[Allieloopy]

Your feelings are valid. We don't really want to stop doing foster care. It was just that right before our adoption my mother died and we had false allegations and a really long term placement left in the space of 3 months. We needed a break to bond further with our daughter and recover from stress and grief.

True, we did go into foster care hoping to adopt. Since in my state most adoptions are to the foster parents it made sense to us. And we are going to do it again. And until we were lucky enough to meet our daughter we had the chance to love and help 10 kids. (She was #7.)

Foster care is not a cheap and easy way to "get around the system" But if you have love in your heart for an older kid and can accept that they are not a blank slate then it may be for you.
Once a kid passes through my door they are mine forever. My kids Bioparents are told this too, and that I am foster parent, not a replacement. My daughter has a biomother and an adoptive mother. I just happen to be the one that can keep her safe and take care of her.

Some hard core foster parents will never adopt their kids. That's great but that's not me. I want to adopt but am not turning kids away at the door if they need a home. The parents that do that don't last long as foster parents. My daughter was in two homes before she found us. One couldn't face losing her so they gave her up and the other couldn't take her to visitation.

I belive that Foster to Adopt is a valid choice, but it's not like window shopping for your child. You have to be committed to every kid that walks in your door and to work towards reunificaton.

Everyone has the right to choose what is right for them. If you want a healthy caucasian infant then work towards that. You should not feel guilty or pressured because you know your limits.

Paula

[Darwin67]

I don't necessarily agree that one is being fraudulent when going into Foster Care to adopt. Primarily because of our own experience, and the program we are adopting through.

We are "technically" foster parents, who are working with Lutheran Social Services Permanacy Planning Program. Concurrent planning is almost the norm today, what with all the laws and regulations with regards to re-unification. The permancy planning program is specifically designed for people who want and are willing to adopt, but who are also willing to take that HUGE risk of having the child returned to their biological family, or extended family. Its not for the faint of heart, and not for those who wish to strictly remain foster parents for the state. I see two completely different sets of goals, both of which are more than okay. The permancy planning program offers two social workers for each child; one that works with the bio parents, and one that works with the foster to adopt parents. I have seen more thoroughness with these Social Workers, and they far exceed the work performed by the state. All parties involved were treated with respect, and integrity. Re-unification was pushed to the very end, until it became painfully obvious that the bio parents just couldn't cope, nor provide a safe and secure home life.

As a fost-adopt parent, I stated from the get go what my aim was. To be there as a resource for a child in need of a parent, love, and a permanant home. No fraud there. I don't think I could ever turn a child away, but our home is only so big. However, we will keep our license current, and provide respite whenever possible, and upon entering a larger home may again be willing to go through the fost-adopt program again...even with the risks involved.

In all, state licensing requirements place my title as "foster parent". LCS sees me as a fost-adopt resource. My foster daughters, soon to legally be my daughters just see me as mom. No fraud in my love for these girls )

~~Karen