[Net933]

Hi

I'm new to this board of foster to adopt. I have an approved homestudy and am set to adopt an infant through a private agency. I am single and have been waiting for a while now. I am considering foster to adopt. I was just wondering if a lot of the infants and younger children who are in foster care are drug exposed. Possibly the birthmother lost her child because of drugs and alcohol. Is it possible to foster to adopt a healthy infant. Also can you specify the race of the child? I'm looking for a bi-racial infant for foster to adopt.

thanks.

Lynette

[tlc4kidz]

You're right, infants are in fostercare for a reason. We recently adopted a brother/sister sib group who were not exposed to drugs or alcohol. They are perfectly healthy (and I might add beautiful ). They were removed due to having older sibs removed, but then you always have the possibility that sibs families or relatives will adopt if rights are terminated (which I consider a good thing).

I am of the opinion that if you feel like you can handle the "risk" involved in foster/adopt it can be a very rewarding experience. You may also find that you fall head-over-heels in love with a child that was exposed to some substance and becomes free for adoption......and that none of that really matters.

[Dmommab]

Yes, most newborn infants in foster care are there because they tested positive for drugs or alcohol when born or the parent already had children in foster care so the baby was automatically removed at birth. One child we had went into care at birth because mom & dad left 3 older siblings (ages 5,3 & 2) at home alone while they went to the hospital to have this baby! I'm sure there are probably other reasons infants go into care but those are from what I know the most common. Good Luck!

[ipumpkin]

Lynette, I would say that a lot of babies are removed for drug related reasons. Out of four babies this year, only one of mine had even been tested at birth, but it's highly likely that 2 others had been exposed. Sometimes you just won't know.

If you consider fostering, you need to think about the emotional toll it will take after you've had a baby that you've loved for a year or two. The baby knows you as mama and dada and then one day you have to hand him over to people who you know will never take care of him like you would. (Just something to think about)

When you foster, you can specify anything you want. race, gender, age, eye color, whatever. You could even ask for a perfect, healthy baby. You just have to remember that CPS doesn't know all of the information when they call you about a placement. I'm curious about your reasons for not wanting a drug exposed infant? Even if you have a birth child, you never know what you're gonna get!

[6kiddos]

The media tends to focus on prenatal drug exposure rather than alcohol exposure ("crack baby" stories, etc...) largely because alcohol is an "accepted substance" - but alcohol does far more damage than any street drug (with the possible exception of meth).
"Of all the substances of abuse, including heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, alcohol produces by far the most serious neurobehavioral effects in the fetus." -Institute of Medicine 1996 Report to Congress (taken from http://come-over.to/FASCRC/ )

FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) is vastly underdiagnosed -- http://www.come-over.to/FAS/WhatIsTrueIncidenceFAS.htm
(note #12 as it has a reference to the number of children with FASD in the foster care system- estimated at 80%!)

The two children that we adopted through foster care both have FASD. They are beautiful children and this is indeed an "invisible disability"...which makes it harder in many ways because people do not understand why these children behave like they do (especially in the classroom). I would encourage you to attend workshops or trainings on FASD and to be prepared to face the possiblity that even children called "healthy" at the time of placement might possibly have difficulties in their future due to prenatal alcohol exposure (both of our affected children were called "healthy" at the time of placement.)

Parenting kids with FASD is difficult, but we learned to try differently instead of trying harder...WE had to change in order to successfully parent our children and not expect them to change in order to fit into our family. FASD is permanent brain damage, but these children need and deserve loving families.

[Net933]

Thanks for everyone's input. I do know a lot about fetal alchol syndrome. I teach it to the kids in my baby think it over class. I know that when you give birth you never know what your going to get. But you do know if you or the father did not drink or do drugs you baby would not be exposed to having FAS. I guess being a single parent to be it scares me a little to get into foster to adopt and the child may have been exposed to drugs or alcohol. I'm afraid I won't be picked by a birthmother because I'm singe. I have been waiting 10 months since my approved homestudy. I was thinking if I go through foster to adopt I could get a baby quicker. Then I have to look at the health of the baby. I've been doing a lot of reading on domestic adoption and international. International is so expensive and I feel domestic you have to sell yourself and I'm at a disadvantage. I just don't know where to turn.

[roxanna425]

drug exposed does not always mean unhealthy. a drug exposed child can be healthy and on-target, just like a bio-child or a child from overseas can have ADHD or RAD. With foster-adopt you can specify age and I am not sure about specifying race, but many of che children are biracial. there are many people here who will be able to tell you more about that. in many instances the children's parents were unable to take care of them and the children themselves are healthy, however being separated form your parents is traumatic and there's a special kind of parenting for a hurt child. in some cases the children were abused or neglected and not born drug exposed, that's the least of your problems in those instances. if you are interested in a domestic adoption through DCFS you'll have to take fostering classes that will answer many quesitons for you.