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A Failed Match From the Eyes of a 5 Year Old Adoptee
There seems to be so many failed matches as of late which has brought back memories that are nearly 1/2 of century old. Ironic it was this timeof year that it happened in my family when I was 5 years old.
I always knew I was adopted and "special" and that some Mommas go to the hospital to get brothers or sisters but for my family we got ours from a social worker.
I was an early in the evening on an October night that an infant baby boy was brought to my house. A total shock to me that I suddenly had a baby brother that I so yearned for. Within and hour a nursery was set up and a doctor on his way to check the baby out. The doctors made housecalls back then. I remember being so excited Momma allowed me to stay home from kindergarten for the next couple of days. I did not want to let my baby brother out of my sight and was eagar to help Mommy care for him.
I went back to school as proud as any new big sister could be and was able to talk about baby siblings that all my classmates had spoke about at one time or another. My whole life was centered around this 7 pound baby boy who I later found out was in pretty bad condition.
I wish I could tell you that there was a "happily ever after" but there wasn't.
As it turned out this baby boy had been severely neglected, underfed and literally filthy upon arriving at my house. My dad in his naive thinking was given the baby by a friend or a friend who agreed to have my family adopt him. Because of the urgency and meeting baby boy's basic needs my Dad agreed to take him home on the spot thinking my Mom could care for him and they would deal with the legalities the next morning or at least get the ball rolling. You have to understand that all my Dad saw was a 2 week old baby that was in need. The following weeks were a mess. The Bmom had several other children severey neglected as well. She was afraid to get the social services involved out of fear her other children would be taken away and losing her welfare check. She continued to stall and would have her friend call telling tales of woe about how she was in need of food and money to care for the other children and my Dad did help her a few times with finances. This went on until he realized that this woman started upping the amount of money. Meanwhile he and Mom had already contacted the authorities.
The baby immediately was taken from our home and the other chidren taken from the Bmom and justifiably so.
I came home from school one day with the same enthusiasm I had to see my baby brother as I did every day for the previous 5 weeks only to find that baby brother was baby brother no longer. I could not understand. These things never happened to all the other children! Their baby brothers didn't just go away one day.
My parents were heartbroken but tried their best to explain in 5 year old terms.
My Mom showed so much restraint in holding back tears while telling me that that was not the baby brother that we were supposed to have and that there was somehow a mistake because that baby belonged to another family.
It did not matter what she said because all I knew was that baby brother I bonded with and loved was gone.
Thanksgiving came and went and I can almost close my eyes and feel an empty vibe in the house, a vibe of loss and sadness though no one had to say a word.
Every night I would say my prayers and pray for a baby brother or sister. My birthday was in early Dec and on my 6th birthday I blew out the candles wishing for a baby brother or sister that would be mine.
These daily prayers and annual birthday wishes went on for the next 2 years. Every star was the same wish too.
I was in the second grade when I was told that I would be meeting that baby brother I had wishes and prayed for so long. He would be a 14 month old boy out of fostercare. I remember filing a box with my favorite toys to share and give to him and showing them to a social worker that came to visit.
By my 8th birthday I had the baby brother that was meant to be mine and that no one would or could ever take away.
It was November 9th forty something years ago that my Brother joined our family and that is when my "happily ever after", answered prayer, brithday candle and shooting star wish came true.
For anyone who has had the unfortunate of failed matches, or a loss of this type I want you to know that I feel your pain loud and clear. I feel the pain of siblings who have had to endure such a loss too. I want to tell you that the pain does subside and I want you to know that it is alright to aknowledge this pain.
I promise you this, that there is a baby out there that is meant to fill your arms and heart and it is my earnest prayer that that baby find your arms.
For me it was my faith in God and prayer that allowed me to hold onto that hope as a little girl with a broken heart. That I somehow knew I would one day have that baby brother.
Today my brother and I are not only siblings but best friends. We both believe that out family wwas meant to be and can only attribute it to God.
About that baby boy that was removed from our home. Well those were the days of closed adoptions. My parents did get the chance to adopt him months later but they declined due to the nature and relationship with the Bmom. He was adopted into a wonderful family recommended by my parents.
In Rememberance of my 3 Brothers in Heaven, who went to live with Jesus before I was born.
EZ - Thank you so much for sharing this story. I know, without going into any detail, how much it hurts to have the child you so hoped to be able to adopt placed with another family.
My story does have a happily ever after ending though because I was able to adopt my son a little over 2 years ago. I have always believed that God knew that he needed me and that is why the adoption was able to go through.
Thank you again.
Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments,
because you know they produce quarrels.
2 Timothy 2:23
AS - S
AS - N
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