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  #1  
Old 01-04-2009, 01:05 PM
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cinnamonheart cinnamonheart is offline
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Heart Jehovah's Witness looking to adopt from foster care

My husband and I are going to start MAPP classes in the spring and want to adopt an older child. We are in our 50's, have custody of our 7 yr old granddaughter and do not want babies or toddlers. I'm not concerned about the blood issue. It is the holiday issue. Are there other JW's out there who have fostered/adopted older kids and how well did they adjust to not celebrating holidays? Our granddaughter has no problem with it as she likes just getting gifts whenever, not having to wait until her birthday or Christmas. Any thoughts from someone with real-life experience?
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  #2  
Old 02-01-2009, 08:11 PM
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Hello!
My husband and I have been fostering and adopting for over 20 years. The Holidays were never an issue with the kids we fostered or adopted. Like your grandchild they were happy to recieve presents all the time. Many of our older kids had very sad memories of holidays of the past. Their birth parents did not always act the best at those times. You can PM me for more information if you want.
Jenny
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  #3  
Old 02-03-2009, 06:01 PM
MamaAndDb MamaAndDb is offline
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a sister in our cong. fosterd babies for years. She refused to buy birthday presents for the babies, and the agency knew that and worked around it. She has made a good name for witnesses at our local agency, which paved the way for us to get our homestudy completed (previous agency did not like us)

We have been aproved to adopt only up to the age of 5, since our SW believes that any child older than that would resent our not celebrating holidays on top of all the other losses the child experiences. Despite our telling her that we would help the child to understand. I am not fighting her too much on that cause i do want younger kids anyways.
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  #4  
Old 04-01-2009, 01:00 PM
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dachshunds4you dachshunds4you is offline
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I know this is an older posting...but I just found the JW section of the forum. I'm so excited!

My husband and I adopted our daughter from foster care in CA. We are currently foster to adopt parents in TX. In CA our agency loved us, and really helped them to see how normal JW's are. They were so sad to see us move. We still go and visit them when we are in CA.
In TX, we're hoping this won't be a problem. No one has mentioned any issues with us. of course, we do have babies...but are appproved to age 6.

I think you'll be fine, once they see what great parents you are. Then they forget about the religion part of us.
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03/06 - Approved Foster/Adopt Parent in CA
03/06-02/08 - 5 kids placed with us (E, O, S, H, J)
03/06/02/08 - 4 Respites (R, F, D, R)
02/08 - Moved to TX
08/08 - H adoption final
08/08 - Approved Foster/Adopt Parent in TX
08/08-5/09 - 3 short term fosters during this time (A, P, M)
03/23/09 - AS C - 3 days old - Adopted Sept 2010
11/02/09 - AD A - 7yrs old - Adopted July 2010

With 3 AK's, we are done for now.
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  #5  
Old 06-06-2009, 07:28 PM
carlismycoolcat carlismycoolcat is offline
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First of all ,let me tell you how I came to be on this forum. Since learning a few things about CPS I have done some searches on the internet about adoption and what people think about foster care , on both sides of an issue I have with it.

I was surprised to see there are JW's who are for adoption. I can see how you would want to "save" a child ,so to speak. I consider myself a witness even though I am not baptized. I have not done anything "wrong" to prevent a baptism, I have just been struggling with faith because there are so many JW's that seem to be to "worldly" in my personal opinion and it seems hard for ME to find people (to associate with or make friends with) who I think really care about what is the truth and what is really right versus wrong.
One thing I kept in mind when deciding to start studying the bible with a witness (I was raised with one parent in the truth,but she didn't really teach me anything, so I had to learn everything from scratch as an adult)

I used to want to be a foster parent. I changed my mind when I found out how corrupt the system(gov) really is just this past year, even when it comes to CPS(child protection) . I do understand there are children who come from abused homes or parents that did drugs. As long as there was no REAL physical abuse or neglect(sadly abuse nowadays can be anything from being poor to spanking , or even yelling at your kids ) , I personally feel NO CHILD should be separated from their loving homes. I seriously doubt there a family who has no relatives what so ever that could have taken the child, instead of the child go into foster care. I DO understand most of these people have GOOD (intentions) in trying to save abused kids. Ever heard of the saying the road to hell is paved with good intentions? (its just a saying,but proves a point ,I know there's no firey hell) However PLEASE know that there are MANY MANY families that are torn apart by CPS for doing NOTHING wrong !

