[sassafras]

Okay gang, our other thread got shut down due to someone being rude I guess. Brandy said she edited the rude post. I am really curious about one thing. It seems this issue varies alot from state to state. I am from KS and they do NOT encourage people to get into foster care to adopt and it sounds like other states actually encourage this. I am curious as to what state you are from and if your state encourages this or discourages this? Sounds like they differ alot!

[claschober]

I am from California and just recently finished our PRIDE training. In our class about 3/4's of us were foster/adopt with the remaining 1/4 being foster. Most of the training was geared toward foster/adopt situations and although they didn't push foster/adopt it seems as though it was highly suggested as an option. The thing I did like about our training is they did stress that even with foster/adopt their goal is reunification and if there is no reunification that you as an adoptive family be willing to have an open adoption. I also got the impression that each county is different in their training so I probably shouldn't speak for all of California.


Cindy

[jamie3]

Since I have 3 bio children I was not prepared for the emotional turmoil of emergency foster placements and all that goes with them. Many foster parents are up to that and I think that when my kids are grown I would like to try that. We were more interested in providing a forever home for someone who needs us. Our family is stable and thriving and we want the opportunity to share that with someone who has never been there. I couldn't see my kids gaining a sibling and then loosing him.

Therefore, we decided to foster kids who were close to tpr and might be available for adoption. Our worker knew of 2 boys who needed a permenant home (since their foster parents are retired and not interested in adoption) so she asked us if we would be interested. The situtation fit with our current abilities so they moved in with us on February 2. The tpr hearing was one week later.

If we had agreed to do straight foster I am afraid that we would have had a really hard time with it at this point and probably ended up quitting. However we now have 2 new sons through the foster care system who needed adoption rather than fostering. This is what God called us to do and these boys are what He had planned for us.

I think it was in our best interest and the agencies to be specific on the type of care we were able to provide. We didn't take emergency placements with the hope of adoption. We took kids who were ready for adoption with the hope of adoption. There is a HUGE difference.

In Texas, this is called legal risk. We took a chance that this would go through but it was a risk. The agency loves foster homes who will take kids no matter what, but they also were very happy to have us take these boys as our forever kids. The former foster parents have an excellent role in the system and so do foster-adoptive parents. It takes all kinds and one is not better than the other. Our state is glad to have us and them.

[Howdy]

The Colorado county I am licensed with told us at orientation that Legal Risk (foster-adopt) was for placements in the 0 - 6 yrs age range, and above that was regular adoption. But now that I'm more experienced, I know that they do occaisionally have adoptable children under 6 yrs, and from my own two placements I know that they have Legal Risk children over the age of 6 yrs.

[mj77]

I am from Oregon, and our state stongly discourages foster to adopt because they feel it is a conflict of interest when a foster family wants to adopt a foster baby and the state's first goal is reunification with the bio-family. There are many legal risk babies out there where the state is working on terminating parental rights and family isn't a resourse.

[1of2moms]

We finish our PRIDE training this week. In Idaho, if you want to adopt a child over the age of 1 domestically, you must have a foster care licence. Our PRIDE class class was about 1/2 kinship care, the rest not quite all foster/adopt. Only 2 families interested in straight foster.

We are interested in foster/adopt in the 0-5 age while also interested in fostering teenagers. We would even be open to adopting a teen if it were a foster child who ended up not being able to go home. But, as we have no bio kids (still trying for a bit longer) we really would like to eventually have a few of the younger kids become part of our family forever.

The classes stress that parental reunification is the goal of foster care but Idaho does concurrent planning for many children so that if reunification fails, adoption has already been also planned for.

[ArmyWife55]

im in kentucky and they VERY strongly suggest concurrent planning (foster-adopt). also, my husband is in the army and his leadership is also telling us that concurrent planning is their suggestion. we arent 100% sure what we are going to do and we are trying to open to all possibilities, so we'll see.

[melindam2]

I live in Santa Clara County, Calif., and when I did the Pride classes (about a year ago) I was assigned two social workers, one for foster and one for foster/adopt. It was understood that if the adoption social worker called me, it was strictly for a child that had a very good chance of being adopted.

As it turned out, for about 9 months I was never called by either social worker. Then out of the blue I was called by the foster/adopt SW about a 3 month old boy that I had been matched with! He has been in an emergency foster home since birth. At this point reunification services have been terminated, and the termination of parental rights hearing is Oct. 4th. The mother has almost no chance of getting him (she was out of jail two week, and has now violated her parole by leaving a drug rehab facility). According to her the father was homeless, and my SW states there are no relatives to consider.

I do still have to worry that the father may show up (once the notice is posted), or that some long lost relative may pop up, but it seems very much in my favor.

Now if I had been contacted by the foster social worker, it would have been understood that this was strictly a foster child, with the goal of reunification.

[Hunter's Mom]

In Alabama, there is no such thing as Foster to Adopt. All parents who go into classes strictly to adopt are encouraged to foster bc of the large number of kids in our state who are adopted by foster parents if it goes to TPR. I have some dear friends who wanted 1 or 2 biracial children under 4. They chose straight adoption and were waiting for a long time. They decided to foster as well when the licensing worker called them and begged . They believe these children will be returning to their mom soon and they may very well be, but my cw is a big mouth and told me that the reason they did not want the fp at court is bc they are going for TPR and don't want them to get their hopes up.

It is more of a darned if you do and darned if you don't situation here. They either think you will sabotage ru to be able to adopt if you are licenses for both or think you are not really wanting to be parents if you don't want to foster. Then there is the real monster, those who foster with no intention to adopt - they are evil, according to those DHR workers in our county.

