[katupatree]

When our first child arrived in our household almost three months earlier than planned we had no other choice but to get out the formula and bottle feed. Now with another arrival on the way my husband and myself are confused regarding the best method to feed a baby - breast or bottle? Some of our friends and family tell us that breast feeding, among many other benefits, strengthens a bond between mother and child. Is this true? Am I cheating my child of a happier and more balanced life if I choose to bottle feed? Our main priority is of course our childs health and well being, however, the idea of bottle feeding, perhaps in my mind from previous experience, seems so much easier and more flexible than breast feeding.

[live2bhappy2003]

Hi, we adopted our baby within 24 hours after delivery, and we knew in advance by a month, of the pending delivery so I had time to try to get things working with the breastfeeding, and unless you're REALLY committed do doing this, I wouldn't recommend it. LaLeche league is wonderful to discuss these issues, do a search for them and they have a lot of information for you. Also, talk to your doctor or call an OB/GYN to see if you can get some information. ABC adoption website also has information.

I really wanted to nurse my baby, and even the birthmother advocated it! However, starting at about 6 weeks in advance by pumping your breasts, and the other things you can do, can be very time consuming and difficult, especially if you work.

In retrospect, I have regrets for not really putting 100% into this process. I think it would have been a wonderful bonding experience as you've suggested. I have two biological children who are full grown now, and I nursed them and it was really wonderful, and I'm so glad I did. With an adopted child, I think it is even more important in estabishing that bond, but I feel the formulas out there now provide ample nutrition for the baby, and you can bond by holding the baby in the same way as you would if you were nursing. My baby is 6 months old and I still hold her very close as if I was nursing.

One other thing and this may sound bizarre, is that I did initially try nursing when the baby first came home with us, but it turned out she did use me as her pacifier instead, even though I didn't produce milk. However, within a week, she quickly rejected me and chose where the milk REALLY was coming from, the bottle!

Anyway, there is a lot of great information out there, just look, it's quite popular these days, and I would try if you can!

[Michelle 053002]

I feel it is a personal choice. I had 12 hours notice before bringing my daughter home. She was 1 1/2 weeks old when I started nursing. I love it, I am a stay at home mom, so it doesn't inconveince me at all. I use a supplemental nursing system because I am only able to process about half the milk she needs. I would suggest you do what feels right to you and your husband.
Good luck, Michelle

[bmomtoSarah]

I was determined to breast feed my daughter. After giving a child up to an adoptive family, I was going to EVERYTHING right. What I didn't count on is my daughter was 8lbs 10oz. (the size of most 3 month olds) and I had an iverted nipple, which made nursing painful and my nipples cracked and bled, it was a nightmare, so after 8 days we went to the bottle. I was devastated. I felt like a failure. My daughter is a very healthy and happy 7 year old now and in the long run, I don't feel that it made a differnce. I did however, successfully nurse my 2nd child until he was 6 months old. I am no more bonded to him than I am to my daughter. I think that as long as you hold your baby while you feed and don't 'prop' the bottle you will be fine. As a parent we just need to make sure they have proper nutrition, formula will provide that, as does breast-milk.

[mamasaid]

breast milk is a 100x better than formula...and babies who are breastfed don't have that nasty formula sour stench from burping up the unnatural additives/preservatives that their tummies cannot take. Sure, it may be time consuming and breastfed babies eat more often...but being a parent is time-consuming...and the bond of breastfeeding is a very strong one. Even if you are not a stay at home mom, breastfeeding can still be mastered once you get a schedule down, just like any other schedule regarding an infant.

My friend nursed her baby for 12 weeks and when she went back to work, she pumped her breastmilk and dropped bottles off with the baby at daycare so the baby still could receive breastmilk via bottle. she ended up supplying so much breastmilk, that there always was backup in the freezer (that is good for weeks) so when the baby started getting more hungry, there was no need for panic. she ended up breastfeeding for 9 months until the problem of teeth came into the mix.

Sure you can hold a baby close while bottle-feeding...but it is obviously not the same as breast feeding. When you breastfeed, the baby obviously smells its mother and the baby also smells when a woman's milk "comes in" and that makes the baby know it is supper time...and the baby actually becomes social and much more relaxed when being nursed by his/her mother. I truly believe babies are meant to be breastfed...even when an infant is placed on the stomach of a mother, the baby instinctively creeps towards the breast to nurse without any physical placement of the baby towards the nipple. It is FASCINATING stuff.

Plus...as far as children in this day and age with all the allergies and ear infections...one has to wonder what is causing all of these problems in little ones. When someone tells me the frustration of a baby who has had 5 ear infections in a year, I always ask "did you breastfeed?" this is, of course, just my opinion and I have always been at odds with my sister because she refused to breastfeed because she felt weird.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Plus...as far as children in this day and age with all the allergies and ear infections...one has to wonder what is causing all of these problems in little ones. When someone tells me the frustration of a baby who has had 5 ear infections in a year, I always ask "did you breastfeed?"

You have made some interesting, albeit anecdotal, points in your post. Yes, in a perfect world, breast milk is best. I think we can all agree on that. However, it's wrong to assume that children who are not breastfed will have medical problems.

