[nickychaz]

My birthmom stayed in the FC home in St. Petersburg, Florida in March of 1968. I am curious and would like to find out what her stay was like. Are there any birht mothers out there who stayed in a FC home and would be willing to share her story ? I have so many questions. Did you use real names ? Were you treated well ? Were you normally from the area that the home was located in ? I would love to hear from anyone with insight.

[naynay36532]

I am a birth mother who stayed at the florence crittendon home in mobile alabama. I personally used my real name and most of the girls/women there did also. The home was more like a big dormitory with 2 women per room. We all shared a shower area and recreation area. The hardest part was the lack of recreation, we seldom if ever went out unless a family member came to get us. The staff where I was were wonderful. They didnt belittle us and some genuinely cared about the women there. They were strict and very private but they had to be to protect the women there. I had been to another private facility in the earlier stages of my pregnancy and lets just say that it was like a prison, so the FCH was a life saver for me. They taught us how to take care of ourselves and they provided us with spiritual help if we wanted it. Most of the girls in the home I was in were from the surrounding counties, not many that lived locally though, I originally lived less than 30 miles from the center. Given the circumstances I was in it was a good experience for me, the support I was given was what I needed. They never pressured me and the let me make my own decision in the end about the adoption, see their primary goal is to house these women for other agencies that provide the adoption services, they just help you to get through those 9 months safely and with much needed counceling. Most of the girls that were in there with me were under the age of 17 and needed motherly figures, which they were provided with. I dont imagine all the centers are the same but in all this one was good and helped me to make the right decision in the end.

[crayons]

Hi Nicky, I was in the FCH in Charlotte, NC January 73. We were treated the same as naynay but were told to use the first letter of our last names. I have searched a little to see if I could find some of the friends I made while i was there. My mother would write me real hateful letters telling me how bad I was and the ladies would get the letters and I do believe they called her, they really looked after us. These people were the only people that treated me like I at least was someone they cared about, that really made a big difference in getting me through the last few months, my family treated me like I was trash, a nobody.

[nickychaz]

Thank you for sharing your stories. My birthmom gave birth in St. Petersburg and my non-id specifically mentions Clearwater (which is 15-20 minutes away) Do you think that it is possible that she would have been sent to St. Petersburg or do you think that she would have been sent farther away on purpose ? I really appreciate any insight you can give. Thanks again.

[naynay36532]

Hello again Nicky, it is according to how her family felt about her pregnancy as to where she may have been placed, some of the women I was with in the FCH were there from as far away as 200 miles or so, I was less than 30 from my hometown because although my family was not happy or much help in my situation they didnt want me to be so far away that they could not visit. It is a sad fact but many of the women are shunned by their families because of the circumstances and therefor the further away they are the better for the family, out of sight out of mind sortof. Anyway, I do hope that you find your mother. Dont give up as rather you believe it or not right now this was the hardest decision she has ever had to make and it was made out of love and caring for you. She wanted more for you than she could give probably and adoption was her best choice. If you would ever like to talk more contact me @ Naynay36532@aol.com. I have only now started searching for my son as he is now of age, and I hope that he is looking for me also. Good luck, and keep an open mind and heart.

[pegrit]

I was In the FC Home In Williamsport, Pa for 6 months In 1973.
It was a good experience, - If I had to recomend a home for someone, I would recomend the FCH.
As far as I know, everyone used thier real names...I did.
They, meaning the Staff were very nice - I learned how to do a lot of things that I didn't know how to do while there. We took turns helping the cook prepare our dinners, exc. - and we all had daily chores to do. They made sure we saw the Doctor, excersized, and did everything a pregnant girl should do to ensure having a healthy baby.
There was no pressure on us as far as deciding what to do once we had our baby, my pressure was from my parents.
30 years later for me.......I wish I could do It all over again.

