[FLNewbie]

Hi Everyone,

My husband and I have had our foster daughter for about 2 months now and all is going wonderfully. She has become attached to us and we simply love her. She has a concurrent case plan and we hope to adopt her should the opportunity arise.

Now for the bad news, I was informed today that her biological siblings' (that she has never met as she was not born or even conceived when they were removed, TPR'd and adopted) adoptive parents found out about her and are wanting a home study so that they can foster her. We are completely devastated and I hope you can shed some light on situations such as these. Do we as her current foster family have any rights? Is there anything we can do?

Our foster daughter has bonded with our biological daughter and considers her her sister/sibling and us her parents. Does this count for anything as removing her would virtually put her with strangers? I know there is a blood relation, but that is it, they have never had any connection at all. I read somewhere, that a sibling group by law is considered that when the children have been raised together or know each other. Is this true in FL? Does anyone know what the legal definition of sibling group is in FL? At present, none of the children know about each other and if they did we would be more than happy to have them know each other. Another strange thing is that this adoptive mother stated that she did not want the biological mother to know that our foster daughter is being placed with her if it comes to that. Any ideas why this may be?

I'm sorry this is so long, please advise. I'm hoping that our foster daughter's best interest will be put ahead of biological relationship, but am terrified that it will not.

Thanks so much,
FLNewbie

[lvmykidz]

I'm not sure you are going to like my answer=/ As foster parents, you have very little rights.
The time frame of 2 months isn't very long for you to have a leg to stand on.
We had our FD for 13mths - since she was 3 weeks old. We were so willing to adopt. Our bio children had bonded - baby had bonded with us. But then relatives came forward and now she is gone. It was heartbreaking.
The family didn't know she was in care---and I truly believe them.
It's been 2 months since she has been gone and our
hearts are healing. We are going to visit her this weekend with her new family (who are wonderful and allow us to be aunt and uncle).
I do believe that if at all possible, it is in child's best interest to be with their family. Siblings are a vital part to her best interest.
I can read your pain and anxiety over this situation. I know--I've been there. It's hard when we put our bio children through the emotional rollercoaster as well. But children are resiliant and you just need to keep reminding them that these children are here as long as they need us but there might be a time when they will have to leave. As sad as that is.
I wish your family the best. Hang in there - hope for the best but start preparing your heart for the worse.

[FLNewbie]

Thanks so much for the info. Today I received more info, and I've pretty much cried my heart at. Unless our FD's mom asks that she remain with us instead of the other family we will be loosing her. Worst thing is that the adoptive parents of the siblings have stated to the case manager that she is not going to tell the kids they are related. If our FD gets placed back with her mother, it appears that the adoptive parents of the siblings will not let them have contact as they do not want the bio mom knowing anything or being around them. So our FD will still not know she has siblings. The saddest thing is this mentality defeats the purpose of bringing siblings together. I understand that the adoptive mom wants to protect her kids and is hedging her bets that the bio mom will not get FD back, but if the mom does, than an injustice is being done, our FD's best interests will not be met and the move will be in vain. From the beginning we knew that our FD had adopted siblings, and were told that we were considered the best placement for her as she does not know them at all and than this happens. It's heartbreaking and at this point, I don't think we will be fostering again. Poor leg work was done on the part of the agency and there has been extensive erroneous information that we received. I give kudos to those of you who can do this over and over again and thank the heavens for you. For us, we will look at going the straight adoption route. Thanks again for the info and all you do.

[hkolln]

Sorry to say you don't have any rights only 2 months into placement. I would think this early in the case that they would decide to move her. It's good that they are looking into this now at 2 months then afer a year or two.

The important thing is this child needs some type of relationship with her siblings...either by staying with you and visiting or by moving to this other home. Are you open to having a relationship with the other siblings? If so, have you made that a possibility? Maybe you can reach out to the other home and form a relationship so if this child does move there you have the opportunity to continue your relationship after the transition.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by FLNewbie

It's heartbreaking and at this point, I don't think we will be fostering again.

Unfortunately this is what fostering entails. You have understand the kids are not legally free until TPR and there is always the possibility of relatives coming up for placement or siblings being moved together. That is what fostering is. You give you heart to them as your own for as long as possible..sometimes it's forever, sometimes it's not. If you can't handle that part of fostering then maybe you should think about taking a break or switching to adopting instead (kids legally free).

[rogert30066]

Hi FLNewbie,

I'm sorry to hear of your dilemma. That happened to us a couple of times, and it stings, no doubt. We found that the best way to handle that sort of thing was to decide that you're doing it for the best interests of the child and hope that this is what's happening. It really sucks when you think that someone is meant to be with you. Truthfully however, our experience was that it didn't happen much... out of 50-odd kids that we fostered, 8 of them stayed permanently, and of the other 40, most went somewhere else for perfectly acceptable reasons, and only a couple hurt.

Keep your chin up. Have a look at our story when you get a chance... it might cheer you up.

:-)

Roger
The Adoption Thing

[FLNewbie]

Thanks to all of you for your support and information. I did understand what fostering was when this all began and thought I could do it, as I am a teacher who loves her kids but has to release them each year. I was prepared to give our FD back to her mom etc. as we knew that was likely to happen but the problem and dashed hopes occurred because the agency was not forthcoming with information and did a terrible job. They told us from the beginning that our FD had adopted siblings and that they weren't going to place her there because she didn't know them and she was doing very well with us. Due to this, we never considered that she would be pulled unless she was returned to the mom or a family member that the mother wanted her placed with. This came out of the blue and as a total surprise and is completely opposite from what they told us at the beginning and that's where the frustration comes from. If this is how it was wit our first FD, how could it be any better if we get another child? The agency doesn't have it together and this is the only one that is available in the county.