[Z&Z'smom]

Dawn, you are right. Private adoptions are just outrageous! There are too many people who are making a ton of money off of potential loving adoptive parents who only want to provide a home to a child in need. Money becomes a HUGE barrier between the home and the children who desparately need them. It's not right and something should be done. Adoption should be about children and their need of a loving home. Plain and simple.

[HappyMomAnna]

Originally posted by Sleepydream
I do not think you should be trashing well meaning foster parents because they :

HappyMomAnna said:
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then complain that it drags on for years...or the child is returned to less then perfect lives...
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That comment is flat ignorant, as a foster provider yourself you ought to know better. We decided to foster/adopt because we knew we wanted to adopt and thought it would be a wonderful gift to our community to help other children along the way until God put "our" child into our home.

Just for the record I am NOT a Foster Care Provider...I adopted my children through the State as a Straight Adoption. We did not Foster them--We met them after we decided to be their Forever Parents and brought them home.... We have at no time had any question about keeping them.

I will consider Fostering in the Future when I am finished building my family and when my children are old enough and healthy to deal with the issues being a Foster Family might bring.... I am still in the "mother-mode" and still wanting to be a MOM and therefore I am not READY to be the KIND of Foster Parent I would expect myself to be.....

Just wanted to clear that up.

[ArmyWife55]

Originally posted by shycar
I agree that many foster parents do not care for reunification or for meeting the bparents. That goes with Foster-adopt parents and Foster parents that have no plans of adoption. I think many forget the purpose of fostering. It is not for getting a free child or becouse its bparents right to get their child back, it is for the child. We need to think what is best for the child that is in our home. No matter the amount of abuse or neglect most children want their mommy and daddy. If you care about the child then your job is to try to work hard to make that poss. I also agree that if there is no poss. reunification then it is in the best interest that the child not be moved from home to home. If sw Knows that reunification is not poss, then im glad that there is foster-adopt homes where the child will no be moved around, but have a perm loving home.

couldnt agree more.

[HappyMomAnna]

As for the statistics on Foster to Adopt they are not fully in as of yet. Many states did not allow Foster to Adoption before 1997.
The Social Service department is also in most cases not able to seperate the numbers and demonstrate which families are Straight Adoption and Which are Foster to Adopt because children placed in pre-adoptive families are usually classified as Foster Families in order to act as legal guardians...

Right now there is interest among Senators to look at this issue of Foster to Adopt and of infants especially.

As for the costs of private adoption--My biological son cost $18,000 to be born and my Daughter was not much less--Children cost a lot.....

When we went into our State Adoption program we knew nothing about the costs and we didn't even think to ask--That was never even part of our reason--We simply wanted biological siblings and to give children a new chance in life---We had no idea that it was going to be free nor did we even know about the Adoption Assistance program for special needs--I remember my husband and I being stunned when we were picking up our children and their caseworker asked us to consider our subsidy request--we were like: Huh why would we be given money for our own children?

Domestic infant adoption also usually includes a birthmother who wants the best for her baby--and tried to take care of herself.

My daughter spent four years in a shopping cart she called home and had a baby brother born addicted to herion....

[Dawn-NJ]

I do know that children cost a lot.
I gave birth to my bio daughter, but my health insurance company paid for that, we have supported her , as all parents do and she cost plenty, (like $125 a month in SImilac formula, etc) but these are weekly cost, we can handle them but between our mortgage, utilities and misc, we are not able to save the huge amounts of money that private agencies ask for.
I have no insterest in the money the state pays to keep the foster/adopt children at home, we do not need it to support the child.
I would just love to see some kind of regulations for private adoptions, so that it is more affordable for regular folks like me who want a bigger family but cannot afford those outrageous fees.

[Z&Z'smom]

Yes, children are expensive. Most people who have biological children have medical insurance that covers much of the cost of having a child. They don't have to pay the $15,000-$20,000 out of pocket to have their child like many adoptive parents do.

[BrandyHagz]

Some of the responses to this thread are teetering very close to violating the Terms of Service, and in fact, one response has already been deleted for that reason.

Violations of the Terms Of Service put you in danger of becoming banned.

This is the one, and only, warning I will make on this thread.

Rudeness will NOT be tolerated, period!

[sassafras]

Okay Brandy I did not think what I said was rude but I will TRY to reword it sinced you deleted my post.

Armywife if I had the resources I would go through an agency. Alot of people that can't afford a child go through foster care and there are not enough babies for everyone that can't afford it.


Dawn, did you know there is a $10,000 tax credit to help people that can't afford to put the money out for an agency? Alot of people use this to help with expenses.

[JadedSaint]

Originally posted by Dawn-NJ
I would just love to see some kind of regulations for private adoptions, so that it is more affordable for regular folks like me who want a bigger family but cannot afford those outrageous fees.

I actually agree with this statement. But, the reality is the word "private" meaning many private agencies are wanting to make a profit. And although I do agree with this sentiment, and certainly fit into the category of "regular folks", the truth is that there are just not as many babies out there as opposed to older children. Unless of course, you do chose the private adoption. It's a catch-22 dilemma. I would love the opportunity to adopt an infant. After 3 miscarriages, failed fertility treatments, my reality is that an infant/toddler is just not in the cards for me. So I had to totally adjust my way of thinking. I admit at first I was not keen on the idea of fost-to-adopt. I strictly wanted straight adoption only. My...how your train of thought totally changes after you finish your classes!

But, back to the original statement, if there were some regulations to make private adoption more affordable, I'd certainly support it. But, I'm in love with the idea of now adopting through the state.

[honeyb70]

When I started to read this post, I did not like it. I do think it is important to hear the opinions of others, even if they are not the same as your own. So, here is mine.........

I am a foster parent, with hope of adoption. Our caseworker is fully informed of our intent. We know that reunification with birthparents is first priority. I know we do a great job to encourage that. We talk to the children about their parents and show them photos between visits. This openness really helps the kids to know that it is okay for them to be happy with us and still love and miss their parents. We keep the parents informed each week of little things their child does that are cute or praise worthy, and we take pictures of the kids for the parents.

However, with each child, I wonder if this is the one that is meant for us. I think this helps me love them completely. It does make it harder when they return home, but I do think they have benefitted from their time in our home and this unconditional love. I wouldn't do it any other way.

[jodybird511]

Leca:

Yeah, the tax credit is great, but it comes _after_ everything is final. Families still have to put out tens of thousands of dollars on the front end. I don't know many that have that kind of funding just lying around.

[Dawn-NJ]

That is exactly what I wanted to say. You need the money upfront way before you can file for tax credit.
For example a secretary that has a nice job and healthy insurance but only makes about $20,000 a year, how is she suppose to come up with the kind of money that many agencies are asking for which can be over her yearly salary.

[HappyMomAnna]

I am not sure someone who is making $20,000 a year should take on the additional costs of child raising.... ?

[Dawn-NJ]

WHy not? If they were able to get pg and have a biol child they would.

Sorry this is getting silly now but I think that adoption should be available to everyone. I think low income people have the right to be parents and adopt also.

[spaypets]

Where I live, that secretary would qualify for welfare if she had a child. $20,000 is virtual poverty -- in New Jersey certainly! I don't think we should be deliberately creating families that will need public assistance.