These children get taken away and put into foster care, or even taken away forever to be adopted out because some one in the community made a anonymous (FALSE) allegation. If they are already poor and can't afford those "services" but make too much to qualify for assistance,etc..etc.. job loss,etc.. it's harder to fight cps and/or do what CPS wants. A lot of times , they will treat you like your guilty until proven innocent,but guess what? You won't be allowed to prove your innocence. You will be made to take parenting classes (depsite already knowing more than most parents on how to love & raise a child properly) and/or drug tests (that are sometimes a false posative. JUST to show them "ok,these parents are not abusing the kids" (yet on their paperwork it says otherwise ) ,and after 6months or so they finally get to come back home to your loving arms. I have tried educating others on this and those who remain brainwashed will say things like, " Your nuts/crazy" " If the allegations weren't serious they wouldn't have been taken" Or they must have done something." This one takes the cake If they weren't so overly zealous,then they wouldn't find the ones really abuse " I say if they weren't waisting their time with innocent loving parents,they would have MORE time for the ones needing saving. It doesn't matter what the parents did or didn't do (as long as there was no PROOF of PHYSICAL abuse), they are still allegations(meaning HEARSAY ) ,and no child should be torn from there parents. Look on Youtube and other sites type in CPS. See all those parents who love their kids and are wishing to find them one day because they were un justy taken away . You JW's know this system is corrupt,please consider the fact that CPS is corrupt too. You may have been told your adopted child was abused, but you don't know if that is ever really true,or that the birth parent loves them and wants them to come home. I do not curse,do not do drugs,don't drink or smoke... Have no criminal record and have never abused a child. Guess what, some one (I think I know who it is) out of spite or because they didn't know me very well,and thought they were "helping" made an anonymous call. Everytime I tell people I get flamed ,yelled at (on the internet) basicly I am hated . Do you know how ambarrasing it is to have to tell people this,because you are innocent and did nothing wrong?? Im too scared to tell fellow wittness because what if it makes them think I am a bad parents and not want me to watch their kids?? I know I did nothing wron,like someone who gets put in jail for something they did not do People judging me and thinking I HAD to have done something *NOPE*.

I know the process they went through for taking my kids was UNJUST and WRONG and we ,nor my kids deserved it. Yeah,I have them back,but they are scarred and My oldest is one grade level behind in school because he had to live somewhere else and the other person wasn't prepared to know how to teach him and what his needs are. He was making A's and B's and when he came back home,he was maknig all F's and I have to deal with the pain from remembering what they did to us,and the pain from knowing other families arn't so lucky . I used to think I could forgive anyone of anything. I have to struggle to pray and ask to not feel so much hate in my heart twards the people who did this.
If you think I am lying or this cannot be true, than I don't know what else to say. I know I am speaking the truth. For all you know I could be someone who doesn't really love Jehovah and is trying to lie to you. If anyone wants the urls to some websites that educate on the corruption of CPS, Let me know,but please don't flame me from trying to educate. I said I know there are kids who do need to be taken away(although not as much as the public thinks). But no family should be ripped a apart like this. I do not beleive in adoption anymore either. What if I gave my oldest child up when I got pregnant with him at 19? (I wasn't a witness back then). I thought about it,but because I did know a little about the truth/bible I felt i would be murdering my child ,because what if he ended up being adopted by a non witness family who would end up not making it in the end of the system of things. I felt that alothugh that would be giving him a chance, it would still be the same as if i had gotten an abortion,so i kept him so I could teach him about Jehovah IF I decided I wanted to start studying,and 6yrs later I did decide to start studying.
Now I probably can never adopt or foster a child myself(not that I want to anymore) ,maybe not even have a home daycare. I have always wanted a home daycare. I know my family and god comes first,but those were dreams I had for what type of jobs I wanted,working with children because I love kids. now all that is gone, because of one anonymous caller,and the corrupt cps and corrupt gov If you want to adopt, do it international, and then still make sure the agency is legit. Some agencies lie to the Birth parents to take the babies. Did you know there was a awake magazine promoting adoption to unwed mothers . I wonder if the Watchtower society would feel the same about that now. I wonder if they thought about those babies dying when the end comes,if they got adopted by parents who do not love Jehovah. I really do want to know.
Every time I try to talk to a witness about personal matters they don't talk to me,just AT me and it only seems like they are trying to get "time" for their time sheets when they call on me to come back to the meetings. I todl them I don't need these mags, I need the current watchtower for this sunday ,because it would be nice to have one,instead of ask for one AFTER we get there.This isn't about me, sorry getting off track...

