[dawnmei]

I'm cross-posting this because I'm not quite sure where it belongs.

I completed my homestudy almost a year ago, with the intent to adopt girl (or girls) in the 5-9 age range. I originally chose that age range because she/they would be able to attend the school I teach at, and I was pretty realistic about the chances of adopting a young child without being a foster parent first. I have not had much success at a match thus far.

I now have the opportunity to submit my homestudy for a child just under 2. I have been in contact with the child's worker, letting her know that my homestudy is geared toward older children. She suggested that I could personally include something with my homestudy to make it more "age-appropriate." Aside from daycare issues and safety considerations for a younger child, what points would you suggest I address or what issues should I bring up in my explanation?

[teachtofost]

When I received my FS at birth, the fact that I have summers off was a big help. It is difficult for most working foster parents to take a newborn. Daycare hasn't been a big issue. I just started working to find someone right away. Financially having a newborn wasn't bad because I was prepared for it. I already had a crib and baby clothes.

The bigget issue I have faced is the number of days that I need off for dr. visits, evaluations and hearing tests (3 so far). Our principal is new so it is a little worrisome.

I think it helped that I already knew the school system. That way the various support groups didn't seem scary. The placement people look positively at teachers here because of the amount of time off we have.

[mallory4]

Dh and I are both employed in education. We interviewed for our toddler in March, and the idea that we would both be around to be hands-on for most of the summer seemed like it was viewed positively.

You might also want to make sure it is clear from whatever papers the child's caseworker is going to see, that your reasons for specifying an older child were not that you don't want to deal with the "terrible 2's" or potty-training, etc., but that you thought your chances of a younger child were few and far between.

We had an age range of up to 5 years, so were surprised that we ended up with a 14 month old. You just never know!

[WhoKnew]

If you have prepared yourself for older kids, I would suggest reading Toddler Adoption by Mary Beth Hopkins. It can be a bit scary, but helps you prepare for the unique challenges in adopting a toddler. A friend of mine was matched with an 18 month-old and everything seemed to be smooth sailing. Now, after two years she is having some emotional issues. Toddlers not babies who won't remember anything, yet they are too young to comprehend what is going on or to express their fears and worries verbally.

Not trying to be negative; just trying to help you prepare. Congrats on the possible match!

[mallory4]

Who Knew hit the nail on the head; when our son arrived at 14 months he was very aware of the losses he had sustained, and very fearful of strangers from being moved 3 times in one month. And, since he didn't talk, he couldn't ask questions.

He was very upset, and 6 months later when he did learn to talk, some of his first words were the names of people in his first home ( a foster home) who he had not seen in 8 or 9 months, and who we did talk about with him, but not very frequently. It was heartbreaking.

Also challenging for us was that not being able to talk + anxiety issues about all the moves = hours and hours of whining each day. As sorry as we felt for him, it was very hard to live with.

I agree that it is a very hard time for kids to be moved, and anything you can read, or anyone you can talk with who has been through it, would be very helpful.