[newkid]

How many of you have had your social worker tell you things that just weren't true? I don't know if she doesn't have a clue about her job or if she tells us these lies and half truths to pacify us. I am really frustrated with her and her superior.
I wonder- is it possible in the future to request not to work with her since we don't believe or trust her?

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

The first thing I did was look at your profile to see if we had the same worker!!!

Our R&C worker (the person that SUPPOSED to be helping us adopt) Lies ALL THE TIME. It's sickening. She is so lazy every time I talk to her I could scream. We are in the middle of a battle with them now so my dh went to the SRA and complained. We're waiting to hear back from him on Monday.

Best of luck. I definitely would ask if you could be assigned another worker, that's what we're going to do.

Michelle

[Mammie]

Hi Newkid!

I can totally sympathize!

Unfortunately, we have 'caught' our caseworker talking out of both sides of her mouth on numerous occasions. Most of them have been trival. Some of them, I think she was testing us. A couple of them were downright mean and that sent me through the roof!

I understand there are things we do not need to know. I even understand there are times she has to do thing we don't understand.

But what I don't like is not being able to trust anything she says. If we are suppose to be working as a "team member", then why lie to us? Can't they just come out and say, "I don't know" or "I really can't say anything right now" or "That is something that is really none of your business"?

For instance, we had a foster son for 15 months, who was more than a handful; he was downright dangerous to our home, our marriage and to the safety of his younger brothers.

After a protective service investigation (to which the boy admitted that he lied to "get even" with us), we called the caseworker and requested that he be removed from our home.

She came out, and after a four hour talk with us, told us that if he was removed, the other two brothers would be removed with him!

This bothered us, because we are foster to adopt, and the younger brothers had adjusted and bonded so well to us! She told us she did not have a choice, that it was a rule in licensing - if a sibling was removed, they all had to be removed, no matter what.

Not wanting to disrupt the younger boys, we decided to hang in there. (We have since found out that statement is not totally true, there are circumstances--but how were we to know at the time?)

BIG MISTAKE! After three months (and sleepless nights protecting the yonger brothers and a couple thousand spent on bathroom repairs from another of the 'get even' jobs), my husband called the caseworker and said "Even if you have to remove all three, do it - because we just can't have him in our house anymore, and we will not be held responsible for the things he is trying to do to his younger brothers!"

We got a call back right a way, saying she (our case worker) was working on getting the troubled foster son out of our home. She and the placement worker had a few ideas to try.

A week later, we are at a FIA Christmas party, and my husband happens to be talking to the placement worker who would be working on this case...and guess what? She knows nothing about it!

And, a couple weeks later, we find out from OTHER foster parents that you have to have a request for removal written up, before they are held accountable to removing the child!

This is our first time out here! NOBODY told us this, and NOBODY volunteered the information! (And the powers that be wonder why they can not keep good foster parents!)

When we called our caseworker out on the carpet, she said "Oh, I thought I had told you that. Well, all you need is a sentence or two written down, and I can get on it right away."

We did better than that. We wrote a 5 page letter stating EVERYTHING - so it would leave no doubt in anyone's mind (and a fine recorded record in our file) what we wanted and why.

The boy was removed within 14 days. His brothers are much happier (and healthier) with out him around...and the household is back to normal.

There have been many 'little white lies' or 'misinturputations' or 'misunderstandings' that have gone on in this case, lasting 17 months now. We have learned to take everything our caseworker says with a grain of salt. Unfortunate, but it is a fact of life, here in the world of fostering.

However, for what it is worth, on behalf of our caseworker, (who is older and has 'seen it all') she seems to to genuinely care for the children, she has returned tons of calls (usually within the day, if not the next) and she has been patient with us, being newbies.

When I read about some of the caseworkers our foster parent members have been saddled with, it makes me cringe and thank God that I do have one of the better ones, falsehoods and all!

[TexasJingles]

I think you can take a look at almost any forum here and read where some caseworker of whatever type has lied. We've had it happen (with the kids cps worker and our agency worker). Nothing happens they way they said in classes either.

In fact, the BEST and most accurate info I get is here on the forums! Where else to get info than from the people actually out there doing it! Thanks everyone!

[newkid]

Sometimes it is really nice to hear that others have been through the same type of stuff. We too are relative Newbies to the foster system and wonder if there is just this weird learning curve to foster parenting. Thanks for all your replies.

[Mammie]

I have to agree with you, Texasjingle!

If not for these message boards, and all the great folks who take the time to answer....I would be totally lost and at my wits end!

These people have helped me out...even in my 'lurking' days, before I even got my license.

I have learned more from the 'been there, done that' or 'this is what worked for me' crowd, than I EVER learned from PRIDE training!

Gee, maybe training should have a panel of foster parent who will 'tell it like it is'!

[TexasJingles]

Mammie -- we actually had current foster people come in and talk with us. One was a single AA man who fosters up to 3 boys. He was the best I think at telling it like it really is when it comes to dealing with kids. None of the 3 (couples too) told us about workers not telling the truth though. I guess with workers and trainers right there in the room they wouldn't feel free to say those kind of things.