My daughters are almost two years old, have never had an ear infection, and have no allergies. They were formula-fed from birth.

I understand that you were expressing your opinion only. My question (usually just in my mind) when I hear about repeated ear infections is "do you have your child in day care?" But I know I can't generalize about kids who attend day care anymore than we can assume that non-breastfed children are less healthy.

Just my two cents.

[mamasaid]

However, it's wrong to assume that children who are not breastfed will have medical problems.

I never said I thought all bottle-fed babies have medical problems. I said breastfeeding is far more healthier.

[tonyrat]

Just to let the facts out to air...

While it is true that not all babies which are bottle fed turn out unhealthy, nor all babies that go to daycare turn out unhealthy, (such generalizations being no more than, well... generalizations), it IS true that breast milk DOES assist in newborn immune system development, as anti-bodies are actively distributed through that vehicle (mostly in the collustrum), giving the newborn the "tools" to stave off illness without having to suffer through the illnesses first in order to develop the same antibodies. Likewise, it is also true that increased exposure to other people increases the spreading of illness (as is expected), particularly with active children which tend to be very physical with one another. While this means that children in daycare DO have a greater likelihood of getting certain illnesses, in the vast majority of cases, it is just temporary, with no development of permanent chronic conditions. Some argue that this "germ exposure" is good, as it gets illness out of the way early on, while others argue that it is better to let the child's immune system develop gradually over time. The bottom line, as far as daycare goes, it doesn't really matter... they're going to get sick with various things here and here throughout their whole lives... and as such, the consideration of daycare should rest more with other quality of life aspects during the time which daycare is needed. Back to breastmilk, it is better to breastfeed for the infants immune system, helps the mother lose weight (assuming she doesn't eat to compensate), which can be healthy (depending on the mother's physiology), and CAN (but not necessarily) provide a deeper level of intimacy that can more quickly create a bond between mother and child. (This of course depends on the mother... if the mother feels it is "weird", then, hey, it's not bound to have the same effect as a mother who is "gung-ho" to breast feed. (Universal Truth in "Quantum Mechanics"... lol...) This is not to say, however, that formula is the "bad" choice... sometimes it is necessary, either for convenience (many mothers must work these days, and pumping and storage can be very awkward at work), or for lack of sufficient production. So, if you breast-feed, great. If not, don't feel bad, it's not the end of the world, your kid will turn out just fine just as well. The only real difference there (as far as infantile development is concerned) is HOW antibodies are introduced into the system, and whether or not the mother and child can achieve as tight a bond without the process of breastfeeding. So, really, ultimately, there is no "best answer"... just do whatever is right for you and your new baby, and don't worry about it.

[HappyTwinsMom]

When someone tells me the frustration of a baby who has had 5 ear infections in a year, I always ask "did you breastfeed?"

This implied to me that you assumed non-breastfed children would have medical issues. Sorry if I misunderstood you, but I was looking at your words when I posted my response.

My point was that we cannot generalize about any group...breastfed vs bottle-fed, day care vs non-day care. If you're asking "did you breastfeed?" to a mom who is frustrated with ongoing medical issues, you're giving her the very clear message that she has done something wrong if she didn't breastfeed.

tonyrat, you said:

If not, don't feel bad, it's not the end of the world, your kid will turn out just fine just as well.

For the record, I don't feel "bad" about not breastfeeding, and I know my kids are "just fine." Although I didn't have a choice in my situation, I very well may have gone the same route (formula-feeding) because having premature twins was stressful enough without having to deal with the anxiety of trying to nurse both of them adequately...even though I was a stay-at-home mom for the first several months.

[tonyrat]

Hey, right on... as I said, ultimately, you need to do what is best for you and your baby... my point was simply that there is no absolute collective "right" or "wrong", just "right" or "wrong" for each individual and their child... and that can differ from person to person, family to family. In life, there are always decisions, and always consequences for decisions, some good, some not-so-good. It is wise for every parent to weight ALL options with every sitatuation and consider both the positive and negative consequences for their specific case, and then decide on the best course of action with what is estimated to have the most positive results overall. So, bottom line, every woman, when considering bottle vs. breast need not rely on the opinions of others, which may be right only for them and their specific situation (the subjective), but listen to their own heart and do what is in the best interest of the child long term. Sometimes it will be breast feeding, sometimes bottle feeding.

As far as I'm concerned, while facts are facts, it is important to consider the subjective as well when making life-decisions, as subjective matters do play a part in our lives just as well as facts do. Notwithstanding, I believe it's also important to consider the truth of the facts involved as well. So, take it in stride, and please realize that I am not condemning or advocating either practice, only trying to air out the facts involved, and to encourage women faced with this decision to consider both the "hard" facts and the "subjective" individualized facts, which will ultimately be different from woman to woman, and as such, make their decision an individual choice, not really something to debate as an absolute for women across the board.

I hope that made some sense!

