact, even though we clearly said black or biracial and up to age 5, the social worker fussed at us for wanting "a blond cheerleader's baby" and a "healthy blond infant".

I guess they are just on auto-pilot because they get so many requests for the same thing?

We went through the orientation anyway, and the homestudy. When the same worker came out to do our homestudy, she said it could be a year or two before we were matched.

Once the homestudy was completed, we called her every other week to make sure she was keeping us in mind.

It was three months until we were matched with a biracial boy age 14 months.

So, just hang in there. If there are other agencies that handle foster care for your county, go to their orientations, too, and pick the one that feels right to you--all agencies are not created equal!

[jaenelle]

I was told by our state agency that if we wanted a child less than 7, not to even bother signing up for MAPP classes, because it wasn't going to happen. And *that* was after calling them probably a dozen times with no response at all. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but on we go to domestic infant adoption, so I just hope that will work out for us. I found them very unhelpful, for the most part.