I have slowed down on the meetings only because of being depressed over what happend last year, and I am going whenever I have the strength,by the way. It's just very hard because it feels like no one understands or cares,or but just a few people . I jsut want you al lto know i am not a bad person, I just want everyone to be educated. When you go door to door,isn't that your intention? To tell peopel the turth. I feel people need to know the truth about CPS. But I have stopped talking about it, on other forums (besides ineedto cut down on being on the computer ) because it what it really comes down is a polical issue and I know not to get into political affairs because this gov is only temporary anyway. I still feel the need to tell people occasioanly,and since I accidentaly came across this forum I thought I'd see if there was really Jw's who were fostering and adopting,and so I couldn't help but to try and inform you because I love children and it and feel it is wrong to be a part of ripping a part families,children who belong with their birth parents who DO want them and CPS takes them away when they were never in any danger. I feel sad that there are JW's that are apart of this .

Last edited by carlismycoolcat : 06-06-2009 at 07:58 PM.
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  #6  
Old 06-10-2009, 07:09 PM
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jennyg1982 jennyg1982 is offline
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I am sorry you have had such a terriable experience dealing with CPS. We have been dealing with them for over 20 years. Yes there is much injustice sometimes kids are removed and should not be and kids are returned that should never be returned. But with every child I have adopted, 15 so far, there were at times relatives that could have had custody but did not want custody. Other times relatives were disquailifed because of past arrests for drugs etc. As to drug screens. Yes there are false readings. But that is only part of what the court considers during a TPR trial. Some of my kids were in care for 7 and 8 years, should we expect them to wait until they are 18? Some of my other kids had been in care repeatly, going home and returning into care because a parent got arrested for buying or selling drugs. When this happens over and over again what can the courts do but at least find a family for these kids so they can grow up safely. We have worked with a flawed system for years because we wanted a family. I understand where you are coming from but not every parent works as hard as you to regain custody. Sadly some seem to care more about drugs than their kids.
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  #7  
Old 06-18-2009, 07:42 PM
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anilorak13ska anilorak13ska is offline
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so sorry...

I, too, am so sorry that you and your kids have had to deal with this terrible injustice. Although not with CPS, I have also experienced first hand the corruption of many a govt program.

And I wanted to second what you say about the fact that some children are taken away from their biological families not for actual intended harm, but for poverty or lack of resources. Sadly, it often comes down to money. It's cheaper to take a child away and place him or her into a foster home than it is to make sure the bio family has enough food to eat, can pay their bills, has proper childcare available, etc. And these sort of unjust removals tend to happen disproportionately in minority and/or immigrant families, where often the standard for adequate childcare is different (though not at all necessarily "worse") than what is generally accepted.

Having said that, I also wanted to say that some children do indeed need to be removed from their biological families. Not every parent cares about their children like you do. It's a terrible thing to realize about society, and an awful thing to have to acknowledge with your adopted child. But it's part of who they are, and they have a right to know their full history.

I pray that Jehova will take this hurt from you and heal your wounded heart, so that you may start to try to see that adoption - when done correctly and carefully - is one of the many ways that He blesses needy children.

Because when you speak out against adoption in general, with no caveats, you inadvertantly hurt children who were adopted by making them question their role in their forever families. And you love children, so I know you don't mean to do that.