[mn125]

Nicky
heres an article about Flo Crit home- Washington, DC- 1960's

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/8...CHarticle.html

[sammees]

Hi I was in the FCH in August 1966.It was a depressing place, clean but I felt isolated.They treated us with kindness but then they had a job to do.Take our children so it was worth them to be somewhat nice.I hope you find whoever you are looking for.Feel free to contact me anytime.Suzanne
This was in Trenton,NJ

[naynay36532]

I am sorry that your stay was so bad, I guess that the times had changed and it was a more friendly enviroment when I was in one of the homes. I think that at the time you were in one it was more taboo to be an unwed mother, not that it was openly accepted even in 1985 but the home seemed to be more geared to helping the pregnant women to learn how to take care of themselves and if they chose to keep their babies them also. It was isolating then also in the fact that we were not allowed to be in the public eye as a group, as to not attract attention to ourselves, but they did try to help make what seemed like an impossible situation possible. I dont think anyone, anywhere in that position is all together happy with where they are facility wise or personally, but it was nice to know that there was a place that would help, some women dont feel like they have that option and therefore choose to abort or abandon the child. I am not a pro-lifer or anything like that I am just grateful that there was somewhere for me to go. I think that the years have taught everyone that this is a problem that needs to be addressed in a different way and hopefully a better way.

[moongazer39]

Hi. I am a birthmother who is 39 years old, in search of my son, who was born 10-16-1982. I was 18 when I had him, was kicked out of my mother's house when I was pregnant because "she couldn't deal with me" and sent me to live in Florence Crittenton home in Erie, PA, the town in which I lived. I was white and from an influencial family high in education and attended a private parachial high school about to graduate when I found out I was pregnant.

FC was an awful place, as I remember it. I stayed in a dorm room with 3 other girls, each room had 4 or more girls in it. One roommate was a 14 yr. old juvy runaway who was a keptomaniac and kept stealing from me. Another pushed me down the stairs and tried to "kill my baby," she said. There were white women pregnant by black men hiding out there, as well as teens sent there by their parents, like me.

I was a good kid, straight A student and all. My mom was going through a divorce when I got pregnant, was very selfish and in the public eye, and sent me to live there as punishment.

It was like "Annie", I joke, singing, "It's a Hard Knock Life" was my everyday song. We had chores to do, like mopping with those big, old fashioned rag mops, pushing and pulling things, washing laundry, setting tables, doing dishes, scrubbing filthy pots and pans, among other chores. We basically had to "earn" the right to go outside with family or friends.

We more or less were like prisoners there. I don't understand why we were treated like criminals, we came on our own accord, most of us, ---well, I thought. Girls wanted to fight me, and I am not the fighting type, but I had to learn to stick up for myself to earn respect.

I got weekly counselling and saw the father of the baby. He even took me out a couple of times. Big deal. When I went into labor, I had to go to the hospital in a filthy, stinking cab! People still smoked then, and used to smoke in the building with all of us pregnant there! I hated that.

For the most part, I was there 3 months, maybe more. I hated every minute of it and it was humiliating. I can't believe my family or friends didn't try to help me out---I was just thrown out in the street with my unborn child! Nowadays, they practically beg you to be pregnant when you apply for college loans because you GET so much from the government if you are a single parent, including a free car, daycare, food, housing and education! Where were those programs when I needed them?

Instead, 20 years later, I finally finished my nursing degree and am in debt up to my ears and have a work related injury now and have messed up my back.

All I want is to know my son. My mother just died three weeks ago and she being the culprit of all this sadness and anger---well, I had to forgive her. But I will never forget. I have never been able to have any other children.

I know this hasn't been a pleasant story, but it it the truth. And it wasn't that long ago. But see how backwards my hometown of Erie, PA is? And try to work with CAtholic Charities there! HUH!

PA law stinks as far as adoption reform.

