[SchmennaLeigh]

For those who don't know, I'll be officially joining this forum again in December. But now I have a new question that's awkward for me to ask because of the fact that I already had a child but she wasn't at home when Nicholas was born so I didn't deal with this issue... sigh.

For those who had a child already at home, especially those whose children were of a younger age, how did you manage time with both of them, introduce them, manage feedings, and not pull out your hair. While Josh and I honestly wanted our children to be this close since our siblings are eight years apart from each of us, we're both now trying to mentally work out the logistics for having children almost exactly two years apart.

Any help, advice, story or encouragement will be welcomed. Horror stories with happy endings are nice but sometimes the bad stories without happy endings also need to be heard.

I've found a few books that we're going to buy for Nicholas. And he knows what a "baby" is... so, we're moving in the right direction.

RIGHT?

[Casey677]

First, Congratulations!!!

Our girls are 18 months apart. Hanna was absolutely enchanted with her sister from day one. However, she was really rough with her at first & I had to watch her like a hawk. She will still, occaisionally, hurt her (hold her hand too tight or poke her in they eye kind of things) so I really have yet to let down my guard. For me, the beginning was REALLY hard. Getting up numerous times at night & just not getting any sleep... and then having to be 100% on the ball for my toddler during the day was harder than I thought it was going to be. Also, if it was time to feed the baby, I had to make sure that Hanna had her sippy cup & snack bowl full before sitting down with the baby because inevitably she would choose that second to demand more water.

My sister is 9 years younger than me so we wanted our kiddos to be close in age as well. As hard as the first few months were (Sofie is almost 4 months & it is getting so much easier) I don't regret a second! I am, however, scared to death about our surprise baby being only 9 months younger than Sofie.

Oh! One more thing. I have a bunch of friends IRL who all also have two under two's. All of us (even those with sons) bought the oldest a doll while waiting for the baby. I'm not sure if it helped the others, but it has really helped Hanna. I am surprised by how she has to mirror everything I do with Sofie. She gives her baby a bottle when I feed mine, burps her, etc. It is really very sweet.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

For those who don't know, I'll be officially joining this forum again in December. But now I have a new question that's awkward for me to ask because of the fact that I already had a child but she wasn't at home when Nicholas was born so I didn't deal with this issue... sigh.

For those who had a child already at home, especially those whose children were of a younger age, how did you manage time with both of them, introduce them, manage feedings, and not pull out your hair. While Josh and I honestly wanted our children to be this close since our siblings are eight years apart from each of us, we're both now trying to mentally work out the logistics for having children almost exactly two years apart.

Any help, advice, story or encouragement will be welcomed. Horror stories with happy endings are nice but sometimes the bad stories without happy endings also need to be heard.

I've found a few books that we're going to buy for Nicholas. And he knows what a "baby" is... so, we're moving in the right direction.

RIGHT?

I found it a very hard adjustment BUT there are so many factors in our added child coming to our family that were different from what your experience will most likely be (very little notice, we moved when Roo was a month old and didn't have a house to go to, he was colicky among other related health issues) that I really wouldn't want to compare it and freak you out.

One thing that caught my off guard was how hard it was to know that the new little one was taking so much of my time away from Bug. I hadn't thought that through, that at times, she would have to take a backseat to Roo's needs when for all this time she had been my central focus. That would be something to prepare your heart for.

If I had it to do over again, I would find someone to look after Babe while I played with Bug (park, walks, etc) at times instead of finding someone to play with her for awhile so I could rest. I think I would have adjusted better. It was just such a drastic shift from our somewhat carefree existence as Mom and DD, to her going off to play at times with someone else while I tried to get Roo to calm etc or got some sleep.

[Casey677]

I will add on to what Tammy said and state that I had trouble the first two months bonding with Sofie. She wasn't Hanna. She wasn't the one that I had spent every last moment of the past 18 months with. I didn't know her inside and out. Her face wasn't as familiar to me as my own reflection. She didn't like to be held the same way Hanna did, she didn't like to be burped the same way... heck she wouldn't even use the same bottle. It was hard for me to accept this new little person into my heart. I had to work hard at it. But once she smiled at me for the first time, I was a goner. She had won her own special place in my heart.

Luckily for me, Sofie was (still is) extremely laid back and I still had oodles of time to spend with just Hanna while Sofie was napping or just hanging out in her swing. The girls also nap seperately so I had quality one on one time with each of them while the other slept. It worked for me... well, it started to work once I started to get more sleep at night, LOL.

