[shycar]

Ok I need help my emotions are all twisted up. I have a 3yr fs we are adopting and a 2yr fd and a 2 month old fd that were high legal risk. Well it looks like the girls will be leaving this week prob wed.

My problem is that another sw called me and she has a 4 yr old and a 1 yr old, both girls that are legal risk. They plan for termination in 3-4 months. I have seen these girls before when I took my kids for visit, the girls were being placed in a legal risk home. I have worked with the sw before and we know eachother well. Well the legal risk home cant handle the older girl and wants to keep the little one. They had to move the older to a foster home and the little one is still in legal risk home. Sw wants the girls to be together and she knows that my girls were prob leaving and asked me that if they leave if we would consider these girls.

Now my agency does not want me to take these girls. The 4 yr old was sexually abused and the legal risk mom complained that she kept trying to molest her younger sister. Now the previouse home has never seen this and in the new home she has not seen this either. We do know that the legal risk really did not want the older from begining, but decided to take them anyways. I dont doubt that there might have been something, but we are not sure. They have an older sister that was also sexually abused and does act out sexually, but she has different father and he is getting custody of her. The problem is this. I dont mind the sexual abuse stuff, but my agency does not want to place them here. The reason is becouse I have been sexually abused as a child by an uncle. I still deal with it and I know it is something I will deal with forever, but I feel that I can help this little girl. That we have much in common. I have worked with other children through church that have been abused sexually and yeah I get upset becouse they had to suffer like I did, but I feel good also becouse some good have come out. Im a strong will person and I believe things happen for a reason. What happened to me made me who I am today and made me a stronger person. This little girl sounds soooo much like me. She is strong will. I feel that maybe the reason these two girls that I have now did not work out was becouse these other two little girls were meant to be here. I will be talking to my therapist tomorrow about this and see what she thinks, but I wanted others opinion also. I will get to be with them on thur and I want to go with an open mind. I believe I can handle this and I feel her pain, but my agency believes it will bring too many memories and be worse for me. Please help


shycar

[jwdcreations]

Can you have your therapist write a recommendation for you? Or speak to the agency? I have had issues & therapy in the past and our hs worker wrote it up as a positive and would help me recognize possible issues in a child.

Good luck!

[jackiesbooks]

If your therapist thinks it will be okay for YOU, then do it. Tell the agency that you can help this girl and tell them what your therapist says. Can the girls have seperate rooms? Are they in therapy?

[kellis121]

I agree that you should speak with the therapist and have a recommendation written up if he thinks it's a good idea. Also, if you have worked with children through church, perhaps your pastor/priest/etc. could write a recommendation.

Best of luck!

[bumpkin]

Seems like your heart is calling you, as long as you don't feel like you're re-bounding from losing the other 2. I applaud your commitment to these kids and your insights/experiences are bound to be helpful to them. Best of luck, really.... let us know what happens.

[shycar]

Well we decided to take the girls. The oldest is here since Tue. She is a loving girl. She is sooo excited that she now has a mommy and daddy. She has been asking the sw when she would get her mommy and daddy. I think she like it here so far. She does have a temper, but she bursts and then about 5 min she is ok. Her sister hopefully will be here next week, she was supposed to have come tomorrow. Her foster mom that she lives now wants to adopt her and has coused problems. After they did the oldest assesment (physicological one) she approved that she was no harm to her sister. Well the foster mom called the therapist and told her things that she has never mentioned before and says that it would be dangerouse to put them together. Honest they had the oldes for 3 days. The girls have been in foster care for 9 months and together until now. No prob. I have a younger fs and I have had no problems. On Sat we get to take her to that therapist again and she is having the other foster parents bring the baby. They are going to watch them play together and see if the oldest one beats the youngest. I know It will be fine... she is a good girl, she has issues, but she is a good girl and Im glad we made the decision to take her.

[ALI143]

I'm so glad things are working out for you, your family and your daughters.

[tybeemarie]

Sounds exciting! Let us know how things go!

[sfbaymom2000]

Congratulations. Just be really careful to supervise them at virtually all times. It only takes a minute for something inappropriate to happen. We orignally hoped to be matched with a child who did not have a sexual abuse history and sexualized behaviors. When we were presented with M we felt we would just work though it and do what we needed to do. We are doing that, but it is more difficult than I thought. I NEVER leave M alone with a child her age or younger. I even watch her closely with my bio daughter (8 yrs) because M DID try something with her.

The thing I was really not prepared for is that she has tried to touch ME (not DH) inappropriately. We have had lots of talks about what is and is not appropriate. I talked with the girls together, as somebody had suggested, so they both knew that the other knew the "rules" as well. I also have an age-appropriate book for each of them about our bodies being private. After learning from experience, we now have a rule that there is no playing under blankets or under tables. I was torn over what and how much to tell M's teachers, but for the sake of the other children I told them a general explanation and that they needed to keep an eye on her. They totally understood.

Good luck!

[Singlemom619]

can I ask a "stupid" question... I've never heard the term "legal risk" before... do you mean the children have behaviors that could cause legal problems for you as foster parents? or am i assuming the wrong way? I'm a foster parent but have not heard that time...

thanks!

[MsPoppy]

Legal Risk: Means that reunification with parents is possible or relatives could step up and take them, hope that helps


Jeannette

[Kelly Rae]

I agree with sbaymom. I too have cared for a sexually abused child. NEVER have this child out of sight. If this child was abused she will more than likely act out sooner then later. We had a child that would try to get other children behind the sofa, under the train table, in any other room I wasn't. This was the most stressful time of my life we would have never agreed to placement had we known of this childs sexualized behavior. This child felt safe for the first time and thats when the child started acting out. The child had to be removed for my other childrens safety. I still pray and think about this child all the time. Until you go through something like this you just can't believe the amount of vigilance this takes. I pray this will not be a issue for your child.

[rmyoung]

I thought "Legal Risk" meant that there is a greater likelihood that parental rights would be terminated (such as in a case where an infant is abandoned).


In any case of removal of a child, a relative could step in to care for the child.

I wouls appreciate hearing from others about this...


-Melanie