Hopelessly,

Janine M. Lay, RN

jlay@tampabay.rr.com if you want to write

[naynay36532]

I am sorry that your stay was like it was. I am not trying to make the FCH stay sound like some vacation get away, it wasnt. But considering the alternatives at the time it was better. Not all centers are the same obviously as can be seen by the replies but to those of us who had to be there it was a roof over our heads and meals. You did have an array of people and different circumstances for each person but each was there because they had no where else to go, either family or society had decided that they were not wanted around because of their situation. The truth is that no one was in there for the luxury of being treated good or fairly. they were there because they had been told that it was a bad thing to be a single woman and be pregnant so they were sent off to hide in a place that did provide shelter. Many women who didnt seek this type of place either ended up on the streets and pregnant or having abortions just because they had no other choice. Lets face it we were all cast out by family and friends for our " irresponsible decisions" we were considered wrong for not being married and having sex and then being dumb enough to get pregnant on top of that, society has sadly come to accept the fact that this happens and it is now common place to see a young pregnant girl at school or walking around town, it was sometimes a hopeless situation with no right or wrong answers. We did the best we could under the circumstances and today we are grown women who have survived our past and am trying to reconnect with it by finding our lost children. The whole situation was hard for me so the living situation at the FCH was a piece of cake to me compared to the final decision.

[moongazer39]

I understand your point of view and I am glad that place was there for you, too. I am at a point in my life, just having lost my mother to cancer at age 61, that all of "pandora's box" has been opened of all the unresolved issues in my life.

I am trying to forgive myself for not fighting harder to KEEP MY SON or to run. Because I gave in so easily to what ever anybody wanted me to do, I have lost him, possibly forever.

Plus, I have never been able to have another child, which sheds a much different light, I think, then women who have been able to conceive and have other children. This is not to say that replacements were made for the given up baby, but it hurts soooooo much more to me that I could never have the miracle of God's blessing and creating another child in my womb---ever. THE ONLY CHILD I COULD EVER HAVE I GAVE AWAY.

My family was never supportive---including my two brothers. I am dealing with that now. We are fighting as their guilt surfaces as well. FC was just one large part of all the pain I am now reliving.

Please do not take anything I've said personally. I only wish you the best in that you find your missing daughter or son.

I was just honestly answering your quest for stories of FC. That IS what you asked for, right?

Good luck and God Bless,

Janine M. Lay, RN

[andromeda]

I spent 6 months in Flo Crit, Kansas City in 1962-63. It was not horrible, but seemed as though we lived in a parallel universe. We could see the world around us but were not really part of it for the time we were in a maternity home. I used my middle name there, no last name. Most of the girls had no problem using their name and I remember many last names and where they were from. My mother was paranoid that one of the girls would try to find me later and blackmail me if they knew my full name. I don't think anyone knew it but me. My mother brought my mail to me with my name blacked out.

We were allowed alot of freedom there to come and go. As long as we had our jobs done and signed out, we could leave. They preferred us to go in pairs, but I spent many hours walking around KC by myself. I was from a small Iowa town and this was my first experience with a big city. I don't know how safe it really was for a 16 year old pregnant girl to be walking around alone, but I did it. We all worked at the home doing jobs, laundry, kitchen, nursery, making formula. I worked in the nursery more than 3 months taking care of 5 or 6 babies every day at 8, noon, 4pm, 8pm giving baths, changing beds and propping bottles on a diaper while I went to the next baby. We didn't have time to play with them or even pay much attention to them. We were just taking care of their basic needs. There were some beautiful babies in that nursery. I remember many of them after 40 years.

I went to a school room in the basement. It was one room with all grades of high school. About 15 years ago, I located the teacher and went to see her again. She was very pleased that I did.

I found the Home to be adequate but we were very loosely supervised there. There was no live in staff, only the one nurse on the 3-11 and 11-7 shifts after the office people went home. We didn't cause much trouble, managed our selves, went to bed at 10, got up at 6:30. For a bunch of 14-22 year old girls, we were remarkably self-sufficient and mature. And we were judged unable to raise children.

