[sfbaymom2000]

Hi,

I have two questions about receiving "the call" that you have been matched with a child for a fost/adopt placement.

1. This may be silly...but do these calls only come during business hours? I know people doing regular and/or emergency foster care can get call about placements at any time of the day or night. But I am guessing that, since moving a child from a foster home to a fost/adopt home is not usually urgent, the social workers would call Mon-Fri, 9-5? I know it doesn't really matter much. Just that since I am thinking about it (getting matched) so much, that I guess I could at least I could relax more on weekends knowing that there was no chance I'd get a call until Monday. Of course, I would be thrilled to hear that we were matched at any time of the day or night!

2. A friend who is adopting told me to ask how many other families are being considered when we get a call about a child. She was disappointed that children they had been contacted about ended up going to other families. I brought this up to my SW, who said that if we got a call, that would mean we had been chosen...unless she needed to call to clarify something before submitting our homestudy. Can anyone shed any light on this? I don't want to get my hopes up too much if/when we get a call if others are still being considered as well.

Thanks!
Lynn

[leenab]

Our call for O came at 1pm on a weekday. Our call for R was a little different. A friend & fellow fost/adopt parent's caseworker for her baby girl had a 3 1/2 yr old boy to place and asked my friend if she knew of anyone looking for a child in that age range. Well, she instantly said, yes Leena is looking for a child. Anyway my friend called me, then the cw called me with more details. All of this was done after 5pm. But the official call was the next day after the caseworker spoke to the placement coordinator. It's not a very common way to get a placement, but it does happen.

Our call for T, who is just foster was during the day as well. But she didn't arrive until later.

Another thing about all of our children is that we never met them before placement. This is somewhat unusual but in O's case he had to be moved ASAP, and in R's case his cw & old fmom had prepared him to be adopted. R's transition was by far the smoothest of them all. I wish every child transistioned into care so well, and were so well prepared. T was removed directly from bioparents so there was no time for a transition.

So you may end up with visits with potential fost/adopt placements or you may not.

Hope this helps,
LeenaB

[bumpkin]

Lynn

When we got the call it was mid afternoon on a Tuesday. Our SW called us to tell us about the twins, and read their profile to us. She wanted to be sure we were interested in being presented before calling the Twins Social worker. After we agreed that we were indeed interested in being presented our SW sent our homestudy to the Twins SW and called her to tell her about us. The following Monday we were called and told that we had been "identified" and that the disclosure meeting would be the following Monday. At the disclosure meeting we got to see their whole file and got the names and phone numbers for their fostermoms, pediatricians and the bios SW to call and ask anything we wanted - we were also provided with their medical and birth records to show to our pediatrician. Both the twins SW and our SW were in attendance.

They were very clear that they did not want us to decide that moment, because they wanted us to make the phone calls etc.... They know that you can really get caught up in the excitement. We made the calls and the following day called them to confirm that we accepted the match wholeheartedly. We then scheduled the transition (they were in different foster homes) and 10 days later they were home!

Seems so long ago now!

Best of luck, I know that I always feel better when I can have a picture of what it may be like. Keep in mind that in many states a number of families have to go to a "staffing" to be choosen. I would imagine that when you get "the call" that you could, at that point, ask your worker if there are other families being considered.

I know that our SW asked us in the beginning if we wanted to know about the children before sending our homestudy or whether we wanted her to just submit our profile and call us when we had been identified as a family. I guess some people would just go nuts knowing that they were being presented, but I felt that the more I knew the better, the more interaction I had with the sw, the better she would get to know what our parameters were etc... I did tell her, however, that we didn't want to be a stumbling block and that if a situation came up that she thought we would be a good fit and she couldn't get to us to just use her judgement. They aren't going to make you take a match, afterall. Personally, I just didn't want her to see a great potential match at four on a Friday and not be able to contact us, and let it slide. Others might feel diferently.

Bumpkin

[Howdy]

The calls I've gotten have all been during regular work hours.

If your s/w says you would only be called after being selected, then I imagine you can trust that, sounds like the s/w does the decision about who to submit you for.

My s/w gives my name to the caseworker, who then calls me and tells me a bit about the child. I ask for therapist and foster parent phone numbers and call them (or one time the therapist required actually having a meeting with me and the adoption caseworker instead of a phone call). Then if I am still interested, I'd be submitted along with the other interested families and some committee would choose.

