[cuddles]

I went into foster care the second time with high hopes of helping a child and the whole family I wanted to do the visitation so that I could answer any? and be OK that he or she was going back to the birth family one day, after meeting Mom and G parents I found out that she had a 2 yr. old and that G parents had legal custody of him, the birth mother acted like the 2 yr. olds annoying older sister and nothing like a Mom would act. And grandma was Mom to both
They did not ask me about his progress seeing he was taken from her at 1 and half months old you would think they would be nothing but ?????
but NO they spent the hour complaining how they had all been done wrong by DCF.
I asked G parents why they did not step up and foster him like the first one .now I was this baby's 4th foster home in 3 months and they said he was often dirty and smelled like smoke and was also sick a lot with the foster homes he was in I asked them why did you leave him in foster care if he was miss treated they said
because we are to old and tired of helping our daughter out of the messes she has gotten her self into they asked if they where to lose him would we adopt him and I said we would love too. they said they thought it would be best for him.
now the Gparents and her would visit once a month and also missed 1 court date
they have an older daughter in her late 30s but she's not married and has no kids and works full time she also did not want to foster him.
until they where going to TPR Mom, G parents talked older daughter into fostering him for the sister and then she said I gauss I will adopt him or foster him to the judge after he was in foster care for 10 months with only one visit from aunt. because they decided that I was the bad guy and out to steal there property.
every visit I asked them to foster there Grand child and they would always say no he is fine now that he is living with you and your family.
but they hate me now because the baby cried at all there visits with them they said I was spoiling him. he cried when held by family members but not with me or cw . and stopped when any one else held him and then they decided I was making them look bad to the cw .
. G parents yelled at me and said you will not be adopting him we wont let you now .the next month we went to court and the judge decided that sister was not going to take him now because she was not in his life and did not want him when asked to take him in the beginning, and after 4 foster homes why should she take him from the only stable home he has ever none that the judge wanted the Mom to get it together on her own if she was to get him back she has had 1 visit in 4 months now and
at court the judge told her to visit and do her case plan or she was going to TPR her in April the grand parents are not allowed to visit any more because they are to controlling, the judge TPR them 2 months later at the next visit she showed up with a new boyfriend he informed me that they wanted to visit 2 times a week and then he turned to her and said 2 times a week right she said ya OK he acted as if they were visiting a dog they want to buy at a pet storehe kept saying he's a keeper.this man is 22 years older then her but she date 20 pluse older men that I have seen so far and there has been 3 , my? now after all this. will the sister get a chance to adopt him before us. my husband and I have been married 22 yrs and have a 12 year old that we adopted at the age of 5 we own our home and we all love him more then words can say along with our whole family. I know Mom wont get him back she cant keep a job or a place to live she does not drive and does not visit but once a month at her best. she only does what she is pushed to do. by family or new boy friends
I m scared for him if this case ends up with reunification she is not fit to care for a dog. I know its hard for every one involved I trust that DCF will do what is best for this child who thinks hes already HOME !
so how do you think this will turn out
also the mom is going to have anther baby .will she be able to keep this one if she loses baby D she has already lost the first one to G parents or will they take him or her away as well ?

[Redangel]

I am going threw a simlar situation. This is just my understanding. If you express to the caseworkers that you want to adopt this child then you are considerd a resource as well. I belive all resoucres for the child go up in front of the same commitie and state why you should be the adopted parent. I know they try to keep sibs together if possible. My fs has been in fc since he was 9days old he is 16mo now. There is on resoucre that might try, they have adopted his siblings he is not blood related to these people but if they do want to try to adopt him they have to go in front of a commitee just like I do. From there we just pray. I can prove that this child is bonded to us, we are the only parents he knows. So basicly get your ducks in a row in and prepare your self to fight and try to get this child and prove that this child is better off with you. God Bless you and Good Luck.

[cuddles]

I wish you luck with your foster child as well,
my first foster child we adopted had no visits from any one in her family
and we still waited for her to TPR 2 years later, it was like waiting to have a miss carriage after 7 months of being pregnant that's the best way to explain the feeling you have after falling in love with a child that truly needs you.
you feel like you've waited forever and when you become there forever family its hard to believe its really real. this one is harder because the child doesn't even know them they have made them self's strangers they have my cell pH #
home ph# and where we live.
I was trying to make it easier for all involved.
when the time came for him to go home.but they never call or visit him much there was 4 months between the last visit and they only seen him then because I took him to court with me .they are late for visits and leave me nasty massages on my cell from time to time if they don't get a phone call back with in a few hours of her calls. and now IM just in it to help the baby at this point he has to be my first priority and I realize now it would be wrong to send him back to that environment.where he is at the bottom of the got to do list .

