[mamasoon]

I know that I can get my answer from our caseworker but she is out of the office and I need some advice now. I had my 17 month old evaluated this morning to see if he had any developmental or speech delays. I had suspected the latter but wanted to know for sure. They determined that he is speech and language delayed and will need therapy twice a week. I dont know why but this is really upsetting to me. Even though I pretty much already knew it, it just hurts hearing the words 'delayed' and therapy. I just love him so much and want his life to be perfect and all. I know I am rambling but this is all pretty new and I know that I am overreacting that there are millions of children with severe problems and I need to shut up! Ok I am done with my ramble but I have one more question. What does this mean as far as our adoption is concerned? We are adopting him and his 3 1/2 year old brother and hope to finalize by March. Does this make him fall into the special needs category? Who determines this? Thank you for listening to an emotional Momma!

Kathy

[leenab]

I know it can sound horrible to have a child who has delays. But we went through it with our son Raj. He had functional developmental delays and need OT & speech. He had receptive and expressive language disorder with some oral motor issues. I know, but it sounds worse than it was. He is now non-delayed and ahead of the game.

As a parent you really have to work harder with a delayed child, therapy, work outside of therapy and just give it time.

Special needs is determined by the state. Both of my children fall into that category because of their minority status and age alone. Raj also has SID, ADHD and possible anxiety issues. You'd have to ask your caseworker what qualifies as special needs in your state.

-LeenaB

[tlc4kidz]

Our 23 month old daughter has a speech delay and receives 60 minutes of therapy a week. She had multiple ear infections and several ruptured eardrums. When we took her for her eval they said it probably sounds like everything is under water. We have started her on Claritin and Nasonex allergy meds and she is already showing a huge improvement in speech.

At 10 months they thought she might have cerebral palsey so she was fitted with leg braces and given PT and OT. Within 3 months no braces and she was 3-6 months ahead on gross motor skills. She now runs, jumps, endlessly climbs, and her "gymnastic" (controlled chaos class) teacher said she NEVER would have guessed she had delays starting out. Her therapist said that she is a kid that could actually benefit from gymnastics and dance, so that's what we did.

So far as the speech goes, how is the receptive language? Does he seem to understand what you are talking about and follow simple commands? I know "delay" sounds scary, but remember most kids excel in one or more area of development (gross motor, fine motor, language or social) and will therefore lag in another. If he is a very busy "motor-driven" kid I would not be surprised if he is behind in speech. Not trying to be a know-it-all, but the pediatric nurse in me can't control myself !

[mj77]

both our boys, though appearing very healthy and pretty much on target, were placed as babies and both were classified special needs because of drug exposure in the womb. I would imagine the same would be true for your kids because they are a sibling group, but every state seems to vary some in this. Do you recieve a special rate (rate on top of foster care)? If you do, it's probably because they are special needs. If your little one is NOT concidered special needs, ask for a special rates nurse or for the state to send any nurse out to evaluate if you are spending more time than you would with any other child working with her with her special needs. You might be surprised at what she might qualify for.

[crick]

I don't know about the official "title" of special needs but I tend to agree with mj that he might qualify under this category due to other circumstances. Only your caseworker will really be able to answer that question for you.

I'm sure it is initially upsetting to hear "your child is delayed or will need therapy to improve xxx & xxx". I do hope once the initial feeling subsides a bit, you can see that this isn't necessarily a life time disability and will likely just take a little time to work on his speech therapy. And even if it is a life time disability to work with, it doesn't mean he won't have a successful and wonderful life.

Crick

[mom2GRLC]

I know that in Arkansas..they are very strict when clasifiying a child as special needs. It has to be clearly obvious....that a child is dissabled...or has to be in a sibling group of 3 or more...or has to an older child...or an AA over the age of 2.

