[kalynn]

I have just learned about a child that may be available to us. Foster/adopt a 3.5 year old boy. I have a 4.5 year old daughter, adopted directly from foster care at 1.5. She has been expecting a sibling, but we didn't expect a foster/adopt situation. The biggest hitch - one of us has to be at home during the foster period, which could be up to one year. Parental leave cannot be taken for fostering. We both work full time but differing hours so that child care outside the home is infrequent, but occasionally needed., however, the agency has said no childcare outside the home during fostering. Has anyone approached their employer about such a situation?

As well, what have others told the first child in this situation? I may be reluctant to say 'brother' from the start in case the adoption did not go through for some reason. What do you think about this difference in age? They would be in different grades in school.

Thanks, Kalynn.

[lucyjoy]

I've never heard of foster parents having to stay home. Usuaaly, that's only required in cases where the child needs special care.
Is this an agency or a state requirement? (Staying home is really good for bonding, though). Do either of you have a job that could be done at home or on shared time?

I would use the term brother. Relationships are hard to understand at this age. If he ends up not staying, you can explain the circumstances at the time. If he stays, think that change of terms would be harder to explain.

I see know problem with the ages. My brother is 11 months younger then me and my sister is 1.5 years older then me. It was kind of nice. I also have boys close to the same age. They have bonded to each other well.

[JuliannaTeresa]

In California, it is a state requirement that with children under 4 one Family Member has to be stay at home in Foster Care.

There are 2 ways to get around this though.

The first is do you have either Grandma/Grandpa, or the Baby's Aunt who could help with Child care during Fostering?

The second is you mentioned employer. If there is onsite Employer Sponsored Child Care technically since you are able to see the child a large part of the work day. Then this does not apply.

Good Luck!

[DianeS]

Is your employer required to follow the U.S.A.'s Family Medical Leave Act requirements? If so, then you can take unpaid leave for the placement of a foster child.

And I'd double-check what the agency means by "no" childcare outside the home. Does that mean you couldn't leave him with a neighbor while you and your spouse go out to dinner? That would be a terrible hardship.

Let us know what you decide!

[kalynn]

We are going on Monday to find out more about this little boy. We could use relatives for child care, but we don't have many of them!! We will see. If he is the right child for us we will figure something out. We are in Canada. Thanks for the responses, Kalynn.

[hockeycoachmomo]

You are right, Kalynn, get all the information and then if this little boy is to be your son, you will make it happen!

Michelle

[ohsweetg]

I am a foster parent in the state of CA and there is NO requirement saying that under 4 there has to be a stay at home parent. If that were the case...we'd be starving for foster parents. I don't know if you are going through a 'private' foster agency here in CA but we have been foster parents for 3 years. During that time we have many...all under the age of 4. In fact one of them (came at 2.5 years and left at 3.5 years) was in preschool the entire time.
The county even pays for the daycare.
Gwen

[vbandsf]

I'd second that - we're in CA and if we had been told one of us had to stay home, heck, that'd been it. Our kids are going into after school care (we wound up with older kids, although we'd said we'd take younger) in October when we both have to start back at work.

That seems awfully extreme to ask you to stay home and off work for that amount of time. We get a reimbursement for the kids, but it is NOTHING compared to our salaries.

[jolean12]

I just read the post and was wondering what had happened. Good luck and keep us posted.

[kalynn]

Hi, the little boy ended up placed with us on straight adoption, not foster to adopt. Amazing how things work out. We didn't know until the day we went to sign the papers whether we were going to foster/adopt or straight adopt. We still didn't know what we would do for childcare if he was foster to adopt, but we felt that he was meant to be ours so we were going ahead anyway. The court order for came through the morning before we signed! He has been here for a month, and has adjusted extremely well so far (including to preschool - which is allowed since he is straight adopt - go figure!). We were so right that he was meant to be ours!! Thanks for all the support and queries, Kalynn.

[lambeausam]

Congratulations to all of you!