God bless,
Karolina
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Feel free to ask me about our experience with:
~~ Private Domestic Adoption
.....fall throughs w/ 4 bmoms May 2008 - March 2010
~~ Foster Care
.....Baby VV 9/28/09 - 7/28/10 RU w/ mom 9/3/10
.....inquired on many waiting kids in US foster care to no avail Summer 2009 - Fall 2010
~~ International adoption
.....attempted, withdrawn November 2010 - December 2011
~~ Open Embryo Adoption
.....attempted Nov 2011 & April 2012, no take-home baby

Thanks to anonymous embryo donation, we are finally a family of three!
11/25/13

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http://holinessnotperfection.blogspot.com/
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  #8  
Old 06-18-2009, 07:45 PM
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anilorak13ska anilorak13ska is offline
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I forgot to also mention that a woman considering placing her unborn baby for adoption can very well stipulate the religion of the parents she wants to adopt her child, thereby ensuring that the child's soul is where it needs to be. This is especially true with independent adoption, which doesn't go through the adoption agency intermediary (not legal in all states).
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married 5/8/2003
Feel free to ask me about our experience with:
~~ Private Domestic Adoption
.....fall throughs w/ 4 bmoms May 2008 - March 2010
~~ Foster Care
.....Baby VV 9/28/09 - 7/28/10 RU w/ mom 9/3/10
.....inquired on many waiting kids in US foster care to no avail Summer 2009 - Fall 2010
~~ International adoption
.....attempted, withdrawn November 2010 - December 2011
~~ Open Embryo Adoption
.....attempted Nov 2011 & April 2012, no take-home baby

Thanks to anonymous embryo donation, we are finally a family of three!
11/25/13

My blog:
http://holinessnotperfection.blogspot.com/
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  #9  
Old 06-18-2009, 07:49 PM
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anilorak13ska anilorak13ska is offline
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Another thought (sorry, last one!). Just as you say there is no way a family member cannot be found for a child, this is sadly not always true. For instance, we had wanted to adopt a pair of brothers from another state, but they have an arrangment with a relative where they visit regularly. This relative has no interest in adopting the boys. This is what upset me - if they are so close with the boys, if they care so much about them that it's limiting the families that can be considered for them, then why aren't THEY adopting their nephews/etc.?

Another scenario is with immigrant families. Many are isolated in this country, with only parents and children here. So if the children must be removed from the parents, they have no where else to go, unless you send them back to their original country, which I do not advocate, especially if the child has been raised here.

Ok, good night then
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married 5/8/2003
Feel free to ask me about our experience with:
~~ Private Domestic Adoption
.....fall throughs w/ 4 bmoms May 2008 - March 2010
~~ Foster Care
.....Baby VV 9/28/09 - 7/28/10 RU w/ mom 9/3/10
.....inquired on many waiting kids in US foster care to no avail Summer 2009 - Fall 2010
~~ International adoption
.....attempted, withdrawn November 2010 - December 2011
~~ Open Embryo Adoption
.....attempted Nov 2011 & April 2012, no take-home baby

Thanks to anonymous embryo donation, we are finally a family of three!
11/25/13

My blog:
http://holinessnotperfection.blogspot.com/
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  #10  
Old 08-17-2009, 02:51 PM
Emmadaisel Emmadaisel is offline
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Unhappy Refused to be a foster carer because we are witnesses

Hi. My husband and I are baptised witnesses living in Wales. We had a visit from social services today as we applied to become foster carers. We mentioned when we first called them that we were witnesses, and they said there was no problem with that. But then the social worker came to interview us today in our home, and as soon as we mentioned we were witnesses, she shut off and said that no parent would want to place their child with a JW family, and that there was no point in progressing our application as we were witnesses, and that its not fair to the children we could potentially foster that we wouldn't celebrate christmas or their birthdays. I said that we'd already thought of this and that we would hope that extended family would celebrate birthdays with the children, or that we would explain why we didn't celebrate and make sure they had lots of other treats and presents to compensate. But she wouldn't have it, said that it was a waste of her time and ours to continue with the interview. I feel cheated. We could offer a loving stable family home, but just because we don't celebrate christmas and birthdays (2 days out of 365) that we won't have that opportunity. Any help and suggestions, as we feel that we have been discriminated against because of our religion, and that this particular social worker does not like witnesses and has decided we are 'no good' without giving us a chance. There are three other familes in our congregation that have fostered and currently foster.
Thanks for reading. Emms.
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  #11  
Old 08-18-2009, 08:23 AM
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anilorak13ska anilorak13ska is offline
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I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would request a different social worker. I'd also look into your area's law regarding discrimination, so you can have that to back up your complaint/request.

