[combsranch]

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN ON A ROLLER COASTER RIDE. WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO ADOPT FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS. HAVE JUST RECENTLY COMPLETED OUR HOME STUDY AND ARE APPROVED THROUGH THE LOCAL DHS TO ADOPT. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WHOLE PROCESS WE WERE PUT IN TOUCH WITH A YOUNG GIRL WHO IS PREGNANT. WE MET WITH HER THIS PAST WEEKEND, WE TALKED ABOUT THE REASONS SHE WAS GIVING UP THE BABY, AND THE REASONS WE WANTED THE BABY. EVERYTHING WAS FINE AND THEN SHE JUST HAPPENED TO RUN ACROSS THE FATHER OF THE BABY. SHE TOLD HIM THAT SHE HAD FOUND A HOME FOR THE BABY, HE ADAMANTLY REFUSED TO SIGN HIS RIGHTS AWAY, AND WANTSS HER TO RAISE THE BABY, HOWEVER, HE WAS PERFECTLY OK WITH HER GETTING AN ABORTION. I DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND. ANYWAY, WE ARE STILL PURSUING THE ADOPTION THROUGH THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA. WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT IF WE WOULD CONSIDER FOSTER/ADOPT THAT OUR CHANCES OF GETTING A BABY ARE GREATER. IS THERE ANY TRUTH TO THIS? MY HUSBAND HAD NEVER HAS THE CHANCE TO HAVE CHILDREN, AND I HAD TO HAVE AN EMERGENCY HYSTERECTOMY JUST AFTER THE BITH OF MY DAUGHTER. WE WOULD REALLY LIKE TO ADOPT A BABY, BUT WERE ARE NOT SURE THAT IF WE AGREE TO FOSTER AND THEN SOMETHING DOES NOT WORK OUT WITH THE BIRTHMOTHER OR FAMILY, HOW WOULD WE GIVE THE BABY BACK? WHAT A SCARY THING TO DO. WE ARE TOLD THAT OUR BEST BET IF WE DONT WANT TO HAVE THE BABY TAKEN AWAY IS TO ADOPT OUTRIGHT. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY EXPERIENCES WITH THIS? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE TO US? WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THE WAIT TO ADOPT A BABY COULD BE VERY EXTENSIVE. IM NOT SURE HOW LONG WE ARE PREPARED TO WAIT. IF ANYONE HAWS BEEN THROUGH THE FOSTER ADOPT, OR JUST THE ADOPT THROUGH THIER STATE DEPT OF HUMAN SERVICES WE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REPLY. ANY STORIES ANYONE HAS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. SINCERELY, WAITING IN OKLAHOMA.

[lucyjoy]

It is easier to get a baby if you do foster/adopt but, a lot of the babies are returned to their natural families. Unless you're willing to help a birth parent regain custody of her child while you're caring for their baby, I would advise against this option. There's a lot of heart ache involved.

[combsranch]

Thank you so much for reading and responding. I was afraid of that. Which is why we elected do do the adoption instead of foster/adopt. We should be receiving the satffings from this month and last month later this week. Have you adopted any children through DHS? If so was it a long process? Have you enjoyed the experience? We went through the PATH (Parents As Tender Healers) and the BCMT (Behavior Crisis Management Training) During those classes we were a little leary due to the vast expanse of things that has happened to these children. But, like all other children they deserve a chance at happiness, and Jason and I are ready (I hope) and willing to provide for and nurture and love the child or children that we adopt. I can hardly wait. I have been waiting to decorate the childs or childrens room until they actually get here. I thought it would be a fun thing for us to do together. I know there will be an adjustment period. Do you hace any experience with any of these things I mentioned? If you do I would love some input from someone that has walked down this road before. Any experience you wish to share with me is greatly apprecited. Again, Thank you for your response. Sincerely, Waiting family in Oklahoma

[lucyjoy]

I adopted five of my boys through the state. The study went pretty fast after the classes, but we waited a year for our first son(age 7 at the time). I learned to be very proactive in my searching. I took boys with severe behavior problems so we idn't start deorating rooms for quite a while(although they undecorated a few). When I take a child I always start out with very few items and build on as we get to know the child. It's a much better feeling to give then to have to constantly take away.
I have nine boys total between 6 and 20. All except two I would consider to now be pretty typical kids. Of the other two, one will be fine with some time and healing, the other is my biggest challenge.

As for working with the state, some of the workers are wonderful and there are those few.....

I would(and probably will a few years down the road)do this again.

[Lisa0512]

Hello,

I too have just been approved to adopt via CFSA. I know the feelings that you are having and all that I can say is that everything will work out for the best for you. I know that this may sound a little pollyannish but I truly believe that. The right child for you is out there and waiting for you.

[Lisa0512]

Hello,

I too have just been approved to adopt via CFSA. I know the feelings that you are having and all that I can say is that everything will work out for the best for you. I know tha

[cj416]

Did you ever get a placement. We too are in Oklahoma. We are starting to get discouraged. It has been 5 months since we began our journey. I know, I know for some people 5 months would have been easy, compared to years.. Still our worker told us she had a really good feeling about our family and that should could have a child for us sooner that most receive one. We are wanting a girl 0-6. We have not even been presented a single child.She has not even told us about any staffings. She only aked for a one pager to take to staffings. How do we know she is really even out there working for us???Those workers are so understaffed and over loaded with cases.

[datazmom]

Wehave been approved by the state of oklahoma for a dhs kinship foster / adoption. We are adopting our nieces . They are 2 sweet angels that came to live in our home almost 4 yrs ago when they were 3 and 4 . After 2 long years since the dhs said they planned to place them for adoption we are finally going to sign the papers to petition the court to let us adopt our angels. They have special needs that we have been meeting since day one. I can not believe it will soon be over and they will get some closure in this case for the girls sake . They were moved around so much before we got them and it took them awhile to learn and believe that we really did and do love them . Our attorney said after she files the petition tomorrow we will get a court date in about 30 to 45 days and that it depends on the court docket how quickly we get this finalized. I just want to tell everyone to have a little patients and most of the case workers are doing as much as they can , but it is all up to the courts to make the final decisions. I just wish DHS would tell us more and not just leave us out in limbo so much . They gave us one week to get all the family physicals and such done and mailed in and then did not tell us that we had to secure an attorney and such . Even though DHs pays for it all they should tell us the steps we need to take in advance so that we can get started on these things sooner. We had 3 days to secure an attorney and were happy for the adoption specialist referrals to do so , but were not aware that an attorney was needed .
So I guess what I am trying to say is ask alot of questions about the steps you will be needing to take and when to do so and that way you arent left in the dark as we were until that last moment.