[1of2moms]

My fson is starting to read and after we spent time sounding out words yesterday, he started talking to me about how his name was pronounced if you read it as it is spelled. I sat down with him and we looked at all the ways his name could be spelled so that when someone saw it, they would know how to pronounce it. I told him that when we adopt him, he would be able to change the spelling of his name and could pick which spelling he liked the best. D's caseworker told me that the termination of father's rights hopefully won't be too long which is the last step before we could adopt him.

D then asked asked if we could start spelling it the new way now. So we are working on the new spelling. This was totally his choice. I think some of it is coming from him trying to figure out his place in the world right now. He knows he is not going back to his bmother (does not want to) and he have never met his father (none listed on the birth certificate). He has been asking a lot of questions about where babies come from and what makes a family. A few months ago it was enough to explain that he was a gift from God, now he wants more details.

So we are going to start using the new spelling. I will ask his teacher to be understanding as we make this transition. Very exciting for us.

[jswing]

SweetPea,

Your right on with everything.I am glad to see someone is thinking for the future of these children. And I just want to say without being hateful.Its people like you in the beginning of this thread that make it twice as hard for birthmother's to find their birth children.By changing their names. One thing if it's for safety reasons but another because you don't like the name.Sorry only my opinion.think about it.

jswing

[1of2moms]

Jswing
Maybe many adoptive parents do not want birthmothers showing up on their doorsteps 10 years down the road. This is why many travel overseas to adopt. In my case we write regularly to D's bmom. We have a PO Box we will maintain until he is 18 and she writes to D regulary also. As angry as he is with his bmother, and as happy as he was to not have to go back to her, I think it important that he maintain this link. But that is not every adoptive parents position and everyone must do what they believe is best for the children.
Foster children (where this form is located) don't usually get taken from parents because the parents are doing what is best for the children.

[tlc4kidz]

We changed our 7 month-old's name with the blessing of his bp's. We chose a name that meant "son of D***"
which is birthfather's name. I think this is one of those areas where every situation will be different and you have to do what is best in your own case. If there isn't a safety issue and you have a close relationship with the bp's I think it's perfectly appropriate to consult the bp's and choose a name everyone agrees on. If our son's bp's had strongly opposed us changing his name we would not have, but they said they actually liked his new name better and they were referring to him by it sooner than we were!

[Nixie]

I think as a parent you have to determine what the child's is able to comprehend. Think about people who eventually developed nicknames as children and will respond to those more than their own name. I think if you implement it and the child reponds to the name, you will be fine. I think using it as a nickname is best, until you are sure TPR is finalized.

[jswing]

Dear Elisabeth,

I hope you will find it in your heart to except my apology,for my posted message yesterday about changing names.please know that I didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings.I realize now every mother has to do what is best for their children.my son was in foster care for the first three months of his life,and they did give him a name. Well I just wanted to say I am sorry.

jswing

[csimmons]

Our biomom knows where we live, go to church, where I work, etc... My reasons for changing our fdaughter's name is not so that the mother can't find us. Up until a few months before TPR, when she began using drugs again, we were on good speaking terms with her and her family. I know one day she will get things together and want to make contact. We in no way are trying to keep her from doing that. We have two adopted boys that we've been very open with each of their birthparents. I was a little offended by your response above and yes, we, mothers have to do what we feel is best. Because our fdaughter had such a traumatic time visiting with her biomom, we feel it would be in her best interest to change her name. Sometimes, a name can bring back feelings of trauma.