During our training, we were asked if we'd be willing to support/encourage the religious practices of the foster kids in our home, namely if we'd be willing to take them to THEIR church/synagogue/mosque/temple. We have no problem with that, as long as we can also take them to our church.

I can sort of see both sides here. As foster parents, it is not your job to pass on your religious morals to a child. Rather, one of the things is to maintain their belief system in tact while they are already separated from their family.

Having said that, it's ridiculous to say that "no family would place their child" with a JW family. These children are being removed from their first family, not placed there voluntarily (for the most part). So really your SW said that SHE wouldn't place HER child with you. That has nothing to do with the needs of the children.

As you say, Christmas and the child's birthday are 2 days of the year. Hardly reason enough to keep the child away the other 363 days! Perhaps you could suggest/request respite care for those occasions, and respite foster parents can then celebrate Christmas and birthdays with the child?

Were you asked and are you willing to take the children to their regular place of worship, if they're already accustomed to one? I think as long as they've got that, celebrating two days or not is minor.

Not sure if this would also help, but my sister-in-law is a Witness, and we generally get presents from her sort of in the general time frame of the celebration, but never quite on the actual day. Not sure if this is a valid way around that, but if it would be for you, you may want to tell the SW that you would "celebrate" these days, and simply do generic gifts before or after the actual day. I hardly think especially little kids will know the difference or care.

No matter what, I think the bottom line is that a child is being removed from a home for much worse than not celebrating a holiday, so the SW needs to get her priorities straight.

Unfortunately, yet another example of a SW NOT interested in the child's best interest.
__________________
married 5/8/2003
Feel free to ask me about our experience with:
~~ Private Domestic Adoption
.....fall throughs w/ 4 bmoms May 2008 - March 2010
~~ Foster Care
.....Baby VV 9/28/09 - 7/28/10 RU w/ mom 9/3/10
.....inquired on many waiting kids in US foster care to no avail Summer 2009 - Fall 2010
~~ International adoption
.....attempted, withdrawn November 2010 - December 2011
~~ Open Embryo Adoption
.....attempted Nov 2011 & April 2012, no take-home baby

Thanks to anonymous embryo donation, we are finally a family of three!
11/25/13

My blog:
http://holinessnotperfection.blogspot.com/
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  #12  
Old 01-27-2010, 03:22 PM
LizTrent LizTrent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmadaisel
Hi. My husband and I are baptised witnesses living in Wales. We had a visit from social services today as we applied to become foster carers. We mentioned when we first called them that we were witnesses, and they said there was no problem with that. But then the social worker came to interview us today in our home, and as soon as we mentioned we were witnesses, she shut off and said that no parent would want to place their child with a JW family, and that there was no point in progressing our application as we were witnesses, and that its not fair to the children we could potentially foster that we wouldn't celebrate christmas or their birthdays. I said that we'd already thought of this and that we would hope that extended family would celebrate birthdays with the children, or that we would explain why we didn't celebrate and make sure they had lots of other treats and presents to compensate. But she wouldn't have it, said that it was a waste of her time and ours to continue with the interview. I feel cheated. We could offer a loving stable family home, but just because we don't celebrate christmas and birthdays (2 days out of 365) that we won't have that opportunity. Any help and suggestions, as we feel that we have been discriminated against because of our religion, and that this particular social worker does not like witnesses and has decided we are 'no good' without giving us a chance. There are three other familes in our congregation that have fostered and currently foster.
Thanks for reading. Emms.
Hi I was very interested in your comments as my own children have recently left home and I’m interested in fostering. I live in Cardiff, South Wales and have recently contacted the local authority and a private fostering company. I was really shocked at the attitude of the social worker who visited you. I agree that you could offer a loving stable family home for prospective foster children, and there are ways around the christmas, birthday issues. With my own children we used to have a present day and also holiday at center parcs in December or January. My children loved visiting center parcs each year, and appreciated that we wouldn’t be able to afford this if we celebrated Christmas. I just wondered if the situation had changed for you. Have you approached another company or authority? I feel you have been treated very unfairly. I hope this has lead to a positive outcome for you and your family and feel that you would make loving foster parents. I hope that when I am visited by a social worker that my family will be treated fairly and in an unprejudiced professional manor. Best wishes Liz
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Old 02-10-2010, 01:14 PM
julesstimpson1965 julesstimpson1965 is offline
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hello there, i am a sister from the uk, i have had positive attitude from the agency that i work with and would love to share experiences on this matter. agape jules
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  #14  
Old 06-06-2010, 02:36 PM
Mommyto? Mommyto? is offline
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Foster to Adopt

