[beth5777]

My husband and I are in the process of foster-adoption through our county Children's Services division. I have soooo many questions... some even seem silly. Like, what do the kids call you? We are going to be fostering to adopt a baby. I know it may not be a big issue, but...

Have you had any children come to your home as a foster to adopt, and the adoption hasn't happened? Does it happen a lot?

I would love to hear your stories. My husband and I are both 25, no kids, 2 dogs... we really feel that God is leading us down this road, but don't know a lot of what to expect. We are taking the parenting classes, and that's helping, but I just would love to hear some of the other stories, too.

Thanks for you help!
Beth

[Angeleyes]

You might try posting this over at the special needs board. I am also doing a foster/adopt and there are many over there who have been in the same situation as you and will have many ideas for you.

Angel

[hockeycoachmomo]

Hi Beth,

Don't ever worry that your questions might seem silly. No question is ever too silly.

First of all, congratulations to you and your husband on deciding to become foster parents in the hopes of adopting. A lot of people overlook this avenue when deciding to adopt.

Whenever we had foster kids come to our home, I always gave them the choice of what they would like to call me, such as Michelle, Aunt Michelle, or Mom. All of the children that I fostered over the years chose Mom. Whenever we had babies, I always referred to myself as Mom.

We have had only 2 children come to us with the intention of adoption. One of those adoptions went really quickly and smoothly and our daughter was adopted by the time she was 9 months old. We got her when she was 2 months old. The other adoption was more of a roller coaster ride and not quite as quick. We got our other daughter at the age of 1 week, but her adoption did not go through until she was 2-1/2. We had a few scares that she might be taken away from us when she was about a year old and a relative decided she wanted her, but we stuck it out and things worked out in our favor.

Unfortunately, fostering to adopt is never a sure thing. But if we hadn't taken the chance, we wouldn't have our precious 5 year old daughter today!

In some states, if you tell them you are fostering to adopt, the agency will try to present you with the situations that are most likely to end in adoption. I think that most of the time, the adoptions do happen, but there are always cases where they do not. It is a very scarey thing, I know, but in my experience and the experiences of my friends, no adoption situation is ever easy. Almost everyone I know who adopted privately ended up with birthmoms who backed out at the last minute and left them heartbroken, so I don't think fostering to adopt is really any more risky than private adoption.

I think it is very important to remember, however, that even if an adoptive placement falls through, you have helped that little child by taking them into your home and loving them for whatever time you were lucky enough to have with them. I also firmly believe that God makes whatever He feels is the right thing happen. If the baby placed with you is meant to be with you forever, it will happen! If it doesn't, it just means that the baby who will call you Mommy and Daddy forever hasn't come home yet.

I hope that everything works out for you and you come back and post the good news as soon as you get your first placement.

Please feel free to ask any other questions that might come up, no matter how silly you think they might be. I'm sure that I have asked them all myself at one time or another!

[ohjul]

If your intention is "just" to adopt - then only take children who's parental rights have already been terminated. If you are willing to ride the roller coaster then you can take children that need foster care and may or not come available for adoption. It is tough to let go when they leave- as you have loved them as your own for a length of time. My advice is to Pray hard!! for the children, your self and the bio parents. Trust that God will make the way- and hold on to the children with loose hands. Love them well and see what God has planned. He will lead you to the children He has planned for you. But it is TOUGH! Lots of emotions come with this fostering!!! Lots of tears of joy and sadness!! But it is a wonderful experience.

[athena09]

Beth, my hubby and I are also young. I am 27 he will be 30 in Sept, we have no children either, but like you have 2 dogs that are our kids. We are also going for foster/adopt. What state are you in? We are in MD. I also feel like something is leading me down this road.

[Yash]

Beth,

Congrats on taking this journey. I was certain I would never be a fost/adopt parent, but God had other plans for me.

I was 28 when I started my foster parenting class. I was honest with my SW about what I thought I could handle as a single, first time parent. I asked for an infant girl as young as possible with minor or correctable special needs. When I heard about the wait for infant girl, my heart was suddenly open to an infant boy.

One day before my 2 month anniversary of being a certified foster parent, I got a call for a 5-day-old baby boy. He was drug exposed, but showed no signs of withdrawl. He wasn't legally free, but the judge did order he be placed in a fost/adopt home and the CW felt there was a 95% chance the adoption would go through within the next 6 months.

My son will be 18 months in 4 days and we're currently awaiting a court date to finally finalize. It has been a long journey, a trying one, but we're making it, with tons of constant praying, we've made it this far.

Best of luck,

Yash