[momthib]

My husband and I have 3 children and are about to start classes in Jan. to do the foster adopt program. We were going to adopt internationally but God has really seemed to be leading us in this direction in stead. Just looking to talk with others in my boat.

[mom2GRLC]

We initially were going to adopt through our church but felt strongly we needed to foster to adopt through our state. We've been foster parents for 2 1/2 years now and our family is growing dramatically in a short amount of tme. We just adopted our 5 year old boy in May 2004 and go in 4 days to finalize the adoption of our 6 month old girl that we have had since 5 days old. Now we are excited to set up the adoption day of our 2 1/2 year old that we've had since she was 14 months. We've also had 28 other foster kids within that time.

If you really want to adopt...my advice would be to not only finish the foster/adopt classes but go ahead and finish all the adoption papers and homestudies as well. Ask for children who are up for adoption or who will most likely come up for adoption.

The little boy we have was in fostercare 2 years before we go him. He was legally up for adoption and was coming out of a failed adoptive home when we snatched him up.

The baby girl we have was given up for adoption at birth but it was a high risk adoption so she was placed with us as foster parents first. We begged for her like crazy...and they decided to let us keep her rather than send her to an adoptive home.

Our 2 1/2 year old beautiful little girl was not even supposed to be in fostercare more than 2 weeks, when we took her in. The family placement didn't work out so her case started to become complicated and she almost went home to her bmom a week ago....after a year and a half at our home. Her case dramatically changed and her mom signed over her rights and says she really wants us to adopt her. We've wanted this little girl for so long and been on the emotional roller coaster of a lifetime.....and now in a few months....she should be ours.

So don't be afraid to take foster children who aren't up for adoption you never know how their cases will work out. I love all the foster children who have come into our home and I am so gratefull they were apart of my life...even for a little bit.

[momthib]

Thank you so much for sharing your story and encouragement. We are truly looking forward to the experiance and we trust that God is in control!! Thank you again and be blessed.

[mj77]

I love that we adopted/are adopting our children through our state's foster system. I think as a Christian it is an awesome opportunity to pray over these kids even if they aren't able to remain with you. At least you might touch thier lives.

[momthib]

So we most likely won't get the first child placed with us? How many did you go through before you were able to adopt? Do you have to keep your feeling seperated untill you know wether or not you will be able to adopt, or did you just love them all right from the start like they would be yours for sure?

[mj77]

I'm sorry, I should clarify. Foster to adopt means different things in different states. Typically when a child is concidered "foster" the goal of the state is reunification with the family first. So, you would be a foster parent with the hopes of adopting a child but cooporating with your state. If this isn't possible to reunite, it can be decided by a committee whether the child should remain with you or go to another committee where you may be represented with other interested families. It is very risky.

Another foster to adopt situation might be a legal risk situation where the state has begun or moving towards TPR (termination of parental rights) and the goal is adoption. If you were chosen, your family would go to committee againt other families and if you were the famliy chosen, you would be the adoptive placement. The child would have similar status as foster while you are waiting for your adoption assistance and finalization to take place. There is a little less risk, but there still could be some risks involved. Personally I don't concider this a "foster/adopt" but some do.

Our first son was legal free meaning all parent rights were terminated (some cases relinquished). He was of similar status as foster until finilization though there was no risk we could see with his case.

In our youngest son's case, he was foster. We only wanted to adopt though. His cw contacted us saying it looked like it might go to adoption though was hard to tell this early. There had already been one disrupted placement with him so they wanted to place in an adoptive home that would be open to the risks, should he go for adoption, he would be less likely to be moved. Our state is very careful with these kinds of placements as they don't want it to look like a back door adoption. This case was very difficult for us, extrememly risky for us but has turned more to our favor.

Some families go through losing many foster placements, it doesn't look like we will lose ours. Talk to others about the risks. I believe there is always a degree of risk in everything but the end result, when you have your child is worth it in my opinion.

Both my kids took some time to get used to. I fell in love with my first son right away, but the unconditional love took some time as I got to know him. My second son, my heart was so guarded, I loved him as a person, but it took time to fall in love. I have heard this with biological children too though. I didn't want to have my heart guarded with my 2nd son. I think it was just my mind and heart's way of helping me keep my sane durring everything.

Good luck with everything. Check out other threads too and read people's experiences with this. It will give you a better picture I think.

Melissa

[riley6]

When we started classes we told our trainer, who is also the foster placement worker, that our intention was to adopt our foster child. She said that they would try to place with me kids that had a strong possibility of going to tpr/adoption. The way they suspect this is that the kids had been in fc before and were RU, then brought back into fc, or that the bp's had other children tpr/adopted, or that the parents hadn't done anything for most of the year and the child had to be moved from their previous fh.

