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Originally Posted By James Melton

We had an adoption pretty much set up when the Michigan Familiy Independence Agency (the state welfare agency) stepped in and messed it up. The baby was in our home for a week. Then, the birth mother had a conversation with her social worker at M-FIA who chose then to inform her that she could get extra welfare payments if she kept the child and basically talked her into taking the baby back. The birth mother is 21 years old, has an 11th-grade education, no job and 2 other kids at home (ages 1 and 3). Was it really in the best interest of the mother or of any of the children involved for the state to step in here?

We're sick about it.


I think this kind of interference

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Originally Posted By Sick about it too!

Michigan FIA is into "family reunification", which means they believe it is better to have blood relatives together even if they are warped and abusive beyond belief. Besides, if they send your baby home, they are counting on the mother screwing up the kids life and then going into foster care down the road, which ensures job security for them. Go figure. It's a sick system. We were foster parents for 5 years with FIA in Newaygo co, and after we told them we were interested in adopting the only kids we got calls on were nonadoptables. I have since worked with several FIA workers, and they told me that it is an "unwritten" policy to disuade adoption (one less kid in the foster system, one less foster bed!). We finally decided to go with the "foster to adopt" program at Catholic Social Services (private agency). They are interested in the best interest of the children(imagine that!), unlike FIA. Good luck and God bless you..... consider a private agency! Darwaymac@yahoo.com

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Originally Posted By Neil

Believe me, I've had my share of bad experiences with state agencies. But when it comes to a blanket statement that they should butt out, I disagree.

Has it occurred to you that they probably had/have a statutory obligation to have exactly the discussion they had with the birthmom? I don't know specifically about Michigan, but in the states I'm familiar with, they do.

In fact, in at least some states, if they had FAILED to have the conversation she could come back YEARS later and reclaim the child.

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Originally Posted By Neil

Wow. Don't forget the powerful foster parent lobby, agitating for more kids to get rich off of!

Do you really believe all that? While you were foster parents did you not notice that hardly anybody is around long enough for interest in job security to be an issue?

The focus on family reunification, by the way, is the same in other states because it is mandated by federal law. If you don't like it, I'd suggest trying to change the law rather than shooting the messenger.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By want2beparents@hotmail.com

We just had a similar situation. We had gotten a call from our facilitator about a match in July and got our "son" soon thereafter. He was 3 at the time - his mom is 19 with a baby who is approx 5mos old. After having him in our home and raising him as our son for 4mos - his birthmom changed her mind about adoption...we found out that she had been feeling like she needed to see him and the adoption service provider basically told her that she could change her mind still (we had 19 days left in the waiting period) at this time. Well - within 12hours we were at the State adoption office "giving back" our "son." It was the hardest thing I ever had to do - We miss him terribly. I understand she had her rights,and the asp had to advise her of her choices, but it only confused our "son". Last week he was missing us and she called - when we picked up the phone and heard him call us mommy and daddy and call his bmom by her first name (not mommy like he should) it was heartbreaking. We have been advised to sever all ties with him/her for our own wellbeing as well as his - he needs to know that his bmom is the only one in his life who is to be mommy now. We miss him so bad - his life was not easy with her - they had been homeless, without food, living in a 2bedroom apt at times with 7 people in it - yet...the state here really wants to try to keep the "real" family together. Its heartbreaking for us who want a child of our own and can't have one naturally but have chosen adoption to do so - to hear such things. We pray that he is safe and happy. We will always think of him as our "son" - I am sure you think the same of your baby. Good luck in your adoption search.

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Originally Posted By why why why

I am so sorry for you and your son! The people that make the state laws have no common sense! You know hopefully the bmom will realize what she has done. I wish you peace.

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Originally Posted By Kandi

I can not believe they would wan to send a child back into that life style! We start classes tonight with MN to adopt an older child, I worry about getting approved and the thought of a bmom coming back!

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Originally Posted By Tyler'sBmom8-31-2000(Shannon)

Kandi,
Some birthmoms and some situations may be bad but not all of us are. I think each one is unique and out of fairness should be treated as such. If a bmom simply wants to know the child she gave birth to is safe and loved but doesn't have any desire to intefere there's no harm in that. It can only benefit everyone, especially the child. Now if she's unstable or has had her children taken because of abuse then I agree completely with shutting her out. Just a bmom's opinion.
Hugs,
Shannon

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Originally Posted By father of international adopt daughter

The screwed up system in the US which values genetics above everything else is one reason why we and a lot of other couple don't even consider domestic adoption when we chose to adopt. With international you don't have all that.

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Originally Posted By Laura

I totally agree Shannon. Even though placing my son last December was the best thing, my grieving is only accentuated by the fact that I am held in societies eyes in the same regard as a child molester. I hide the fact that I am a birthmother, because all people hear are the bithmother horror stories, and the rest of us no matter how honest, loving and giving we were are treated like garbage because of these unscrupulous girls. I think adoptive parents in their desperation to have a child, will align themselves with agencies and people that they would not ordinarily have anything to do with. If you go fishing in the bottom of a barrel, your going to catch scum.

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Originally Posted By Laura

God forbid someone dared to educate and inform a birthmother of her rights. Your absolutely right sir. This is no human being your dealing with. She's simply a baby machine put on this planet for the sole purpose to breed for you. Her 11th grade education and lack of finances obviously deem her worthless as anything other than a breed mare for the rich. Wo to the social worker or any other individual who saw her as anything else and dared get in your way.

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Originally Posted By AMEN!

I absolutely agree!

[Kmac]

No one suggested that she was a "baby machine," and no one is suggesting that she is typical of all birthmothers.

And yes, it's possible that with an 11th grade education, no job, and two other young kids at home, that she could still be a good parent.

It just doesn't seem as likely, as a two parent family dying to love and raise a child.

[scarlet52698]

I wondered why so many people were adopting from outside the US. No need to observe constitutional rights abroad

I could go off on this, but what's the point. The old ideas will never change