[bjhv5]

We have had J for 1 year now and we just got word that he will be TPR'd and the goal changed to adoption.How soon can and should we start calling him his new name? He is now 31 months.

[MamaTo6]

We were not allowed to call our son by his new name until TPR had occured. Until TPR the baby was still D's legal son and we had to call him by the name he was given. I have read many different views on this so I think talking to your SW is the best way to go. BTW Congratulations.

[mallory4]

The legality of changing his name is one question, and I think I have read several times that until TPR has happened, it is not okay. As many on these boards can attest, lots of folks are told TPR will happen and then it does not. No need to confuse a child unnecessarily.

The question of whether you should change his name in the first place, is another question and one which has been debated several times on the boards.

In our son's case, his first foster mom made the decision when he was a few days old to call him by something other than his given name, and his next foster home was not informed of the made-up name, so called him by his given name--which, at 14 months he had never heard. One more layer of confusion for him to deal with as a result of that move

[mom2GRLC]

I would talk to the social worker about starting to introduce the childs new name in conjunction with his first name...so it can start becoming a part of him, so when the adoption happens you can complete the transition.

We changed all three of our childrens names....and started to introduce them after TPR hearing but before the adoption, so that the adoption day became a complete transition for the child. Which they were all very happy about.

My fs we have had since he was 8 weeks old and he is now 16 months. We've known all along he was going to be up for adoption, so we picked out a name for him very early on. He knows both names and responds to each....actually he knows several names. The social workers, doctors and I call him by his first original name. His birthfamily calls him by his middle original name and we also call him by what his new name will be, along with other little nick names like "little man" and that sort of thing. He is not confused...he responds to all of them. The social worker knows we have been introducing him to his new name and she is fine with it. We have slipped in front of his family during the visits a few times calling him by his new name....but quickly correct ourselves out of respect for his family. So i'm sure they already have realized that we intend to change his name. We have been very open with them about our other children and how we picked out their name....but they have not directly asked us what his new name will be so we will not offer to tell them until after the TPR or after the adoption.....out of respect for them.

[bjhv5]

Our GAL and SW have asked what we want to change his name to and told us to start thinking about it so we can have it ready when we go to court for adoption.We have known for several months that TPR will happen of course it is not OFFICIAL yet and things can happen we know this.I would not call him anyother name in front of bmom. But his visits have been stopped with her for about 2 months now.

[mckenna]

with my son, i started using his new name right after his bmom terminated her own rights. my son's adoption was not final for another year after that, but it was going to happen, so i started then.

with my daughter, she came to me at 6 weeks and was a foster/adopt placement. i started calling her, her new name immediately. i knew it would be too hard for my son to switch mid stream. she is now 14 months old and her adoption is going to happen but it is still not final.

i did not tell the sw or gal that we called my daughter something else (i know it was not right, so don't flame me). anyway i was always worried that my son would call her the name we use, in front of them. i was the one that slipped up. the gal said "what did you call her" i then explained and she said, why didn't you tell, me so i could use her name too! after that i felt much better and told the case worker too, who was fine with it.

[niandca]

We started calling our fd her new name when she was 2 about a month before tpr trial. Bparents relinquished right about then. Fd didn't seem to notice the change. Our son was then 8.5 & he did not have any difficulty, either.

Bmom was told name was changed at finalization, when dd was 3. She did not ask what it was changed to for a whole year. Then I told her the new name but it took her awhile to use it. Now she uses it but I am told by someone who runs into her now & then, that bmom still talks of dd as if she is away at camp...and still refers to her with old name.

[MomInAL]

Our kids are older (15, 11 and 9) and TPR happened in Feb (Bdad signed papers the morning of court). The CW came to our house the next day to explain it to the kids. As soon as they heard about changing their names, they started coming up with their "new" names! The boys (11 and 9) can't wait to start using them, although we haven't started yet. The meeting with the CW was on a Friday and the 11 yo wanted to know if they could announce his "new" name on Monday at school over the loudspeaker so everyone would know!!

We have decided that since school is close to being over (in May here in Alabama!) that we will wait until summer to transition names and they can start the new school year with their new names. I haven't talked to the school yet, but I will before the end of this school year. Also, our CW told us that she thinks we should be able to finalize by the end of the summer, so they will "officially" have their new names when school starts anyway.

BTW, the 11 year old was a "Jr." named after his bio-dad. I wondered if he would want to keep at least part of his name, but he didn't. He did think once about taking DH's name, but decided he liked another name better! I know they may change their minds again before we finalize, but right now it looks like we will have a Steve and a Danny for the boys.

I've posted elsewhere about the 15 yo. She is not so sure about adoption yet and we are not pressuring her to make a decision right now. I believe she will come around, but I don't think it's in her best interest to force her to make a decision right now. BTW, she does have a "new" name picked out though!

MomInAL
DD 18, DD 16, guardian to D 16
FD 15, FS 11, FS 9 (siblings - TPR'd on 2/16/06)

[mab_123]

We started calling our 4 yr old (the only one we changed) new name after TPR. They CW said to wait "just in case".

Just ask. It may be different where your at.

Good luck

[ALI143]

Since it doesn't sound like the caseworker has a problem with it why not start introducing it to him now. You could do the two name thing until he recognizes it alone. Sometimes calling him just the new one alone. Maybe when the TPR feels more real for you you'll feel more entitlment and know when to start his new name.

Congratulations!

[5starday]

We got A when she was 4 months old. She had a first name, but no middle name.

The first foster parents called her a shortened variation of her birth name (which is a long 5 syllable name!). When she came to us, we didn't mind the nickname, but already knew 3 other children we were close to that had that same exact name. So, we let our son pick out her name.

Surprisingly, it too was a shortened variation of her birthname. The case manager and the GAL were happy to have this short name because of the lengthy birth name. They both said it was easier to say.

Of course, in court and in other DES/CPS meetings, we call her by her long name.

Now A is nearly 17 months old. She knows her name to be the shortened version. When we adopt, we will change her name to the shortened version and will include a middle name.

She'll probably only ever hear the longer name if she misbehaves (haha!).