[dlbermes]

Yesterday I found my birth family. I talked to a strange woman that is now my sister. I am 57. Not a young fellow. I found out mom is gone. I thought I would be estatic. I was at first, I didn't sleep last night, I cried, I have not cried since childhood. I know I should have expected the worst but I always dreamed and believed she would be out there. I have never felt any worse than this. I did not expect this level of grief. I spent several minutes chatting with a woman that is now my little sister. I want to rejoice in the fact I have 10 siblings that I never knew of but they are not the one I was looking for. It is over. I failed. My mother never told anyone that I existed. They would never have looked at any of these many message boards and registries I am on. I guess she was ashamed. She kept so many. I was the only one left out. I imagine there was a good reason. But all my life all there has ever been was imagination, never fact. I will never know the truth. I am writing this here because I don't know anyone to whom I could express these feelings I just have to put this down somewhere and since I have checked this page everyday for so long it seemed natural. best to all dave b

[SoniaRose]

I am so sorry that you found your bmom only to learn that she has passed. Please don't think that you failed. You have found your siblings, and hopefully they will accept you as a member of their family. It would be comforting if they could provide some pictures or home movies of your bmom and tell you about her (her personality as well as her medical information).

I found out at the age of 54 that my bmom had passed more than 40 years prior. She had two older children who knew of me but did not want to look for me. They were not thrilled when I found them (they hated my bfather), but my half-sis did tell me a lot of things about her/my mom, and eventually she did send me a picture. I have a better understanding of who I am. It does hurt, though, that I never was able to meet her, but I have to believe that she is with me in spirit.

It's good to cry -- I have cried a lot too. The fact that I was adopted never upset me as much as when I finally learned the story of my birth parents -- it was all so sad. I now think about my bmom everyday; she is a big part of me, and she's the reason, of course, that I am here.

I'm sure it must have been difficult for your bmom to keep her secret all these years. As you know from reading these forums, bmoms do not forget the children they relinquish.

Hopefully you can establish some kind of relationship with your siblings and learn more about your bmom. In that respect, it is not true that "it is over". You have not failed -- you have found your family! Best of wishes to you. Hugs.

[Dickons]

I am so very sorry for your loss. My birth mother had also passed away before I found her, it hurts so much, to know you will never get to talk to her, get to know her...it hurts to have your hopes gone.

You do have siblings...siblings to get to know. If they are willing you have a family. Don't allow your grief to stop you from knowing them, that would be a tragic as well.

Talking is good and you will find many on this board that have been where you are now.

Take care,
Dickons