When we adopted our son he was 4 and had been diagnosed with RAD and had signs of Fetal Alchohol effects. He was also delayed in his fine motor skills.
When talking to the adoption worker she said it would be very difficult to get it approvedto qualify him as special needs. It would slow down our adoption process...by a lot of time...for all the Doctors and teststo be done to prove that infact he was special needs. Even if we did...he would have to be re-evaluated every year to see if he still qualified...for the subsidy. We didn't want to bother with waisting our time..on prolonging the adoption...for all this to take place....or to have to worry about it each year afterward. We have really good insurance, and knew that we could provide him with what ever services he needed as that time came.

He is doing wonderfull in kindergarten, and we are working on his fine motor skills at home...and he has really made tremendous progress in our home.

[amused medusa]

Our second bio son was speech and language delayed, diagnosed when he was nearly 3. (I knew earlier, but couldn't get the diagnosis until switching doctors twice) I think it can be disheartening, but do-able. I was able to really facillitate the therapy at home by having him do fun games with his mouth and hands. (Focusing on fine motor skills helps in many areas of development) We would suck up longer segments of spagetti, take turns spitting Cap'n Crunch for distance records (outside! LOL) and I can't even begin to tell you how many uses we found for peanut butter! He's in 8th grade, and you'd never know it now. Take a moment to talk to the speech therapist, it may help ease your mind. Sorry for rambling on, I guess my point is, "There is hope,where there is love".

[ACmom]

Kathy, I know how you feel! My youngest goes to OT once a week and individual therapy (behavior) once a week. It is so hard accepting that she will never be at the top of her class but I am focusing on her strengths. She is so sweet and really does try. But you will always get those "one up" comments (my daughter is almost 4 and still not fully potty trained and I get the comparisons all the time). I agree that "playing" at home has really helped a lot. I have gotten a lot of the equipment the OT therapist uses so I can do things at home. It's also good to vent once in awhile! Good luck!

[yanknrebel]

I understand your concern and questions completely. OUr soon to be 3 year old (in Feb) was our fc from birth until Dec 28 when we FINALLY got to adopt her. SHe is currently working on a 4 year old level in phonics, number recognition and counting. SHe can name every alphabet letter, tell you their phonetic sounds and spell approx 10 3 letter words. SHe won't be 3 until Feb.

We also have a set of (boy/girl) twins. They came to us at 5 months of age. They were not even holding their heads up. Granted they were born at 29 weeks , but they were not moving their legs, or holding their heads up. The baby girl would not even make contact. They had no eyelashes or eyebrows. Needless to say the biomom was charged with severe neglect. Now the babies have to go to speech and physical therapy once a week. (I didn't know they could do speech therapy on infants). They are making great progress. One is better in gross motor skills and one is better in fine motor skills . They are considering placing the baby girl in OT. They have started pulling up and getting down from things just the last week or so. The baby girl wasn't even able to sit up on her own until three weeks ago, now she is pulling up and standing. The biomom of these babies functions on a 12 year old level. SO does the biomom's sister. So it is very likely that these babies will have some form of MR. Possibly both babies. DCS has only stated that they MIGHT be considered special needs. Both babies were born with a heart problem (PDA) that one had fixed with medicine and one with surgery. Common problem among preemies. The baby boy spent three months in the hospital due to lung cysts, respiratory disease,and pulmonary hemmorrhage. We were asked if these babies are freed for adoption would we adopt them, we said a resounding YES!!! The cw keeps saying "Well you know it's a very good possiblilty that these babies are going to be mentally retarded don't you"? I say 'Yeah, SO?" Granted my husband and I have three healthy children in our home (my 2 bios and the daughter we just adopted). We have no mental retardation in either of our families. However, they are just as much our babies as if we gave birth to them. If DCS says they are not special needs, then OK. We'll deal with it. However, I cannot imagine they won't classify them as such. I am going to be homeschooling our Kayla (3 year old) and would like to do the same with these twins, IF we get to adopt. However , I may not be able to depending on the extent of their problems. It is always scary when a parent finds out their child is not "perfect" but what is perfect anyway?

[2boyz1girl]

Do a web search for NACAC. Their web-site has links to each individual state's definition of special needs as it relates to things like adoptive subsidies. The state still has room to decide each individual case though.