[jamie3]

We started PRIDE classes last night through the state agency. The very first thing the instructor said was, "This class is for people wanting to foster, not parents wanting to adopt." She went on to explain that if we were looking to adopt that we might need to go to a private adoption agency.

We are wanting to adopt a school aged boy from foster care. I tried to explain this to her, but either I don't understand or she doesn't. I thought we could go through them and adopt once a match was made. What gives?

[Sylvester]

Hi, we are adopting our third child a teenage girl through the state. We WILL NEVER do it again. We are the parents of two young girls who were placed with us at three days old through privated agencies. We were hoping to adopt 2 more children through the state, mainly because it is cheaper. They also have been pushing foster care on us, and it is not something we are interested in. The old saying of you get what you pay for applies to this, we are going to pay off some bills and adopt our fourth child though a private agency in a couple of years.

[Shoshana]

"You get what you pay for?"

Surely I'm misinterpreting what you wrote. As an adoptee, I find the apparent meaning of this sentence terribly offensive. I guess I must not be worth much since I was free.

[Cleopatrick]

Please tell me I also misunderstood the your use of "you get what you pay for"! Does that mean my son is worth more because he was a private adoption and my girls were foster adoptions???? I truly hope that you did not mean that to be as offensive as it sounds!

[lucyjoy]

I think she was referring to the agency's services.

Did you go back to your state worker and tell her what the class instructor said? These are generally opinions by close minded workers that don't understand adoption.

[Judilyn]

Yes, I believe that it was also a misunderstanding with the person teaching pride classes. When we took our classes the person teaching them was just a foster parent (15 years of fostering) not a trained staff state employee.

Also, Again Jamie we are from Illinois so I am not sure about the difference beteen my state and yours. In Illinois you must go through the foster parent classes (PRide) to be eligable to have a waiting child placed wth you. You will have a foster license. It does not mean that you have to take children who need only temporary homes but you will be asked and all you have to do is say no. You see the way it works in my state is that once your a licensed foster parent your name is placed on a list saying how many beds you have open in your home. Anyone who is a licensed foster parent for that agency district has there name on that list. The list does not really give any more information than what is on it, how many openings you have, what is your preferred age group, etc. Every body who in an investigator or SW has the same list. It will not say that you are only in it for adoption but hopefuly after you talk to enough SW's and Investigators they will write it in next to your name. As a former foster parent I received many calls in the middle of the night by investigators who needed to remove children from abusive homes. They are just desperate to find a home for this child. when it's 3am and you are trying to console/comfort a cold, scared, hungry, tired, sick 18 month old/ 3 year old or 16 year old you take any chance at finding a set of arms to place them in. That is what I meant in other post that you have to stick to your guns about what will work for your family. It's not always easy. There was one time that I took an 19 month old, at 2am, after we agreed no more babies for our family, because my heart broke for this child. It all worked out for us and him in the long run.

Some children are considered an adoption risk, meaning that there is a good possibiliity that they may be cleared for adoption but that parental termination is pending. The choice will be yours if you want to take that risk.

Any way back to your state. HAve yu asked what addditonal classes you will need in addition to Pride? In Illinois you must also take adoption classes. They are not as long as the first set of classes we attended.

Also with soooo many children in the system needing loving homes, the Pride teacher should be careful not to discourage people. I do not believe this was her intention I believe it was a misunderstanding.

Judilyn

[dr. mom]

I think this poster was referring to the quality of the services when sghe said you get what you pay for.
In my state there are 2 sets of classes. One is for prospective foster parents and one is for prospective adoptive parents. You are required in our state to jhave a foster care license to adopt a state ward but you do not take foster parent training , you take adoption training. Does your atatehave anything like that? Call the adoption unit instead of foster care and finfd out!I adopted one child from the state and it was nerve wracking. They were slow, didn't return phone calls, etc. My experience with private agencies has been more positive!!!

[jamie3]

Ok, I feel better. I think it takes awhile to process everything that was said at the meeting. I will say that Sylvester is definately talking about paying for the services. We aren't paying for the children anyway....I think someone wrote a law about that sometime.

Anyway, I think that these classes are designed to make us think and even after one, we are thinking. Maybe adoption only isn't the best way. Who knows? I know we have a few months to get things straight in our minds.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to write back. Anyone else out there with thoughts on the subject?

Jamie
Texas

[kalynn]

Jamie, I wouldn't close any doors. You just don't know where your child is going to come from. For our first adoption, we registered with social services but also felt very discouraged. So, while being processed throughsocial services we also started an international adoption. Guess which one came through first??? Social services. Completely unexpected, but very welcome!! We approached social services a year ago about a subsequent adoption. After one year we have just had a little boy presented to us as a possibility - however, he is fostor/adopt. Again, we did not have this avenue in mind, but if on July 29 the committee decides to place him with us we will be elated!! So ... you just never know which direction things are going to take, and my advice is to keep as many doors open as possible. Good luck, Kalynn.