[mom2GRLC]

I've cared for a lot of babies in the past. But for some reason my adoptive daughter who is 7 1/2 months doesn't fit the mold.

Obviously I can't hold her all the time. Sometimes you need a break to do chores, make dinner etc.

Most of the time when i put her down she is ok as long as i am right beside her or in close eye sight. But as soon as a leave the room or start walking away from her she starts screaming.

With other babies they seem to get the hint that everything is ok and will be busy playing or something like that. Not my little girl. For a couple months now all she does is scream. She won't play. Sometimes ashe will roll over or move a little bit but she continues to scream at the top of her lungs. It just gets worse and worse... she never calms down until i start coming towards her (in her close eye sight or if i pick her up.

i know she isn't hungry, dirty or tired.....she only does it because Mommy has left or is not close to her.

Is this normal? Is it a form of stranger anxiety? She does have stranger anxiety sometimes when we are at church or out places and other people talk to her or want to hold her but it's not very often.

What can i do....I'[ve tried everything. Is it healthy for her development to just let her cry and learn for herself that it's something she has to deal with. It breaks my heart...because she gets so upset and cries and cries.

I've had her since she was 5 days old...so it's not like she has bonding or trusting issues.

[Sylvester]

It sounds to me that she is having seperation anxiety. It is very normal at her age to be experiencing this. I would suggest that if you are for example trying to make dinner you put a play pen in the kitchen so she can see you yet you can do what you need to do. Have you tried singing or talking to her while your doing chores so she knows you are still close? Do you leave her with sitters? I would suggest that you start go on small outings so she can begin to learn that she is safe without you and you will return. Some kids experience seperation anxiety more than others, there will be an end to it.

[echaos]

You can also try using a baby wrap or back pack carrier while she is in this phase. That way you can carry her around, she has you near and is comforted, but your hands are free (and she is safe) for you to make dinner, do the dishes etc...

and this is definitely not spoiling her. Just letting her know that you love her and she is important to you. There is plenty of time later in her life for her to play on her own.

[tobeafamily]

This is normal - she's what Dr. Sears calls a high needs child. Also at 7 1/2 months they're starting to get the concept of object permanence and so when things 'disappear' they have anxiety.

My suggestions:

First, if you haven't, check out The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.

Second, if you're not already, invest in a good sling and/or Baby Bjorn to carry your daughter.

Third, give her 5 minute timed seperations - i.e. put her in a room, say "Mommy will be back in 5 mintues", leave, then come back exactly 5 minutes later. She'll start to 'get' that Mommy comes back.

BTW It's impossible IMHO to spoil an infant. 3 YO, yes. 7 1/2 month old - no. You're building secure attachments that will allow your child to be more independent as they grow.

HTH

Regina

[mom2GRLC]

Yes, i do have a carrier as well as a sling...I use it mostly when we are out and about....I've used it a couple of times at home...but it is to hard to really get things done with her in it......bending over alot......and she is really getting heavy....I'm not sure how much she weighs...but she has to be over 20lbs by now. At her 6th month check-up she was 16lbs something ounces now she is 8 months.

If I'm going to be in one certian room for a while doing dishes...cooking dinner..folding laundry...then i bring her with me and put her in one of her jumpers or activity centers....as long as i don't leave the room...or go to far away from her she is fine(sometimes she cries just because she wants to be held).

My problem is when I have to leave the room for only a minute or a couple minutes.....i don't want to have to bring her for every tiny jot down the hall. It wouldn't bother me if it were just one cry here or there....but it is this loud top or her lungs shreiking every single time i walk away from her.....ALL DAY LONG!!!!

In my mind I know she isn't dying..and it is probably good for her to learn that she can't be with me constantly....but that I always return. But in my heart...i feel like I'm the worst mom in the world....she needs me...she is really scared...and doesn't know how to deal when i'm out of sight.

I try and get things done going from this room to that room etc.....while trying to ignore the crying....but it just gets to me. I have to go rescue her and let her know I am still here and I still love her. It keeps me from getting my work done...and then I feel fustrated because I'm home all day but feel like I can't do anything...unless she is attatched to me.

She is my first priority of course.....before anything alse.....I just can't wait for her to finally realize that Mommy will be back and she can keep herself entertained for a short time.


I know in my years of dealing with infertility and trying to adopt that i used to hate people who complained about taking care of babies or kids....I always said i would be greatful for every little thing they did the good and the bad.....I still am...I just wish there was a way to keep her happy and do everything else I need to do. Maybe I will get out the sling again and start conditioning my back to wearing it...cause it sounds like that is my only other option.....other than letting her cry...or picking her up every single place I go.

Thank you for your advice....I definately appreciate it....it's just easier said than done.

[sugarbabysmommy]

Sounds whacky, but when our little one was about this age and going through the same thing, I used to use the stroller in the house. One arm carried the laundry, the other pushed baby in the stroller.