[Sharon]

I breast-fed my son until he was over a year old; to me, breast-feeding seems easier and more flexible, in addition to the health benefits to the baby. I didn't own a dishwasher at the time, and thought it would be troublesome and time-consuming (and expensive) messing with bottles and all the accoutrements. I rented an electric breast pump, and I did eventually start storing extra breast milk in bottles in the fridge, but I used the kind of bottles that have the disposable plastic bag inside, so the only thing you have to sanitize is the rubber nipple. But breast-feeding saves on the cost of formula, saves you from having to lug bags full of bottles around in public and then worry about the milk spoiling from being unrefrigerated...it just saves all kinds of hassles, and allows you to get a lot more sleep as well, because when the baby wakes up at night for a feeding you don't have to get up and fuss with bottles, you can just bring the baby into your bed and go back to sleep while the baby nurses. Of course everyone knows it's better for the baby, but I honestly think breast-feeding makes things easier on the mother as well, and I don't understand why people think it will be complicated. As far as I'm concerned, it's the simplest and most natural solution all around. I'd encourage any mother to at least try it before going with the artificial stuff. Best of luck to you and your baby! Sincerely, Sharon

[lemonchutney]

For adoptive mothers to breastfeed, they need to take drugs such as domperidone or reglan. These drugs mimic the hormones that occur in postnatal women, and they also often cause depression.

Also, to get the milk production going, adoptive moms must pump full time (around the clock every two to three hours). This is exhausting mentally and physically and is MUCH different than pumping a couple times a day while at work. There is really no comparison.

My son was born 6 weeks early, and due to numerous complications I won't go into, was not able to breastfeed. I was determined to get him my milk, though, so I pumped full-time for 6.5 months, and when my milk production started to wane because of utter exhaustion, I took domperidone to increase supply. This caused me to become depressed. If I had been an adoptive mother, I would have needed to take much more of that depression-causing drug. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone!

The cult of breastfeeding often causes more harm than good. If you can breastfeed easily and joyfully, great. But don't beat yourself up if you can't. Today's formulas are not unhealthy. To hear some people go on, you'd think they were poison. This is not true. After I gave up the pumping, I formula fed until my son was a year old. Now he's going on two, and he's absolutely fine. Just think of all the mothers who take their kids to McDondald's every day. If you have to formula feed, make up for it by giving your child access to a healthy diet the remaining 17+ years of his childhood....!

[Gr8ful4MyFamily]

Originally posted by lemonchutney
For adoptive mothers to breastfeed, they need to take drugs such as domperidone or reglan. These drugs mimic the hormones that occur in postnatal women, and they also often cause depression.

Also, to get the milk production going, adoptive moms must pump full time (around the clock every two to three hours). This is exhausting mentally and physically and is MUCH different than pumping a couple times a day while at work. There is really no comparison.

Not true for every one. This may be your personal experience, but I have had a TOTALLY different one.

Our baby came early. I was not ready for her. We bottle fed and used a SNS to get things going. Used all TOTALLY Natural remedies to start lactation. I only pumped for the first month, after that pumping was not needed.

Breastfeeding an adopted child is hard yes, but NOT impossible
I plan on nursing our baby that is on her way to us.

[sweetnoodle]

Katupatree,

You've gotten a lot of advice and opinions here. I am a mom of two.

I'd like to input another suggestion, not sure I saw it here. How about doing both? I mean, if someone had told me there was a middle ground, it would have helped me and my children.

Instead, as one writer put it, the "cult" of breastfeeding duped me into believing I was "less then" if I didn't breastfeed. My first child had a terrible time because she was HUNGRY. The second one did a lot better, but I was terribly run down from having two babies in a row, a c-section and no help around the house. God knows, if I had bottle and breast-fed, everyone would have been better off.

Don't forget you and your husband in the process. It's not just all about baby. If there's no bottle, the dad can't feed baby. Why shouldn't he have this chance too?

It's absolutely not true that a baby can't learn the different suckling motion for both at the same time. I would introduce them in a certain time frame.

Sincerely,

[lemonchutney]

http://www.adoptionbreastfeeding.com/

Gr8ful4MyFamily,
First let me say congratulations on your success! Your perseverence paid off, and you should be proud of yourself. I also must say that not all situations are the same. Part of your success was due to luck. Many mothers of preemies try just as hard as you did and are still not able to nurse. There are a host of reasons people can't nurse and you are not necessarily more noble than someone who is not successful at nursing. Nursing a preemie is similar and also different from inducing lactation when you have not been pregnant.

A woman who induces lactation without pregnancy is going to have to supplement because at first there will be only a few drops of milk. Assuming the baby latches successfully, with frequent nursing the volume of milk will increase over time. But the volume is unlikely to ever reach the approx. 30 ounces per day required to meet a baby's nutritional needs.

However, I'm not saying it's not worth the effort. The benefits of bonding will still be there. If you don't take the drugs I mentioned, you can take a natural herb called fenugreek. It doesn't work as well, but it doesn't have the bad side effects either. Or you can take no drugs, not worry about volume, use a supplementation system, and enjoy the bonding.

Still, I know from experience that bonding occurs without nursing. Holding, rocking, gazing into your child's eyes while singing and talking softly---these are incredibly bonding experiences---maybe moreso than having a teething baby gnaw at your nipples. ;-)