[ncmtnmommy]

Hello! I posted my introduction earlier in the Main Forum and really look forward to sharing here. (My introduction...) Has anyone adopted children from the foster care system without actually doing any foster parenting? We desire a permanant adoptive placement and would love to hear any advice or stories. Thanks so much!

[willowhawk]

Yes..I have adopted through the foster care system without doing foster care....I was strictly a pre-adoptive home.....I wanted to keep the kids that were coming into my home!!! Send me an email....willowhawk92002@yahoo.com...

[JenniferB]

May I email you also? I'm interested in hearing what else you have to say on this subject? What state are you in?

[JuliannaTeresa]

I have Adopted through the Foster Care Photolistings without Foster Parenting first!

[JenniferB]

Don't mean to be a dummy, but what are the Foster Care Photolistings? My husband and I are just starting out in this. We've been married almost 3 years and found out that my heart condition will be ok as long as I do not put myself under the physical stress of pregnancy...sooooo, we are interested in fostering/adoption. What we were told was that babies rarely go right into the adoption system, so the best thing to do would be to "foster to adopt", else we might never adopt.
We are in Alabama, so if you or anyone else can shed some light on this subject for it, we would greatly appreciate it.

[Lorraine123]

I also adopted from the foster care system without fostering first. We adopted through foster care photolisting. I live in MD but my daughter came from PA. I would also be available to answer any questions anyone has. It has been a wonderful experience.

[JuliannaTeresa]

www.adoptuskids.com or www.adoptablekids.com both have Photolistings of children from all of the states' Foster Care Systems!

With Children under the age of 7 years ( this depends on your state also). The Advocacy is usually Reunification with either the Birthparents or extended Family ie Grandparents or Adult Aunt and Uncle.

There are children where the Advocacy is also what is referred to as ' Low Prognosis'. That Reunification is not in the best interest of the child!

[lucyjoy]

I adopted without fostering. State laws vary as to weather you have to be licensed as a foster parent.

[crick]

We adopted a sibling group of 4 (3 boys & 1 girl) that were 5,4,3,&2 and did not do fostering at all. They were living in foster care in CO for approx. 10 months before being placed with us.

For us, it was a great journey and would do it again if we ever feel the desire for another child. With 4 already though, I don't know about that! lol.

My advice would simply be to get all the information you can and thoroughly read the files on the children you are planning to adopt. I would also be very honest with yourself on what issues you really believe you can handle and know that it's okay to say "I can't handle this issue". And also know that the foster parents are going to be a great source of information for you so take the time to get to know them.

Enjoy your journey!
Crick

[willowhawk]

Jennifer..please feel free to send me an email....

[ncmtnmommy]

JenniferB - Of course you may email me. I'm in contact with willowhawk via email as well now. It feels great to have found this board and to have a really good network of support! We are in North Carolina. The agency/lady we are working with will take us through all the motions toward adoption, then will help us adopt a child/sibling group from the NC foster care system. I've already looked through the photolisting that NC has online and we are very interested in an African American sibling group we found on there. (Fingers crossed that they would be a match for us, but we know not to get our hopes up based on photos alone!) The reasons we want to go with adopting children in the foster care system without fostering, and not going through a different type of adoption are: We want to help a sibling group that might ulitmately be split apart if they do not find a family...they've already lost so much, I can't imagine losing one another as well. We provide nicely for the four children we have biologically, but we could not adopt more unless we were assisted in some way...the subsidies and Medicare these children come with will make adoption possible for us. On the same note, it will be a no-cost adoption. We want to adopt children that can be companions and friends to the children we already have. I know there are more reasons, but those are the highlights! I look forward to talking to you a lot more! My email is ncmtnmommy@yahoo.com. (P.S. My heart was under much strain my last pregnancy, very scary! I've had a hysterectomy since.)

Julianna and Lorraine, I would love to hear how things went for you with adopting via the Foster Care Photolistings. Like I said above, we are really smitten with this one particular family of children based on their photos and profiles int he photolisting, but we are being cautious, realizing they very well might not be a match for our family. Please share your experiences with us?!

Lucy, I'm not sure what our state laws say, but I know that we will benefit from everything we are about to go through. Not sure if I would change things and not go ahead and go through the process if we don't have to be licensed as foster parents first. I think that is something I will look into though, so thanks very much for bringing this up! (Side note: I just looked it up and it says we have to choose an agency, submit an application, then complete a home study. Not sure if this means we'd be licensed foster parents, but it does mean we could adopt! )

Crick - Thanks so much for your advice. We feel very strongly about being honest with ourselves about the issues we could handle. When reading the stories about so many wonderfully brave foster/adoption parents/families that take on and conquer numerous issues with their adoptive children (whether they be physical, mental or emotional), I feel like a real whimp! We do not want to take anything away from the four children we already have and that does limit us on some of the issues we can bring into our home. We ask ourselves all the time, "Is it possible to find a group of children that are *fairly well-behaved* and will not cause a major disruption in our household?!" This is one of the concerns we want to bring up as we move toward adoption. We know there will be an adjustment period and we don't expect perfection! We just know we will have to limit the issues that come with our adoptive children at this point in time. I hope that makes sense and I hope that doesn't make us bad adoptive parents! I also hope so much that won't kick us out of the running for adoptive children.

I've written a novel! haha I'm so happy to be meeting successful adoptive moms and look forward to drawing much from your wisdom and experience!

[JenniferB]

Thank you for your replies. It's been wonderful to find this message board. What a wealth of information and support. My husband and I don't want to limit ourselves by saying we are not open to certain ages, races, etc. but one thing I worry about is that we have not had any children of our own, so I'm pretty inexperienced. When you carry a child for 9 months, it seems you would slowly get prepared for what's ahead and that you would grow as your child did. There would be mommy classes, baby showers, etc. to help you prepare. With fostering and adopting, I don't feel equipped to suddenly take a child who is older than 2 or 3, yet it looks that would limit us greatly. Did anyone else have these concerns and do you know of anything that would help a "novice mommy" prepare for motherhood?
One of my very best friends just adopted for the second time through the foster system. She told me that a lot of my questions would be answered through the classes that we would attend through our local DHR. Did all of you experience that, also?

[Lorraine123]

One thing to keep in mind is that Photolistings reveal very little about the child/children. This was discussed in another thread (I forget what it was titled), but I mentioned that my daughter's listing said she was developmentally delayed and in a special classroom. That about all that was revealed. As it turned out she has Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mild Mental Retardation, severe trust issues, suffered extreme abuse and neglect, etc. We were told of these issues prior to accepting the placement and felt we could handle this, but just realize they aren't revealed in the listing.

You were advised by others to be aware of which issues you can deal with. It really helps to know that upfront, because its hard to determine at the time a child is presented to you. Its so easy to let your emotions take over at that point, so decide in advance.

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted and ask any questions you have. I have learned so much here.

[pinkdaisy44004]

I too am on the search of kids look under NorthWest adoptins.com (Alaska, Idaho, Oregon , Washington) together on one link.

[Peggy]

I adopted from my state without fostering.Well technically I was the fostermom, but it was a pre-adoptive placement. I adopted an 8 year old, and had not parented prior to that. If you want a baby that's great, but don't be put off by older children due to lack of experience. I had a lot of training. My friends have kids, I have nieces, and you can do some volunteer work to be around children. Best of luck