Hi I am widowed sister (to be with my hubby in Paradise--Ques from Readers 12/15/55) at present with a private agency here in Charlotte NC where I requested 0-12 placements and have been called for 14-18 yo placements....I've been told the county has 0-5 yo and I feel that age is better so as not to have to deal too much with the "2" holidays they want to celebrate, but when fostering a few years ago we took them to the parties at the agency and they had holiday visits with their families which worked out fine. They still enjoyed all the gatherings we had...you know JW's love to have a good time and love to eat all the various cultural foods our friends make. I made a call to the county to switch from the private agency since the foster situations start at the county level first, their foster parents get first dibs, then they call the private agencies when no one else can take it. They are usually therapeutic situations and they have to pay a higher stipend, so they work hard at not having to do that. Agape
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Old 07-29-2012, 01:46 PM
annasadko annasadko is offline
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jw willing to foster or adopt a child

This is very hard for me. I have been raised in the truth as a child but as I grew older things just fell apart. Its as if satan has found a way to keep me away, and its working becouse I have. I never lost faith or even questioned the truth, I know in my heart JW are closer to jehovah then anyone else. But my situation has changed, I have 2 children(2 girls) one is 7(amilia) and the other just turned 1(mia) and I refuse to to let them suffer becouse they are not raised in the truth. I wish I could do this myself and tryed many many times but like I said satan has a way of complicating not only my life but everyone else around me that I love. He has turned my life inside out, I cant really blame him for everything and I do take responsibility for my actions, but I do not want anyone else to suffer becouse of my past which I cannot fix, a past that will always follow me and a past that satan alway seems to use to keep me quiet. But like I said my situation is a little diffrent now not just becouse I have 2 loving girl but becouse my health has become unreversable. Many would say do what you can keep praying and keep the little once as close to the truth as possible and that is good advise, but please understand that I cannot give my kids what I use to before I became ill. I have no family, no friends, no support system and I no longer attend congrigation meetings. What I am hopping you can see and understand is that I have become physically weak, tiered, overwhelmed and lost. It is very difficult for me to leave the house at times and it breaks my heart that I cannot take my kids to the beach, park or anywhere else kids should love to go. I am litterally taking their child hood away and its killing me inside. One another note I do not want my kids to watch me have good days and bad day or days when I am more ill and cannot get out of bed. I am sure my older daughter is suffering as well seeing her mom always sick. And then again I do not want my kids to wake one day and find that their mother is no longer alive. I think that would litterally distroy my older girl, the last thing I would ever want is for her to see me get worse and eventually slip away. Plus even though everyday I put all I can into getting up and physically taking care of my kids, from feeding to bathing to spending time with them but that is not enough and they diserve more. I do not want my kids to end up in the system(kids with no mom) possibly sepperated and my oldest spending the rest of her child hood without any foster or legal parents. I am trying to get any advise as to what to do. My intensions are to have both of my little girls placed with a loving jw family raised with love and become close to Jehovah, and my intention to do this is before I am gone(soon) but I dont know where to start or whom to ask. I have seperated myself from everyone even JW's so I cant really ask them to help me. I fear that if I am allready gone and my kids are not placed in a good home I fear they will suffer. I guess what I am asking is if their is any way to find help to do this or willing families I can get to know and trust and have proper papers filled while I am still alive.
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