[GA Songbird]

I am a female in search of my birthmother who was 19 when I was born. She stayed at the Florence Crittenton Home in Savannah GA in 1967 before my birth at Memorial Hospital on July, 2 1967. She was 5"6 tall, and weighed 154 lbs. She had reddish-brown hair, green eyes and a medium complexion. After high school, she worked as a clerk at a dry cleaners. Her family moved shortly after my birthmother finished high school and she had to quit her job. After settling in her new community, she began a beautician's course. She hoped to continue these classes after I was born. She enjoyed singing, playing guitar, sewing, cooking and embroidering. She also enjoyed writing poetry. My birthmother had a close relationship with her mother. She stated that her and her father didn't get along very well and that he had a violent temper. My birthmother was Protestant, but didn't attend church regularly. She was of Spanish, French and Yugoslavian descent.
My birthmother's mother was 43 yrs. when I was born. She was 5"4 tall, and weighed 146 lbs. She had brown hair, green eyes, and a medium complexion. She worked in a family business with six other siblings. Her eldest brother was the president of the company in 1967. She enjoyed cooking and playing the accordian. She was Protestant and wore reading glasses.
My birthmother's father was born in 1921. He was 5"9 tall and weighed 200 lbs. He had brown hair, green eyes, and a medium complexion. He completed two years of high school, and had special training in mechanics. He worked as a sewing machine repairman and salesman. He was Baptist. He enjoyed baseball, fishing, and boating. He wore glasses.
My birthmother had two little brothers ages 14 and 10, when I was born.
I have personal info. about all of my birthmother's extended family. I haven't released everything I know about them because I wouldn't want anyone to contact them with the info. that only I would know and claim that they were me. If you are able to find me, I certainly would want it to be myself that you would find and not someone saying that they were me.
No false claims of identity...........we will compare notes and find out if I am the one you believe me to be.
If your family is still in business, note now, in the public eye, that I want nothing from you but to know you.
I have lived my life in such a manner that the only things I hunger for in my life are the things that REALLY matter............the things you cannot buy with money............ like love, peace and family. It saddened me to know that your family might continue to be involved in a lucrative business...........I wouldn't want the money or power behind it to keep you from finding me. Then again, the fact that they were in business at one time made me very happy because then you would've been in the public eye somewhat and that might make it easier to find you. I have mixed emotions all the way around. I just want to tell you that I was raised in an ordinary, upper middle-class family. We had opportunities, we had nice things.........and what we had was always good enough!!! That was my family. There is even a millionaire in my a-momma's family but he wears over-alls..........that's pretty telling about my adoptive family. That's pretty telling about how I feel about money, too. It isn't what you have that makes you who you are.........not even to me. I never had to do without nice things so maybe I just can't relate to that kind of hunger. I want to know you. I don't care if you ever achieved "greatness", I don't care if you greet me in sack-cloth and ashes, I don't care what your family may or may not have today..........it would complete the picture of my life just to KNOW YOU.
The other insecurities I mentioned should never stop that from happening.
I mentioned that your mother's kin had a family business for no other reason than for being yet another tool to help me search. I withheld the info. of the kind of business to keep from airing any of your family business in the forums. Unless someone knows you real well, I'd say I may have established some contact, while still retaining some measure of privacy for your family. If I didn't, I'm sorry, I did try to find you without stepping on any toes.
If I sound like your birthdaughter or a relation of her family, please pass along the info. that Victoria Lynn is ready.........at the age of 38, I am ready now to know her but I had to be ready in my heart to do so. Somehow, I felt like I couldn't have achieved this before. I had some issues in my mind - Should I search? Will it hurt my a-momma if I search? What if I am rejected, can I handle it? Will my life unravel?
ANYWAY, I want you to know that I HAVE considered the best and worse case scenarios. This forum is designed to help us all do that when it concerns adoption. I journal, read posts, and ponder my feelings about you. This forum is a place for preparedness. You can enter anonymously, sort your own feelings and even communicate with me..........I wouldn't have to know you right away. I'm not saying, "hey, let's jump right into this idea without even giving it some thought"! There SHOULD be comfort when thinking upon such life-moving issues.