Adoption was never an option there, it was the only thing. Only one girl walked out with her baby, a young minister's daughter. Of all people to fight the system, Judy did. The Home's director told us a few weeks later that Judy's baby 'died'. I really believed it until about 15 years ago when I realized they probably told us that in case any of the rest of us thought about keeping our own baby!!

The director held chapel daily Monday through Friday and the unrelenting theme was 'give up your baby and get on with your life'. I played the piano for chapel and was careful to stay out of the director's way. She scared me because she was an imposing, overpowering person.

We girls talked alot about the babies, the fathers and the names we would give the babies. Names were important because it was something we could do for them. The names would be changed, of course, but we gave the babies special names that we thought were wonderful.

We delivered at a room in the Home. They put us totally out for the birth, said they didn't want us remembering it. We were allowed to hold and feed our babies once before signing the papers. Papers were never signed until we left the 'hospital' section of the Home, which was usually 5 days. We could stay 'free' for up to 15 days after birth but most left as soon as they could. Once you had delivered, you were different from the rest of the girls and it was time to move on.

One thing I recently mentioned to a friend is that we always referred to regular clothes as 'people clothes', since we were wearing maternity clothes. Thinking back on it, it says that we didn't feel like people in a maternity home in maternity clothes. Wearing 'people clothes' again was a big goal.

It was much like a girl's school with all of us being pregnant. But it wasn't a good thing to be there. It was being afraid of being recognized when you went out if you were from the area. It was being different from most 16 year old girls. It was being isolated from what was going on in the world, school, boyfriends, that sort of thing. Some girls had boyfriends who visited. Staff didn't like that much. Flo Crit was a time warp for me. I sometimes wonder if it really happened because it seems so unreal and I have no one who was there with me to verify that I was really there. It was never talked about after I left. Only a few people knew I'd been there in the first place. So there was a 6 month period of my life that was blank, as if I'd been in a coma. It was a 6 month period that I have only recently started talking about. And I have so many memories of that place, that time and my friends today who know about my son and my maternity home stay are still reluctant to ask me about it. Out of respect, mostly, they don't want to embarrass me. But they are quite curious about what it was like in a maternity home. And I willingly tell them all I can remember.

There was one baby born before I came to the home. His name was Randy and he was born with heart defects. Normally, the nurses did not allow us to hold or play with babies but Randy was nearly 3 months old and they let us hold him to keep him crying and putting a strain on his heart. I spent the first few months holding Randy in my free time. He went off for surgery and came back with a huge scar on his chest. He cried alot and I suppose he was in pain or maybe it was because he had no home or mother to comfort him. He went for surgery again in January 1963 and died on January 10. He was just 7 months old and he'd lived his whole life in a maternity home nursery. I have always wondered if his birth family took him and buried him or whether the state of Missouri did. After all, his mother signed adoption papers like the rest of us and Randy belonged to the State until he died. How sad! I will never forget Randy.

When I got out at my first day I went to school - a new school for me - the first person I saw in my first class of the day was a girl from Flo Crit who delivered a week or so before me. She acted as if she'd never seen me before and passed me note welcoming me to the new school. It was very weird.

That's a synopsis of my Florence Crittenton experience. It changed me forever. I left my heart, soul, innocence and baby at Florence Crittenton. I'm not certain I ever got any of them back even though I found my son 24 years later.

Lynn

[SISNLAW]

Lynn i also am in missouri and i am trying to help my mother n law find her daughter that she gave up in the florence crittenton home in 1971 she also said that the home was awful to her but let me ask this how did u find your son in missouri when all of the records are sealed please let me know email me at t.scammahorn@att.net please

[andromeda]

Hello Sisinlaw,

I tried to email you privately but I'm not certain it went through. I am changing email addresses and that may be the problem. I can be reached at bak2basik@aol.com or bak2basik46@yahoo.com. Let me know if I can do anything.

Lynn