[riley6]

Originally posted by momthib
Hi riley6,
you wrote that your first foster child had problems that became to great and you had to disrupt. What does that mean. I'm thinking that means that you didn't adopt her. What were the problems, and what problems should we look out for? You also wrote that you were the 7th fh including respite....what does that mean? And last question what is the differances between foster/adopt and legal risk? I'm sorry for all the questions but I just want my family and myself to be fully prepared for this journey we are about to embark upon. I know that we are in for a long road but I'm so sure this is the direction God is leading us in because it's not the way I originally wanted to go! God leads us in His direction and it's our choice to decide to follow Him or go our own way and do things our own way.....I've learned that His way is always more rewarding. We know He will equipt us as needed. Thank you for your story and help. Be blessed and lets talk again.

Sorry, I didn't see this post until today.
We did not adopt our first fd. We had her removed, bc it was no longer safe for my family for her to be here. She had no boundaries and had a habit of lying. She almost destroyed everything we had. We had asked all the right questions and her sw outright lied to us about ALL of her issues.
Respite is when you have a child for short term to give their birthfamily or ff a break. It ranges from a day to a month here.
Foster/adopt here is when we are a foster home who will adopt the child should their status change, or when the goal has been changed to adoption and we are fostering until the tpr is granted. Legal risk adoption is when the tpr has been granted and we will adopt IF all the appeals finish with a trp. Each state uses different terminology.

[riley6]

Originally posted by Momoffive1966
Sorry MJ77 I made a mistake......

Riley6

I am interested to chat with you. We are in the process of adopting two children who are legally free. The childrens case history will be presented to us on 10/18/04. We are excited but also scared. We have tow Bio Childreb 18, 16(we had at age 20 and 22) and a 3 year old we adopted thru Foster Care but we got Makenna at 11 months. The kids we are adopting are 4 and 8 and I have had 16 Foster Children but none over age 4. I am concerned about bonding with them...

You really don't want to chat with me The first thing I would tell you is to not adopt older than the children already in your home. I have two friends irl, who are disrupting at the present time for exactly the reasons I say not to. They now have more damaged children to deal with It breaks my heart when I hear that children who otherwise had no issues or very simple issues now have to deal with being victims of sexual abuse (the one child was abused by a SIX year old girl!), bc the parents were trying to love and care for a child older than the children already in the home.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't have said that, bc you weren't asking about advice about that. Bonding...do as much with the child as possible, read, hold hands, insist on eye contact when being spoken to, color together in coloring books, do puzzles together, go on one-on-one dates.

Read up on RAD so you know what to look for. Get the kids in with an attachment therapist as soon as possible if the signs are there.

Are the kids going to be sharing a room? What are all the kids' genders? I would be VERY watchful of the new kids until you know them VERY well. Even then, things can happen in a moment when you are out of ear or eye-shot.

[Momoffive1966]

Riley6


The kids will all have thier own rooms.....M is a girl, age 8 and J is a boy age 4. The children have been in a foster home for a year with children younger than them and there have been no problems that they know of. Thank you for the ideas...we are very stong Christians and definately feel CALLED to this ministry. We are aware of the risks and will heed your advice to WATCH CAREFULLY and see where these kids are at. The ideas of lookoing into eachothers eyes when talking and such are excellent. I will study up on RAD and follow that one closely. Any other things you may think of will be helpful.....Thank you for taking the time to share your opinion.

Jillian

[Momoffive1966]

Riley6

Good News!!! I was actually allowed to talk to the Foster Parents today and filled in all the gaps. Because of your advice, we talked about RAD and other issues...Thank you

Jillian

[Momoffive1966]

Riley6

Good News!!! I was actually allowed to talk to the Foster Parents today and filled in all the gaps. Because of your advice, we talked about RAD and other issues...Thank you

Jillian