My plan is set. My a-momma is for my search. She understands that it's not about a missing mother. I have a Momma. I also had a mother who carried me around for nine months. I don't know her.......I just know that throughout my life, I have always found peace in the sound of an acoustic guitar.............you played your guitar and sang for me when I was in your womb, didn't you? I don't know it for sure but I would guess, from the things that stir my heart, that you did. I have children of my own now.........I understand the reasons for my adoption. I recognize that both of my mothers played a very distinct role in my life - not only who I am but where I came from - I can't help but to want to thank you for giving me life and for giving me a two-parent home. The decisions you made at 19 secured my upbringing. I have been very blessed............but I do wonder. I always wonder if you've ever thought of me. Even if I was a bad memory, I'm still a person. I still require the kind of things that all of us human beings require to "ground us" to who we are..........no one wants to feel like they're flapping around in space. I want all of my identity. I want to look in the mirror, with a smile, and say, "she named you Victoria Lynn because"........"you sing like a beautiful songbird but you inherited the rich, warm, tones from"........or "did you know your great-great-granddaddy once did this"...........
It's about being grounded.
I want what YOU want from this.......
and if what I want is not what you want, then at least we can consider this closure. I will pick up the pieces and then when I search my reflection, it will be the face of my faith, which always sustains me, looking back. Even if I have no one on earth to call my biological family, I will always belong to the family of God.
Mmmmmmmmm, now there's a lesson.

Come what may, I'm here until I hear from you. For nine months, you were my mother. Thank you for life. I do have a personality disorder - sometimes the tears take over - but fortunately, I understand it, can even undermine it by what I teach myself to believe. After reading my info. I realized that quirks might have been a given........especially if there was as much creativity and brilliance in my family as there seemed to be. My mood disorder can be a genetic or a learned behavior...........I can't discount being taught to be "reactive" by a sibling I didn't get along with well. I have issues about this illness but only about how I might teach my children to stop and ask themselves, "is this really what I heard or only what I thought I heard"? They are very much like me. As their mother, if they do have any mood disorder, it is my job to make sure that they learn to undermine the miscommunications. I have a hard time "following" the studies of mental health issues because EVERYONE could be classified as having some quirk. The therapy is only necessary to change how you look at a situation or how you process your feelings. Having good mental health is good. Freaking out or seeing yourself as less than perfect because of any illness is never good. So yes, I can understand that I have a disorder but I also understand that many could be classified with the same quirk. I'm intelligent, moody and sensitive - either a learned or genetic quirk of my personality - so please don't believe I hold anyone responsible.........that's just ridiculous!!!!! I'm also messed up about my previous divorce and the current circumstance of my children. I thought you should know this because although I do have a few weighty matters on my mind to ponder (like how I feel about my divorce from my kids' dad and how to make a functional life with my new husband) even though these issues are very much on my heart, they have nothing to do with my adoption. I have felt the need to be more grounded, to "find myself" when the life I had was destroyed by the divorce. I guess it was what sent me to search for my roots. It was a life-shattering experience. When I began to pick up the pieces of my broken life, this was a noticable piece missing............so I started my search.
I don't know if this was a time in your life that you needed some answers..........but this was my reason. My a-momma hasn't been west to see me since the divorce. This is probably a good thing...........I don't know what she might say or do if she ever lays eyes on my ex again. I know that it wouldn't be pretty. She was outraged over the whole thing and has nothing but contempt over the heartless way he dealt with me, which was deceitfully - (big no-no to my Momma - we are very honest, straightforward, people.) He did something ugly. I remain torn: My christian nature reminds me that all of us are far from being perfect, so I should forgive. My humanity rails against his injustice for being so unkind to me. I'm very spiritual, sensitive and compassionate. I do try to imagine what it feels like to walk in someone else's shoes. Very seldom do people share the same perceptions about something. I may be completely misguided in my perceptions of you. I tried not to believe that I was someone you didn't want but only someone you couldn't keep. What makes it hard is when you only have your own belief to get you there............it would help my mind to know the answers. I can process negative info. eventually...........but a lack of info. leaves one searching for identity.
It is my hope that you would want to know me. I understand the circumstances. I honestly don't want to make contact with you until you're ready. I respect your decision to place me for adoption. It may have hurt, even cost you mental anguish or your own peace of mind...........I don't really know...........I do respect the seriousness of the matter, though and I am waiting to hear from you.
I so want to tell you about my life and to hear how yours turned out. If you could never see me as a daughter, maybe then, a friend? I pray that the day will come when I can hug you.........and to say thank-you. I have a part of you in me. It isn't fully known yet but I pray someday it will be. I have ALWAYS yearned to know you........you've been the part of me that was missing!!!!! I was afraid of hurting my a-momma or shirking God's generous blessings. I have found peace in my mind on both matters. My a-momma wanted me to have peace and she does understand that this is a search for the missing pieces of my life. Our relationship, our memories, they remain the same. The past doesn't have to be undone to make the present tolerable. These are my missing pieces..........fortunately, she understands. We have the go-ahead on this end. I wait patiently, now, to see if I am ever blessed to know you as a person.