Our first child was considered foster/adopt (by this board's standards). We were her 7th fh in 3 yrs, this was her 2nd time in fc. After having her 6 months, tpr was granted. The bp's appealed and after we had her 9 months, she was free for adoption. We had planned to adopt, but her issues became too great for us and after a year we disrupted.

Our next child was considered foster/adopt, bc she had already been tpr'd, but her parents were appealing. Under the appeal, the judge gave the kids to an aunt who came forward at the last minute, after the kids had been in fc for 18 months.

We had about 10 more kids in the next two years. All either went to relatives or birth parents.

We then were placed with two sibling sets. Both had goals of RU, but our older kids were in fc for the second time (we were their 7th fh including respite), and our younger kids' had bp's with long histories and lots of issues. Both workers thought there was a chance the kids would eventually be tpr'd. We were doubtful, yet hopeful.

It turned out that two years later our kids were all free and three years later we adopted them.

Be sure to ask your worker how they determine which kids are straight foster and which are foster/adopt or legal risk. Each state calls them different things and label the kids using different criteria.

Good luck to you. It was a long, painful road for us, but WELL worth the journey!

[momthib]

Hi riley6,
you wrote that your first foster child had problems that became to great and you had to disrupt. What does that mean. I'm thinking that means that you didn't adopt her. What were the problems, and what problems should we look out for? You also wrote that you were the 7th fh including respite....what does that mean? And last question what is the differances between foster/adopt and legal risk? I'm sorry for all the questions but I just want my family and myself to be fully prepared for this journey we are about to embark upon. I know that we are in for a long road but I'm so sure this is the direction God is leading us in because it's not the way I originally wanted to go! God leads us in His direction and it's our choice to decide to follow Him or go our own way and do things our own way.....I've learned that His way is always more rewarding. We know He will equipt us as needed. Thank you for your story and help. Be blessed and lets talk again.

[momthib]

Hi Melissa,
I just wanted to write to you too and thank you. You have been so much help and support!! Thank you for your story. This is all so new to us and I'm just jumping in with both feet....sometimes it feels like head first!! And I'm so glad that there are other moms out there just like us. Do you have any bio children? I hope to talk with you again. Thank you again for all your help! Be blessed.

[mj77]

Hi,
We do not have any bio-children. We planned on begining the adoption process before we even suspected infertility. We really believed God wanted us on this path. We tried to concieve then a few months down the road when the orientation classes started, we began the adoption training. Not too far into it, we stopped the process and tried to concieve (we realized adoption wasn't as easy as we'd thought and I my dh and I were only 22 and 23). After seeing doctors to investigate why we weren't getting pregnant (and had no answers), we went back and started adoption again (this was several months later) hoping we would have a child either way. We didn't get confirmation of why we were infertile until a couple of years later, right before our son was placed and it was just becuase we were curious that we even sought our results. It was a short grieving time for us becuase we were just waiting for a chance to go to committee on a child.

You should get most of your questions answered in January when you begin your classes. In our state (Oregon), the main difference between legal risk and foster/adopt is:

Legal risk is usually when TPR (Termination of parental rights) is underway and the state is just waiting for it to complete. These are kids that have been in the foster system but are ready for their adoptive homes. There are some risks sometimes like if a relative pops out of the blue, or the court finds something wasn't completed in the process. Usually here there is about a 90% chance that the adoption will go through fine. It takes some time to complete.

Foster to adopt is usually when you sign up to be a foster parent and hope that one of the children that comes into your home, that you might be able to adopt them. You can request children where it looks like there is a decent possibility that they will go for adoption, but there are never any guarantees and it is very risky! Keep in mind, a foster parent's goal first is reunification with the parent as the state tries to help them get back on track.

Legally free children are children from the foster system where their parents rights are removed and the state is ready to place them into an adoptive home. There really is no risk (that I have heard) in these cases.

I know I mentioned most of this above, but I hope it brings more clarification to your question. I don't mean to speak for Riley, but, when a child's placement is disrupted, this can mean the foster family was no longer able to keep them in thier home for whatever reasons whether they were just foster or adoptable.

It is quite a roller-coaster ride, but adoption of any sort usually is anyway. I haven't yet heard anyone mention an easy way to adopt. I personally believe that there is a special appreciation that you have for your child when you choose to adopt. We never concidered international adoption personally or private. I didn't desire a brand new baby, and I wanted to be able to accept one more child out of the system.

