[mallory4]

Little R has been with us for over a month already, and we are seeing lots of positive changes in his adjustment...he slept an awful lot the first two weeks and he "froze up" a lot, and now he is more flexible with his naptimes and much more interactive--last week he started hand-feeding me Cheerios and offering me his bottle, and he started falling asleep as I rock him before I put him in his crib, instead of insisting on being put in there to go to sleep alone.

It seems to me that the hardest week for both he and I was week #3, which I thought was interesting because it was also the hardest week for me when our 3rd child was born--I can remember crying when the receptionist at the Dr.'s office asked me casually how I was doing....maybe week 3 is just when novelty-induced adrenalin wears off and the stress of the situation is still there, but we haven't had enough experience to have developed a system for dealing with it?

Anyway, the past two weeks have been so terrific, I feel like I am watching a flower open up and bloom before my eyes

For any of you who have added a toddler to the family, I'd be interested in hearing when in the process did you start seeing the child's real personality and temperament, not just the child as he/she is when stressed out by all the changes?

[Jensboys]

MAllory -- looking back I think the first 6 months were a real process of comfort and interaction -- as well as our boys processing their grief and loss.

I would suggest that the first 6 weeks are still fairly new ... and after that you might see some more difficult behaviors again.

Jen

[SashaSue]

I have had a 19 month old little boy for a little over a month and there was definitely a honeymoon period at first. He was too good to be true. But now he is exhibiting pre-two-year-old behaviors as well as some other interesting ones...I already have a 2 year old fs and I'm not sure if he is mimicking him or these are his own behaviors. The 19-month-old if told No and it doesn't matter what tone, will literally fall in the floor and fake cry. I haven't had that problem with the 2 year old, he is just a little defiant at times and loves to say "No" in a rather loud voice, which I usually ignore.

It has been interesting with 2 toddlers but jealousy has reared its ugly head...I have had the 2 year old since January and the other one since April so the 2-year-old is a little unwilling to share anything with his foster brother...but otherwise they get along okay, for now!

[sfbaymom2000]

We've had our daughter for five months, and I still wonder what is the "real" her. I think you definitely are not seeing the true personality after only four weeks.

I happened to have an awful day with M today. She was being difficult and that got me irritable and we fed off each other. Anyway, it occurred to me that it is a little like dating. At first you think the person is wonderful. Then bit by bit, their annoying habits start to show up.

I remember telling someone how nice it was that M was not the kind of kid who had to touch everything and climb on everything. I don't know what I was thinking! Either I was oblibious, or she has changed. Either way, she seems incapable of stopping herself from touching everything she sees in stores, the post office, etc. and climbing or hanging on anything in sight.

Another thing is that she has to always be making some kind of noise. In the car she will just chatter non-stop, make non-sense sounds, or tap her foot or a toy to make noise.

Anyway, I guess my point is that after five months, I am just realizing that she has some hyperactivity. Also, as noted on another thread, we are finding her sexual issues worse than we thought.

Sorry for blabbing on and on...I guess I needed to vent. I don't think any of us will really know our new children completely for at least a year or two. Even then, we will always have so many mysteries about M's first four years and how those things are affecting her now.

Well, good luck with your new son, and congratulations!

[Kate1129]

I noticed that after a month the "fear" had left. But it still wasn't the true kids. By the 4th month I felt like I knew them.


I think he's just realizing you won't hurt him and he's not afraid of you.

[mallory4]

Thanks for the feedback...it is nice to think that he'll be opening up even more as time passes.

So far, I'm not sure we've had a "honeymoon", or what that would even look like since he is only a baby. He was very easy to care for the first several days, but it was kind of like he was frozen--he isn't old enough to try to be "good" on purpose.

Then he had a few harder days, when he clearly was not pleased and didn't have a way of communicating that fact other than whining and crying a lot.

SFbaymom, my oldest daughter had some seriously hard to live with hyperactive behaviors from ages 3-6 or so. She was a very challenging child to say the least.

Everywhere I went, people subtly (or bluntly :rolleyes) tried to tell me what I should try to fix her, and I can't say that I appreciated it as I already felt judgment and failure on my own.

But then, as it turns out, a couple of the things people told me to try did in fact change our lives. So.....at the risk of being one more pain in the neck person with some cockamamie recommendation...I'll just say fish oil supplements and the books "Raising your Spirited Child" by Kurcinka and "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" by Nelson worked wonders.

My daughter (now 11) is still a little hyper (me, too) and the number of questions she asks in a day could drive anyone mad, but her behavior and self-control are truly wonderful. And-- most importantly I don't hate to be with her, and our relationship is solid. I don't think there is any way that could have happened for me, without the help of the stuff I learned in those books.

I know your little girl has a whole lot more on her plate because of her past, but I pass along these ideas as one struggling mom to another. Hope things somehow, someway get cheerier for you soon