[heidi and co.]

It sounds as if that is correct. But, the catch may be that the grandparents would have to have been ruled out along the way.Also, IMHO~it sounds like it would happen as long as there wasn't a guardianship or other document in place.Usually, the tpr notice will say that severerence occured with 'parents' names and a john/jane doe.' This usually covers anyone else that may come forth .Have you ever seen the order? Again, our state may be different but I asked my husband's opinion and he agreed. He works for the state in the licensing/regulation area of foster care and adoption. Just my thought and please know prayers are with the boys.

[jamie3]

I woke up today and wondered if they would ultimately be better off with the bio family. That is the first goal of foster care. I just hate that the state promoted bonding with us before they finally got around to doing the homestudy on the grandparents.

Of course we have to question their parenting skills given the circumstances of the boys' birth, abuse and neglect by this woman's daughter. She was only 15 and 16 when they were born. Things could not have been good at home.

[heidi and co.]

I know how you feel. We had 2 kiddos with us for 2 years and they ended up with relatives. I had to keep bringing myself back to the true meaning of fostercare, over and over. The cw had told the kids that they would be with us forever and discussed adoption's meaning. I am convinced that discussion was very damaging to those kids in many ways. She later denied the conversation. Now I am grateful that they are with biofamily and that they are hopefully safe but it is those instances that someone's mistake can truly etch a child's view of the world forever. Sometimes I think that the child welfare system as a whole is too big and expected to do the impossible. When it works, it really works and when it fails it can be tragic.

[jamie3]

My pictures are finally showing up. Aren't they beautiful?!

[3girls1boy]

Oh Jamie
After all your struggles with this. I can't believe this is happening. The boys are beautiful. I guess you just need to pray to be able to accept whatever happens. It seems the system (and maybe grandparents) is forgetting these little guys are people. They aren't possessions everyone can have a little part of. It certainly seems the best thing for them is to stay with the people they consider their family- which is you guys. We are in a similar situation with a family adoption. Its very hard to have put a child's needs before your own, and then to have to fight to do it. Sometimes I feel like we are being punished for trying to do the right thing by this child. I am so sorry. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa

[jamie3]

My biggest gripe by far is how much the state pushed the bonding and permancy. It may all work out, but it may be some time before we know. Their caseworker told their other foster mother to prepare them to "meet their parents". That they were getting a new forever mom and dad and that they would be with us forever. Of course that is not the caseworker they have now. We have been doing intensive counseling all summer to calm Ryan down and make him more secure in the fact that I am never going to leave him.

I know that if this falls apart we will all recover. However, I think the cw screwed up. She didn't believe that the gp were suitable so never investigated them. I know my mom would want my kids if I lost them for some reason so I don't blame the grandmother or the current caseworker for what they are doing. I am, however, furious at the other worker who brought us all together as a forever family without following the rules. I have to think about what I am going to do about that situation. If I lose the boys she will be hearing from me for sure. Since she is no longer involved with them, she at least needs to be aware of what ultimately became of these people she set up for heartbreak.

[lambeausam]

Jamie,

I know how hard you have worked with these boys - it's been an incredible labor of love. I can't help but believe that they are right where they are supposed to be. Hold tight to your faith! They are just beautiful boys!

Sam

[HappyMomAnna]

Oh Jamie--this is so frustrating! I agree with SAM keep the faith it sounds like a weak case for the GM under the laws you have found...with the cirucmsatances of the GF having criminal history.

Lets hope the courts see the attachment as important and I know there are a lot of prayers being made for this situation. This kind of thing is one of my big pet peaves with Foster to Adopt and I agree with you--a family should not be lead down the adoption path until the state has made all the right steps including the extended family investigations.... I hate that a caseworker feels they can simply discount a grandparent who has made a request it is so much better to deal with these issues in advance rather then to have something like this go on!

Please try to have a nice vacation with DH and put this matter in God's hands while you are enjoying each other.... "It is not over till the 'fat lady' sings...."

Anna

[bumpkin]

OH Jaimie - Thoughts and good wishes going out to you. It is our worst nightmare that this can happen.

The boys are certainly beautiful. How wrong that the proper steps weren't followed to make sure no loopholes were left. Having said that, it sounds like the concerns of the SW were valid and perhaps the gp will not pass the Homestudy. Don't they have to take any Path or MAPP training too? I'm sure that it is so hard for the grandparents to let go that they can make these attempts to delay the inevitable....just to ease their conscience. It would seem that they would have kicked and screamed for the HS to be done and visits to occur during the last 6 months if they were really invested.

I pray that these boys will be safe and happy all the days of their lives.

Bumpkin

[tlc4kidz]

Jamie,
Have you met the gparents? What is your cw's opinion on that? I was just wondering because we had a fd a couple years ago the aunt had decided to adopt. She changed her mind when she met with us and we assured her we would advocate for a placement (I know it is different with you because you ARE the placement) that would keep some family contact. That's all she needed. She didn't really want to commit to a lifetime of all the work, but her love for her niece made her feel like she should.

Just wondering if the gp's truly WANT these boys or are just operating out of fear right now that they'll lose them forever. Is there anything you could do to reassure them? A letter or email contact? Just a thought. I guess someone who knows them and their motivations would have to make that decision.

[mom to 3]

the guardians( who in this case are DDFS) can approve of her bringing suit. Maybe they are afraid that she will sue or something as she had been asking for a homestudy prior to TPR. Good luck with this situation.

[hopefulcouple]

Jaime3,
I"m new to this site and I just read what you are going through.
I have been something similar. We had a foster child for 1 year and 9 months. We were to adopt him and started all the paperwork and everything. Did the adoption process and then the county decided they wanted to send him back home with his mom. I was so furious, and upset. NOw we are no longer doing foster care we are just going for adoptoin.
If you have yahoo I would be more than happy to talk to you on there. 0n_the_go_247
hopeful couple.....