They skip the committee sometimes. I've had two placements. The first one supposedly another family was interested too, but the caseworker and my social worker always spoke/acted like it was a sure thing that the girl would be placed with me, and she was, I never heard whether the other family dropped out or what.

There was one time that there were 30 families who had submitted homestudies for two little boys (I'm not sure how many were interested in each boy, the siblings were being split up), but I didn't pursue that one after all.

My next placement there was no mention of any committee or any other interested families. I don't think the child was 'advertised' to anyone else, she had to be moved quickly and so they called me, I said 'yes', and she came a couple days later.

My most recent call was for a child that they had identified 3 other interested families, if I had been interested I would have made a fourth. They were hoping to find a local placement for her, some (or all) of the interested families were out of state. The case was going to committee one week later.

I think you can safely relax on weekends. And for that matter you can relax during the week too, assuming you have an answering machine that people can leave a message on.

[mj77]

I have been called durring business hours each time we were asked to foster. One was an emergency foster situation, the other looked like it could go to adoption but the only one we took was for our foster son now which we hope and pray to be able to keep. Foster to adopt means different things in different states. In our state, it usually not done as they believe it is a foster parents job to work with the state to reunite the child, whenever possible. However in our foster son's case now, it looked that he was going to adoption and the previous foster family decided not to do foster anymore so they needed a home that might be willing to adopt him (should it go that way) that's where we were asked and we accepted. Our first son (who is finalized) was actually an "adoptive placement" being we did straight adoption, but was actually labled "foster" as well until the adoption finalized a year later.

[karenw]

We just got the call today. We met with instate adoption counselors earlier this week and a child was brought up who met our parameters. He carries several scary diganoses (ODD and possible bipolar) but does not seem to be exhibiting the features anymore. He is also on a lot of meds that his caseworker thinks should be weaned and maybe even stopped.
We have done this before, so meds do not bother me, but his "cocktail" seems over the top given his history.

Sometimes the behaviors kids develop to survive are adaptive in that scenario and are not innate or psychiatric in nature. It's just so darn hard to tell this early in the process. We will go to full disclosure and then have 3-14 days to decide. We would hate to make a bad choice, so want to be thorough up front. I am scared and excited all at once.
Karen

[barbhuff]

We've gone to committee six times now. Each "call" seemed like a sure thing at the time until I grilled the SW about how many others were being considered. None of them have led to a placement yet for us.

Our most recent call was about a toddler sibling duo whom we had turned down when they came into foster care last October. They were exhibiting sexual behaviors that I just was not comfortable having around my 4 yo son at the time. Now, they are coming up for TPR, and we were a "strong, strong case" for adoptive placement. Much to my luck, our CW called yesterday to say that their foster parents have changed their mind and that they want to pursue permanency. So, again, its not me. AND IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME HAD I NOT TURNED THEM DOWN LAST YEAR!

Frustrating, but I stand by protecting my son. I've exposed him to more evils about this world than I ever wanted to just being a foster parent to fifteen different children in his lifetime. I had to protect some part of his innocence. We've had other sexually abused victims, but none that acting out like they said this baby did.

I went off venting... Sorry...

~B.

[sfbaymom2000]

karenw,

Congratulations on the possible match! Hope everything works out for you. How long have you been waiting since completing your homestudy?

barbhuff,

Sorry to hear about the frustrating experiences you've had. How long have you been waiting? So how did it work when they called you in the past? They ask if you are interested and then submit you, and all the possible families go "to committee"? Are you able to use your homestudy outside of your county and/or state? I saw in your profile that you are considering international. Since you have obviously put alot into this effort (fost/adopt), I hope it works our for you soon.

Have a great day!
Lynn

[barbhuff]

Originally posted by sfbaymom2000
karenw,

Congratulations on the possible match! Hope everything works out for you. How long have you been waiting since completing your homestudy?

barbhuff,

Sorry to hear about the frustrating experiences you've had. How long have you been waiting? So how did it work when they called you in the past? They ask if you are interested and then submit you, and all the possible families go "to committee"? Are you able to use your homestudy outside of your county and/or state? I saw in your profile that you are considering international. Since you have obviously put alot into this effort (fost/adopt), I hope it works our for you soon.

Have a great day!
Lynn

Thanks, Lynn. We've been at this for a little over two years.

We've been called for matches in Florida (twice), New Jersey (we could have had that one, but I was seriously wondering what those caseworkers were doing! That 8 yo girl could not be placed with her 5 yo brother because she was acting out on his agressively and sexually. She couldn't be with her own 5 yo brother, but she could be with my 5 yo? We said no quickly), and three here in Ohio-- only once by our own county.