[bajj]

Going from 1 to 2 children was difficult for me, however, I don't think I was prepared for the guilt I'd feel! I felt guilty every time the baby would cry and I'd have to tell JD, I can't do that right now, I have to feed the baby. I can't work that puzzle, I have to change the baby.

After awhile, I decided to include JD in with taking care of JM. He got to go and get diapers or wipes for me. He got to sit and hold JM (propped up on pillows). I let him feed him sometimes.

Once I moved beyond the guilt and realized that sometimes I had to just let JM cry while I finished reading to JD or sometimes JD would just have to wait until JM was asleep, things calmed down a lot.

It will be an adjustment, but you'll do great!

Congratulations, btw!

[redbonec]

Congratulations Jenna!

And, you have stated a question I have been thinking about, since we are wondering when to start for #2. Some responses have been what I worry about--the second one not being the same as our baby K, not being able to spend our time with just K, etc.

I thought the baby doll idea was a good one--I will pass that on to my friend who is due in 3 weeks, her other child is 18 months.

Thanks everyone for their honesty in your response posts--it has been helpful for me to think about too!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Okay, I know it's hormones but I'm all weepy and I just want to thank you guys for your responses thus far. I am worried about some of the guilt and stuff but your ideas and advice seem to make sense to me.

We're so excited for this journey.

Thanks guys. Keep 'em coming.

[Emster]

JEnna, Love your little ticker...ONLY 223 days left. I can't wait til she gets here. You will be a phenominal mom yet again. You make me want to think about having another one way or another...

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by bajj

I don't think I was prepared for the guilt I'd feel!

That's it ... the guilt. Even the first night when I was asked to spend the night at the hospital I cried so hard watching Bug walk away with her Dad. Even though I understood that the placement wasn't done, that Roo's Mom hadn't yet completely made her decision, that THAT is what it would feel like to be torn.

I'm slowly realized that the doubling of everything is part of the journey, that I love them both beyond what I could have ever imagined, but when people say they love them the "same" I don't understand. I have different love... equal ~ overwhelming ~ scary ~ incredible love but it's not not the same love. I love Bug. I love Roo.

You are going to have SO MUCH FUN, Jenna! I am thrilled for you and your family!

[mommamarci]

One thing I have heard a lot of moms recommend: get a box that is the feeding box. Whenever it is time to feed, you pull this out for Nick. Put stickers, special snacks, toys, etc. Then just add one or two new things every week or two. That way he looks forward to feeding times.

[gottahavehope]

I love this thread. Congratulations Jenna!!

I'm in a similar boat. My son will only be 11 or 12 months, depending on when I go into labor, when my daughter is born.

I worry constantly about how I will do this. I am also afraid that I won't have enough time for both. How will I give Jack the attention he has gotten these months while still giving Molly the one-on-one that Jack got with me when he was born?

And, this is terrible....but what if I don't love my daughter the way I love my son. I mean he is my WHOLE WORLD!!!! How will another child fit into my heart. I know this is a crazy thought b/c I love her already as I feel her even now kicking away in my belly, but Jackie just owns me heart, body, and soul right now.

I'm just going to rely heavily on family. My husband and I are teachers so my dh will be off with me for the summer months, I'm taking a long leave from work Plus, my mom and dad live really close by.


I have another worry...Do I breastfeed? I obviously didn't with Jack b/c he was adopted. I would like to try with Molly but I have these images of her being attached to my breast 24/7 and me not being able to leave her for a moment. How will Jack handle that? He is a Momma's boy. We snuggle all day long. I want to be able to switch off with my husband-you take the baby and I'll take Jack and vice versa. How do I do that if we breastfeed?

I will agree with the doll thing. We pulled out my old cabbage patch and put it in a baby dress. Jackie rocks her and gives her kisses and we teach him to be "nice." It seems to be working. When I put on lullabies, he picks the baby up and rocks her. It is so cute. Although, don't think he'll be holding his sister for awhile.

Sigh...Okay...I'm just nervous sorry for my rambling. I'm also really, really excited when I think about my little Irish Twins getting to grow up together, loving each other, being co-conspirators as they go through life. Ahhhh...

Family is sooooooooo good.

Love and peace,
K

[SchmennaLeigh]

Emster; you said "she." Do you know something we don't?! That said, the wide majority of the world says girl.

*makes note of feeding box*

K; my Mom and her sister are Irish twins and it's cool.

[Emster]

Ya know, I just wrote "she" and realized it after I was done writing my comment and felt as though I should let it stand. It felt right. I figure there's a 50% chance I am.