Christy

[JadedSaint]

We are in Arizona and I agree with what many of you said about the PRIDE classes that stress upon family reunification. However, we were very upfront with our case worker about our wishes to adopt. In AZ, we need to first become certified as a fp, even if we have zero intention on fostering. We are still torn between straight adoption vs. a very low risk fost-adopt situation. But there is a concurrent plan for each child in this state.

[SmileMonkey]

In Maryland they have foster to adopt and we were encouraged to go this route even though we approached DSS as adopt only.

We were initially told that there were no homestudies being done on caucasian families, then told that if we were interested in a child 10 or over that we could get it done.

When the worker came to our home after filling out the application she told us that they thought we wanted to be foster parents and talked to us about how this would be a good option for us, if we could accept the risk.

[leenab]

In NJ there is a fost/adopt program. The training I went through had 18 families of which 2 were strictly foster. The remaining were fost/adopt.

Fost/adopt is very common here; I believe NJ is expanding its fost/adopt program. One of my sons came legally free while the other was freed 39 days after being placed with us. Both cases were pretty much definate. There are cases where fost/adopt can drag on for a year or even 2 years while waiting for TPR.

Dh & I got into this specifically to ADOPT children and went the fost/adopt route. We chose a 2yr8month old boy and a 3.5yr old boy for our future sons. Part of the reason our experience has gone so well is that the children are a bit older and considered hard to place. At the time we were presented with children we had a list to choose from. NJ has a shortage of fosterparents, fost/adopt parents and adoptive parents for children who are considered "hard to place".

I don't see anything wrong in getting into the state system with a goal of adoption if you're going the fost/adopt route.

LeenaB

[Lisa3NY]

I am from New York, and it depends on the county. They encourage foster to adopt in my county. It is the job of the COUNTY to reunite. Foster parents don't have much say in what is the outcome of the children.

The county strongly advises us to love the children and have them call us "mom" and "dad" so that they don't feel left out. They also strongly encourage us to "love them as our own."
Our job is very clear, and I do my job very well. I love them as my own, and I just wait in the corner to see what they county decides.

I did at one point take the leep of faith and tried helping the birthmom. She had domestic violence issues. I was told the children were being reunited, so I wanted to help her. I gave her extra visits with the children thinking I was doing the right thing...until a few weeks ago, she told me she stabbed her boyfriend so badly that she left a pool of blood in the apartment the night before. She is up on criminal charges.

I realized I could have been putting myself and my children in serious danger for "doing the right thing". I decided from now on, I will do my job as a foster parent. TO LOVE THE CHILDREN, and let the county to it's job.

And for all of those who judge foster parents for getting into it for soley adopting... As it says in the bible, "Judge lest ye be judged." Foster parents need all of the encouragement they can get. To all fellow foster parents, keep your heads up high... be proud of being a foster parent... no matter what state you are in, or what your reasoning is for getting into it!

Lisa

[mj77]

Wow Lisa what a situation! I know our state doesn't disclose everything about the parents so making a judgement about extra visits would not be mine to make.

I would like to defend my standpoint in not believing foster parents should do foster for the sole purpose of adopting. There are some great things about it like, you probably will love the child as your own. However, for those thinking about it who have never done foster care before, I think it can be more emotionally draining than can be imagined. I strongly discorage it for the same reasons our state does (listed in my earlier post). I thought I was stong enough, and perhaps I am. I told myself I would wait to worry if the time came. Many people who think the way I did/do may truly do a great job foster-to-adopt, but many too may wish they only knew how much stress it would put on their entire family and wish they had never done it. My advice to people concidering this rout to adoption who have never fostered before is to not just do what they feel at the moment but talk with foster parents (not just thier friends that are foster parents who want them to be parents, but others too). Hear about what it feels like to hold a baby in your arms for several months and pray that child is to be yours and then learn that you will loose them. I pray every night that we wont loose our foster son. I think this issue is bigger than just being prideful as a foster parent. There is so much more involved. So please don't judge us that have the belief it is better when you sign up to be a foster parent to BE a foster parent. In our state there are babies available for straight adoption too. Oregon often recruits other states to adopt our waiting children.

Melissa

[Lisa3NY]

Melissa,
I understand everything you are saying and totally agree with giving advice to people going into foster care and telling them the joys and pitfalls. I am involved in a foster parent recruitment group and when I talk in front of people about foster care, I tell them the truth. I think in the end each person is different and has to find what is the best route for them to take.

I have decided that the children deserve all the love I can muster up for them, and that if they are returned, at least I know I made an impact on them... and if they never recieve the same kind of love again... hopefully they will remember my husband and I and believe in love. That is my decision, and I understand how that could devistate my husband and I, but are the kids worth it? Absolutely. If my kids go back, I will do it all over again and feel good about it. I aslo explain to the people I talk to that this may not be the avenue for them...that they have to search their soul and find the right one.

What ticks me off is in the last thread, someone made mention that foster parents who go into foster care to adopt ruin the reuniting process. There may be some out there, but I believe that most of us foster to adopt are not like that. As far as I knew, this was a foster support forum, not a foster condemn one.

So, in essence, I agree with you on telling people what your beliefs are, and I wouldn't dream of judging you or the birthmother of my children or anyone. I've learned that lesson. You have to walk a mile in someones shoes before you can judge what their decision making is.

By the way, the county is going for tpr in august for my kids, but it may be a long road since birthmom completed her classes in between knifing up people.

Good luck to you.

Lisa