[MrsTU]

My husband and I are considering the foster to adopt program. Have any of y'all that have been involved in this program had one fall through? Meaning, you had the child in your home, had your hopes up to adopt and the birth parent decided NOT to sign over their parental rights? If so, how long did you have the child?

His,
MrsTU

[mommom]

Unfortunately, I think it happens a lot...it has happened several times to me. What seems to happen is right before the court date for TPR the parents make moves like they are getting their acts together - and the judge sees things their way. For example - I have had a 3yo for 2 years; she was in relative foster care for six months before that. I was told at least three times there was to be a Show Cause hearing. There was no visitation or contact for 14 months and then, at a Show Cause hearing that finally took place, Mom pleaded she had seen the light and was making arrangements to do everything the Court had ordered all along - this has actually happened twice - and now visits have been restarted...

[leaabc123]

The courts almost always give parents/relatives the benefit of the doubt. The more I speak with other foster parents and see how our foster kid's cases have been handled, the more I am convinced that the ASFSA laws are completely ineffective. They look good on paper but there are many loopholes.

Our current f-son has been with us for 4 months. He is 7 months old. He was left in court by a relative. Bio-parents have never had custody. Family members stated they did not want custody. Visits were supposed to be 2ce a week actually occured more like 2ce a month.
Now, the relatives who abandoned him in court are once again asking for custody and sw'r says they will likely succeed because the courts and judges almost always favor family members.

However, I know of one family who had a child for 3 years and TPR never occurred and bio-mom was able to get her child back in the 3rd year.

[mj77]

I haven't experienced this--thank you God, as I have been told it can be heart wrenching. However the foster family of my oldest had him 13 1/2 mo. and were a great family wanting to adopt him. When the case went to a current caretaker committee, it was decided he go to a committee with 3 different families. They fought it and were able to have their case presented with the other families (we being one), and we ended up having the privilege of adopting him. I know the reasons why the cw told them no, and believe me it's stupid. I do know he's in the right place though.

The daughter of my son's fmom and her dh also had an experience with their 14 mo. old foster son. They lost him to an 80 plus year old great-grandma that lived several states away. This was devestating to them--and still is years later.

One friend had a 1/2 sibling of her son's for 10mo. (from birth) and the state worked with the bfather (different than her son's) and the babe was placed with him permanently instead.

I will not lie and say it's not an extremely difficult road for many. I realize that I am not the right kind of person to do this. I am just thankful (that's the least I can say) that our son will be staying with us.