[cswhitfield]

Since Labor day our world has turned upside down. We met the birthmother in Mid-August for lunch and we spent 3hours with her. From then on we stayed in constant contact because of working through the process and just to see how each other were doing. We emailed, called, and texted. We cared for her not because of the gift she was giving us but because we really liked her and were open to a semi-open adoption. She went into labor the Friday before Labor Day. We rushed out of town, we dropped our 5 year old son (also adopted)off with relatives and rushed to her bedside. She delivered a beautiful baby girl. On Sunday birthmom was discharged and baby was not, but we stayed in the hospital with our baby hoping to help her eat better. On Labor Day we took her home! We were elated. We held, fed, clothed, changed and loved on her for 6 days and then we got a call from our lawyer that changed everything. The birtmother wanted her back. We had to meet her that day and give her our daughter. That was by far the worst day of our lives. We lost a child! The pain is unbearable! Please help me. We are not doing very well.

[aislinryann]

I understand your pain. Our daughter was taken back from us after two days, a mear two weeks ago today. The pain is terrible, and I can't tell you how to get past it. I've accepted the fact that I can't change what happened, and hope that our baby girl has a good and happy life. I can't tell you that time will heal, because I don't think it will ever heal, but it won't hurt as bad. Know that you aren't alone.

[cswhitfield]

Thank you so much. I am trying to deal with it and talk to anyone that will listen. I emailed and texted the birthmother today for a little more closure and she didn't say much but she did say that when she saw her daughter's smile she just realized she couldn't do it. That helped because it wasn't about us. I did ask when did she come to her decision but she never responded to those questions. I ended the email exchange with please know that we care about you and to call on us if she needed anything. I told her we are praying for her and that I ask that she pray for us. She did say she understood our pain which also was important to me. I needed her to validate my feelings and she did a little. We will move on, but it is hard.

[sugarmuffin]

I am sorry i cannot imagine that kind of pain. God's peace and blessings be with you and your family.

[Linny]

We've not been exactly where you are; but we've encountered the loss of children, that's for sure. Have you considered putting yourselves through any kind of counseling for now? Does your agency offer anything like this?
The pain you are going through was one reason we decided to request 'already born babies'. Agencies really like to talk about an emom and the baby as 'your baby' long before the birth or the paperwork is signed. Just not a good deal to me. Yet, I'm sure it's SO easy to get caught up in and few are there to catch you if a situation fails.
I'm so sorry you're having to feel this pain......and I truly wish adoption wasn't conducted in this way.......(sigh)

Please allow yourself to see this as truly, the loss of a child---because it is to your family. Put yourselves into counseling if you can; and consider trying again. Much like those who experience a miscarriage but go on to get pregnant and have a healthy baby the next time; so your family can take some time to grieve and go on to adopt successfully. Failures are not uncommon and the pain is a very difficult place to be; but please don't let it stop you from trying to adopt again.

Again, I extend my sympathies.

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[TAP]

So sorry. We were exactly where you are. We had our baby for a week. We loved him. The bmom seemed very committed to the adoption. She called after a week, saying she changed her mind. We had to drive 6 hours with our baby to hand him back at a STARBUCKS!!!

I cried and cried and cried .. and for the first time since we were married, my husband cried as well. This was in April.

In May ... we got a call regarding another baby. The adoption went off without a hitch and our wonderful daughter turned 4 months this week.

The pain is still there. I will always wonder about that little boy and I will always love him. But, I now know that we were simply meant to parent a different child and that we are blessed.

I will be thinking of you. I know it is very very hard.

TAP

[cswhitfield]

Wow! At a Starbucks. That is just horrible. Thank you for your note, it really gave me hope. It is nice to know that folks are thinking of me and that I am not alone in my grief. Thank you so much.

[Faithisstrong]

This loss you all have experienced is real. It is grief and it is as if a child has died. That's a hard thing to grasp when you know the child is alive and well, just in someone else's arms. Know this...God is bigger than all of this! As hard as it was for us to have a child ripped out of our arms and given to a different adoptive couple, we know now that that baby was never ours and that God is protecting us. He does the same for each of you. Praying peace on all who suffer tonight.

[cswhitfield]

Well I have an update to the loss I experienced in September. We now have a beautiful baby boy, born Nov. 5! God is good. I eventually trusted God and just let go and he then brought me my beautiful baby boy. Our family is blessed. Thanks for all your well wishes.

[joskids]

So happy to hear this. Life goes on . . . differently. God bless your new Family"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!