[TexasJingles]

Hello everyone. Haven't had a lot of time to jump on this forum lately and actually post (been reading though!). Just thought I'd give everyone an update, since we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm on vol. 5 of 6 of reading through the kids files. I've learn a great deal... such as M's behaviors are just about the same as when he was 3. The diagnostician at school said that kids tend to revert to the age when the damage (neglect) was done and this seems to be true in M's case! At least I know he's not faking it!

I also found out that C and S HAVE been baptised (I've only been asking for 10 months!). I don't know what church, however I have a date and an area! This should make the search through the church a LOT easier. No record of M ever being baptised. In fact his records all show "protestant". I have no idea when he started going to Catholic church, but that's where we'll begin after the adoption in Nov.

I could have done like a lot of people and lied about actually reading those files, but then I wouldn't have found out some very helpful things. I'm glad we're taking our time. Cwr still won't let us tell the kids yet though. Guess that's my punishment for doing it the correct way! We have to wait until after the staffing (which is after we sign papers around the 23rd of Sept.). Well, we've waited this long, a few more weeks won't hurt... too much.

The kids are getting much better about controlling their tempers. They are also much more willing to cry in our arms or on our shoulders. It was 6 months before I saw M shed a tear (he may have cried privately, but not that I know of). We're all learning how to deal effectively with each other, and are starting to really feel like a family. I know once they're told of the adoption we'll get some off the wall behaviors at times, but we're aware and will deal. I just can't wait until it's all over with and they can really settle in.

Is there a "post-foster/adopt" support board? Still a few months early, but I'm getting prepared!

[Jensboys]

Sounds like things are heading in the right direction. I got mailed our kids entire files months after they were home with us - and it was an enlightening read, to say the least!

Older Child Adoption http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=475

Facilitating Attachment http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=818

Attachment Disorders http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=467

Attachment Disorder Parenting http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=815

Special Needs and Attachment Forum (this has a complete listing of issues you might face) http://forums.adoption.com/forumdisplay.php?f=221

Those are some of the forums that you can post at, or continue posting here -- or move over to the "older child adoption" forum or the general adoptive parents forum. Either way, keeping posting!

Jen

[lambeausam]

You are very wise to take your time while you are reading the files. I told a fellow foster parent to read the files like it is the last time you are going to see them - usually that is the case. It's really great to be able to find out what our kids were like before we met them! I know the next few weeks will pass quickly. I can't wait to hear what the kids' responses are when you are finally able to tell them.

Sam

[TexasJingles]

We're actually fortunate enough to live in a state that says we can keep the files! I just learned that. That doesn't mean I will quit reading though. The last volume is all about the younger 2 (I peeked!). Until then, it's mostly about the eldest. Some really good insights into his behaviors for sure!

I have their psyc evals coming up and this should really help. Having the dr. know what these kids have really been through, the behaviors they've been showing for years, and what actually happened should make his report solid. The last time he did them, he was kind of flying blind.

This feels kind of like high school graduation. I'm all excited that it's almost all over with, and yet, nervous because it will all be on us from now on. The security blanket is gone. Know the feeling?