[Redangel]

I became very close to my fs bio's, I always bit my tounge when she would say cutting remarks to me. I would try to have her play the mother role when we where both around baby J. Even though she wanted me to change his diapers cause he fusses when she changes him. She exposed him to Meth ect.. (who knows what else) He can through a fit up to 2hrs I saw both bio's had a extremaly hard time handling that. So I became very close to them and devopled trust between us. When home visits started again for the second time to return him home. I would hang out for a bit feel things out andit was so hard leaving him screaming knowing how hard it was for them in the office where they had help but to be alone with him for hours. She started saying wierd things like she wont spank this one cause when she starts she cant stop, Ok did I mention he is a meth baby. ANyways I wrote every thing down I called the caseworker every visit it seem reporting. My husband and I smelt achol on one of the breaths and evenataly he was caught relasping. I feel like DHS are very busy and we as foster parents wear many different hats, maybe PI being one, but really I just didnt want him to slip through any cracks, If he gets to live with us or somone else I just want him to be safe and happy and have to oppratinaty to grow up and make better choices in life.

[cuddles]

Well, the birth Mom has not called this week its Friday, IM sure she will call to see him on his first Birthday 28 days from now, his birthday is on a Sunday but we are taking the family to Disney for the weekend for his birth day. I asked the case worker first if we could go on his B-day she said yes I do not have to do week end visits with Bio Mom.
I guess when the boyfriend said we want to see him 2 times a week from now on it must have been for shock value. Just to see how we would react.
now I want to say I did get alone with her at first and just like you tried to step back during visits so she could in joy the visits with her son .
I would just sit there in a corner talking to one of the G parents and watched the baby fuss when she would jiggle him or hold him the wrong way.
when he would start to cry she would start passes him back and forth between her parents all hoping that the baby would connect with one of them and stop crying, when ever the baby would cry she give him to grand ma but the baby didn't like her the most IM not sure why he cried she seemed to be OK to me and at least trying , but she tried to comfort him even when on the brink of hysteria and the baby would not stop until someone finally gave up and passed him back to me as he cried ma ma ma ma . grand ma would always say that baby is spoiled rotten
its hard to be the foster Mom when the baby calls you mama
but your not mama this stranger jiggling you the way you hate to be held or jiggled is your ma ma
you just want to say just hand him back to me I no what to do but you can't.
as a foster Mom you just keep putting him threw the stranger visits I think he thinks this is the only time IM not acting like me mama which is to protect him from stress and fear of being held by someone he does not like.you must understand at least one thing he never cry's when anyone has ever held him to this day except them go figure.
I also wonder how the baby's birth mother goes months with out seeing him and keeps her sanity we cant even go to a movie for 2 hours with out calling to see if he's all right we don't go out because I find my self missing him when he is not with me IM OK when my husband has him that's the only time I can truly relax I think that's because they are mad for each other they are equally in love with each other, the baby and my husband are deeply bonded to one anther. I think even more then I am.

thanks for the contact its nice to no Im not alone out there .

[Late Bloomer]

We are in a very similar situation, sounds like. Bio grand parents are the controlling ones, birth mom has done very little on her plan -- they brought her to visits each week, but she never completed any rehab, any mental health help, employment, etc. Parents got her an apartment 'cause she was homeless, but she's not paying for it. At first they thought we were doing a fine job of taking care of baby, but after time came for TPR they wanted to control where he went, rather than letting us adopt him. They had daughter agree to a surrender to a distant relative they all had never met, and we fought it with an attorney. So we're in the middle of this awful battle now. I hate it too when we're at doctor visits and I have to watch them hold him and jiggle him and get in his face the way they do to provoke a smile. He's exhausted after their visits. I just try to stay near and make sure he can see I'm still around, and thank God he's going home with me and not them. Sometimes I see glimmers of hope that the system is starting more to recognize the rights of a child who has bonded with their foster family over the rights of the bio family to use him as "bait" to get their daughter to go straight, or as a way to pull them all together for a change. Will let you know how ours goes... Good luck with your situation, and keep posting!

[cuddles]

thanks thanks thanks
I will do just that please let me know as well about your child, our baby's birthday is on the 28th of march.
he will be the big number one IM so happy!
and the last visit birth Mom came to see D was 2 weeks ago and her new boy friend said we want to see him at least 2 times a week that was 2 weeks ago there has been no phone calls from them at all.
but in the mean while your freaking out thinking they where going to fallow threw and start visiting 2 times a week but then theirs nothing not a call not a peep,
I keep checking all my phone massages waiting for her angry voice saying call me back now .but just like everyone keeps telling me she wont call until the babys birthday and act like she should get to see him after all of this time she has been gone, but we have already planed our Vacation to Disney World the case worker said because its on the week end and she is not visiting like she should we can go and make the reservations for the week end trip for his birthday.so that has mad us all very happy , IM just going to keep on living my life and loving him and what will be will be or I think the stress of it all would eat me alive, I pray we do not have to take the same road you are on .but your bio family sound just like mine to the T , I will keep you all in our prayers thanks cuddles and Family in Florida

Cuddles

[Love_um_all]

if mom is not doing her plan, missing visits, why not stop visitation all together, or at least until she shows progress. That really should not be too much to ask for - and our caseworker do that all the time when family is acting so crazy... ask about it... it may just give you some peace. You should not be at her beck and call.