We've been called dozens of other times ABOUT other possible matches, but those are the six times that we've actually gone to committee.

Barb

[karenw]

Barb,
I also applaud you for putting your children first. We spent a while before pursing another adoption being sure our kids could deal with a new child at all. We talk a lot about ages and risks with our caseworker. So far we feel that our biggest issue is the constant reminder that children under 9 are harder to come by. Seems odd given how horrrific some of the scenarios are. Maybe some should be removed a lot sooner!!!! We went to committee on a boy in Idaho, but knew ahead of time that the caseworker was going to recommend he stay with his current placement.

SF baymom-
We were licensed late July, but looked out of state when we were discouraged by our caseworker here. The boy we matched with in our state was available, but they did not present our homestudy to his worker because he is out of county and no one bothered to look!!! We were licensed in Illinois ten years ago and adopted our son there. I think we have a strong-ish homestudy because of our experiences with him and ten years of parenting foibles. We also have an eight year old birth daughter. We hope to know more soon about whether he is a good match for us. We also were told we were the only family being presented for his "best interest" staffing. His two younger sibs have been adopted already. The whole process is filled with waiting and frustration, but the kids are worth it.
Karen

[NorthBay04]

Hi Lynn,
We live in the North Bay. We are certified as a fost-adopt family. We have received potential referrals only during business hours. Our sw told us that they have a weekly meeting on Wednesday and we have found that we have gotten possible referrals on Wednesday afternoons or Thursday. When the phone rings on those days I always think it is the sw calling!

We had a sibling group matched with us and we had them in our home for one year but they were reunited with their mother. We had gotten a couple more calls after that but the children that we were offered had very serious medical problems and we weren't comfortable with the situations. However, we just got a call on Wednesday and we are finding out more info on a 13 month old baby girl. We have been waiting 10 months since our last placements left so we are hopeful that this time it might work out for us.

Good luck to you.
Vicki

[wenrl]

We kinda made our own "call," so it was on a workday to our child's worker. We were interested in our little girl through a state listing and contacted her worker ourselves and asked her often what was going on. It took four months of the worker finding matches and getting denied by other parents to even consider us, because we are out of state. She wouldn't even read our homestudy. Finally, she read our study, called our worker and asked for a disclosure meeting. We were the only family being considered at that time. We gave it a weekend of thought for the sake of not diving right in and accepted. Although our child had a rough past. it was comforting to see her file and find that there were clear reasons for every problem everyone else had found to be too much. Sometimes we think of the parents that turned her down and wonder if they can even imagine what they missed out on. We have a real sweety and we wouldn't trade her for the world.

[sfbaymom2000]

NorthBay04,

Hi neighbor! I have to ask...did it just break you heart when the sibling group left? Did you expect that outcome at all, or early on did TPR seem likely? I sure hope things work out for you with this little girl. Good luck!

Lynn



wrenl,

Congratulations on finding your daughter! How long has she been with you and how old is she? Is the adoption finalized? Sorry to be nosy...just curious. Have a great day!

Lynn

[NorthBay04]

Hi Lynn,
Yes, it broke our hearts when our fd and fs were reunited with their mother. The mother had her ups and down during the year they were with us. But we noticed a big change in her once the social worker told her that if she didn't stay with her plan then she might lose her children and not receive any more services from the county. That scared her and she did just enough to have the judge feel that she was making improvements to her life. I guess the final court decision did throw us off guard and it was the worst day of my life when we had to give the kids back.

We gave them back in November and it seemed like we had two deaths in the family. I went through a lot of grieving. I cleaned up their room and stored the high chair, their toys etc. Then I just shut the door to the room. It was awful.

In the spring time when I started to do some spring planting, I would come across little toys and a ball in the yard that were hidden by leaves. When I did my spring cleaning I found a little sock under a couch cushion and I would just hold it and cry.

I told myself I wasn't going to pursue fost-adopt situations again but after a few months we called the social worker to put our names back on the list. I just couldn't imagine going through life without raising a child.

Sorry to ramble but I always look back at all that we've done to become parents and I realize "it ain't over yet!"

Vicki

[sfbaymom2000]

Vicki,

Thanks for responding. That must have been so hard! Hopefully you have found some comfort in knowing how much good you did by being in those two children's lives for that year. Again, good luck with this possible placement, and I hope you'll keep us posted.

Lynn