It's nice too because when you adopt though the state, most children are eligable (at least in our state) for a medical card until they are 18 (medical, dental and mental health), an adoption subsidy until they are 18 (like the monthly foster care payment), and other services that vary by state. Also adoption through the state is usually free, or if there are some fees, they are refundable. There is also a huge adoption credit on your taxes after finalization. I swear I had no idea how much help was out there for these kids until we went to training. Most of these kids may be concidered "special needs" due to age, in many places race, mental, physical, or emotional issues from abuse or neglect, drug exposure... Our boys are relatively healthy. The average person wouldn't know they are special needs so don't let that word scare you nessisarily. Both my boys were exposed to heavy drugs in the womb. I believe God's hand has been on them but they have had rough times sleeping, eating, becoming over stimulated more easily... But both are beautiful and smart. We will be watchful as they get to school age and if anything arises, we have the means to help them.

I hope this clears up a little more about state adoption.

[mj77]

momthib, I had a question for you. You mentioned you have 3 kids. In your profile you mention you are in the process of adopting your oldest son. Do you currently have all girls? Are you looking to adopt a boy older than (a) boy(s) you may have? I was just curious. I wasn't sure if you were also in the process of adopting an older boy in a different adoption situation.
Thanks

[momthib]

Hi,

Thank you so much for all your help and your story. You asked about our son.....it's quite a story. I'm gonna make it short. Our oldest son is my husbands bio child. He has had coustody since he was 2mts old. I've been with him since he turned 7mts old. His bio mother saw him about 5 times between the age of 2mt-12mt and all visits were supervised and she hasn't seen him since. He is now almost 4 years old (December). We also have 2 bio children together, a 2year old boy and a 6mt old little girl. We want to adopt another girl, but we don't want a baby. We are asking for placements between the ages of 9mts and 1 1/2 years old. My state (Florida) said that the only way to get a child this age was to go through the foster/adopt program.

Adoption was our choice. After the delivery of my daughter I became very ill and had some healing issues and had to have surgery. During this surgery I had my Dr. tie my tubes because we were so sure we want to adopt and not have anymore biologically. Adoption has always been on our heart. In my family on both sides there is adoption and I love it! It's a crazy ride it seems but we are depending on God to guide us and lead us every step of the way. I wanted to adopt internationally and we went to all the orintations and signed up with a local adoption agencey (who was great), but during this journey I wanted to explore all my options so I could make a educated decision so I looked into the state programs. I talked to my hubby about this program and surprisingly (because he is a softy) he had the same out look about the whole thing as I did.........We could make a differance in the life of a child, show them love, a smile and the love of the Lord, even if only for a short time. Thrilled at this I got classes set up for the begining of next year (2005). We are moving soon (locally) in to a bigger home, and I want to be settled before starting classes.

My husband are young like you and your husband and we feel like we have an awesome oppertunity to make a differance in the life of a child. We are excited and know we have a long road ahead of us. We trust that God will lead us and guide us each step of the way.

I've truly enjoyed talking with you and hope you will write again!

Be blessed!

P.s. about your boys......my oldest has sensory intergration
dysfunction and has similar problems as your boys. He has
started preschool 3 days a week 9-1 and is doing great. He
attends therapy ot and pt 2 times a week. More about that
anothe time. When they start school I bet they will surprise
you and do GREAT!!

[mj77]

momthib,
Sounds like you have a great attitude and outlook. I am confident you will do fine. In our situation with our youngest, we sought the Lord in it. We would never have chosen to do the foster/adopt rout but we couldn't explain the peace over this situation even if it did appear to a long road. We knew that God would help us and that we would learn from the situation. To this point I am so glad we went with our hearts.

Keep us posted on your journey!

Blessings,
Melissa

[Momoffive1966]

MJ77

I am interested to chat with you. We are in the process of adopting two children who are legally free. The childrens case history will be presented to us on 10/18/04. We are excited but also scared. We have tow Bio Childreb 18, 16(we had at age 20 and 22) and a 3 year old we adopted thru Foster Care but we got Makenna at 11 months. The kids we are adopting are 4 and 8 and I have had 16 Foster Children but none over age 4. I am concerned about bonding with them...

[Momoffive1966]

Sorry MJ77 I made a mistake......

Riley6

I am interested to chat with you. We are in the process of adopting two children who are legally free. The childrens case history will be presented to us on 10/18/04. We are excited but also scared. We have tow Bio Childreb 18, 16(we had at age 20 and 22) and a 3 year old we adopted thru Foster Care but we got Makenna at 11 months. The kids we are adopting are 4 and 8 and I have had 16 Foster Children but none over age 4. I am concerned about bonding with them...