[jethrinebodine]

My husband and I are trying to adopt our two foster boys. The problem is that they each have a set of grandparents that are wanting to adopt also. The caseworkers involved have stated that the grandparents are not suitable and that we are being recommended by them for adoption. We have heard that regardless of this, the grandparents stand a better chance of getting the boys. How can we fight this? I have looked for anything that states the legal rights of Kansas foster parents concerning adoptions, but cannot seem to locate anything. Can anyone shed some light on this?

[Just Julie]

I know nothing about legal rights especially in another state, but consider the possibility of adopting both boys and allowing their biograndparents to remain as one of their sets of grandparents. As parents, you would control the visits etc, and the kids yould have more adults to love them (not to mention more presents at birthdays and Christmas, etc. and what kid wouldn't want that!). This is assuming that the "unfitness" of these grandparents is based on something like age or poor health and not moral insuitability. Maybe your willingness to allow this would help the court rule in your favor. Just an idea. God bless.

[tman]

"foster parent legal rights" is unfortunately an oxymoron!!! At least in our state! I hope your state is better.
I know of cases where foster parents have had children for years but couldn't adopt because birth relatives were priority!I And of course, the birth relatives did not have to meet the normal standards or criteria for an adoptive family!
I also know of a foster family (caucasian) here that received a foster baby straight from the hospital ( 3 days old caucasian/aa). They had the little girl for 8 years and they were the only family this little girl had ever known. AT 8 years of age the little girls' parents' rights were terminated ( year was 1994). The foster parents asked the worker how they could start the adoption proceedings. the worker sid they couldn't because they needed to look for African American or biracial family! Never mind the foster parents had been the only parents she ever knew and never mind they had 2 adopted AA children. The foster mom contacted an advocacy group for help and the next day received a call from th eworker that the little girl had been picked up at school and moved to another foster home. The worker told the foster mom to put the liilte girls belongings on the porch and someone would pick the items up. They never even got to say goodbye and haven't heard a word since! WOW--- no one seemed to care about the child's best interest! They hope the little girl remembers their name and will search for them!

[DianeS]

Have the grandparents had to submit to a homestudy? In most states they would, I just don't know about your specifically.

If they did have a homestudy, and from what the caseworker said, there's a couple of possibilities.
First, they grandparents could have completely failed the homestudy. Current alcohol or drug abuse, history of felony convictions, unsafe living conditions, etc - all of those could end up with a complete fail on the homestudy, meaning the state would NOT place the children there, as an acceptable homestudy is required.
Or, the grandparents may fulfil the requirements to adopt but not be the *best* match for the kids (older grandparents with energetic kids, iffy forcast for their health, not a total understanding of the kids issues, that sort of thing) If that's the case, the choice between relatives who aren't the best match vs non-relatives who are a better match would be up to the judge.

The caseworker probably can't be more detailed than "not suitable" when talking about the grandparents with you. But she may be able to tell you who makes the final decision, and how that person has ruled in similar cases in the past.

I wish you luck!

[jethrinebodine]

Thanks to everyone that answered my post. The advice was great. We have decided to hire a lawyer and put it in his hands and in Gods. In the meantime, at least they are still with us.

Thanks!

[FOSTERMOMMY2002]

YOU ARE TOTALLY DOING THE RIGHT THING. WE ARE GOING THE SAME ROUTE. WE ARE TRYING TO ADOPT A LITTLE BOY WHO WE HAVE HAD FOR OVER A YEAR. THINGS LOOK PRETTY FAVORABLE. BUT, YOU JUST NEVER KNOW. SO WE HAVE DECIDED TO HIRE A LAWYER.

HOPE ALL GOES WELL. KEEP US POSTED

[jethrinebodine]

We go to court in the next two days on each of the kids...promising note...the lawyer of the youngest's mom approached us about a possible open adoption. Its not much, but its hope!

[jethrinebodine]

First off, it is not always suitable for a child to be placed with a family member, even if its what the family wants. That child is is foster care for a reason. You speak of morals. Exactly what are you implying here? That because we want to give a child a forever home we are without morals? I agree that there is no such thing as too much love in a childs life, but love in a kids life and a suitable place for the child to be brought up can be two different subjects altogether. In our case we are looking at grandparents that are in the upper 70's. And they want to take on the day to day care of a very active 1 year old? And what happens to the child when they get sick or worse? Yes, I know that getting sick or dying can happen to anyone, but at thier advance age they are more likely to experience this. Whats wrong with the grandparents being grandparents? Seeing the kid on weekends, family dinners, birthdays, holidays etc? As for any mention of an open adoption, that has nothing to do with the grandparents, that is in regards to the mother in question. My last question before I end this book I started, are you in foster care? Have you experienced seeing kids come into the system and left there while thier parents get a thousand chances to do the right thing, then only to have thier rights terminated anyways? Usually always after a child has passed into the hard to adopt age? THAT is tragic and not necessary.

[FOSTERMOMMY2002]

YOU SPEAK AS IF YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. SOPLEASE LET US KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. I FOR 1 WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW TO FIX THE SYSTEM AND MONITOR ALL ADOPTIONS SO THAT EVERYONE INVOLVED IS HAPPY AND SAFE AND WELL ADJUSTED. BUT, THAT SIMPLY IS NOT POSSIBLE. SO, WE HAVE TO TRUST THE COURT SYSTEMS TO DO IT.

UNLESS YOU ARE A FOSTERPERSNT, YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IS INVOLVED OR HOW HARD IT IS. WE FALL IN LOVE WITH THESE KIDS. WE TRULY WANT TO HELP THEM. THEN WHEN EVERYONE IS GOOD AND HAPPY AND SAFE AND COMFY IN THE SITUATION, BOOM!!!! THE CHILD IS REMOVED AND RETURNED TO PARENTS OR GRANDPARENTS. WHO EVER FITS THE BLL AT THAT POINT. IT IS HARD TO WATCH AND TOLIVE THROUGH. WE TRY TO PICK UP THE PIECES FOR OTHER FAMILIES DURING DIFFICULT TIMES. BUT, THEN WHEN THE CHILD LEAVES OUR HOMES, WHO PICKS UP THE PIECES FOR US.

[monroeman]

Hi,

We foster adopted in Utah. Foster parent rights are few to none when it comes right down to it. This seems to be pretty universal, but if there's a state out there that's different - Great! This is the thing I disliked most about the experience.

We, too, had a set of grandparents involved who felt that they should have their grandson placed with them. Grandma even felt that she had a better bond and commissioned a "bonding study" to prove it. It did not have the desired result and portrayed them negatively and us positively. In the end they withdrew their petition to adopt.

We have great compassion for our son's birth family, and did consider a situation where they would have ongoing contact. Unfortunately this wasn't possible due to several factors, but when it is emotionally healthy for the adopted child I think it should be strongly considered. It could work out to be a wonderful experience. Expectations and boundaries should be clear from the start.

Hope all works well for you. It sounds like our situtations are at least similar, and ours had a positive outcome.