[prayn4baby]

I have been reading forums for a while now, but after Sunday I felt I needed to share my experience and get some support b/c I cannot see light at the end...we have been talking to a birthmom for 3 mths. She was due this week, we made our travel arrangements-airline, car, hotel, etc. We were set to leave Sunday afternoon--our social worker called Sunday am to tell us birthmom was at hospital and did not want us to come. We were in total shock, she had pushed for us to come early to visit before the birth and now she was telling us to not come?!?! We immediatly called our facilitator who also was in total shock. She contacted social worker and was informed that this birthmom runs a scam, in fact this was the 5th baby she has done this with; she befriends and takes support from various PAPs then at birth she chooses one from a long list she has & that is who she chooses to adopt her baby!! I was sad, hurt, angry, heartbroken & so many more emotions I cannot list them all.

This is our 2nd failed match, the first the birthmom changed her mind & decided to parent a week before due date. I accepted that, I cannot accept the fact that this birthmom scammed us & no telling how many other PAPs. It infuriates me that she knew of the first failed adoption & how hard it was on us and our children and yet she still proceeded with her scam. Our attorney is checking into filing charges against her, if nothing else hopefully she will not be able to do this to other PAPs.

Has anyone else had this type of experience? If so, how did you survive?:

[loveajax]

I am so sorry that you had to deal with this. It's infathomable to me, honestly. I wish I could give you a crystal ball to see that you will get through this and that you will be a mom to the child that is meant to be yours some day. I know that's trite, but I am thinking of you! Hang in there. I hope some other people who have gone thru something similar can help here.

[sugarmuffin]

I just wanted to say I am sorry!! Hang in there, there is a baby waiting just for you.

Your in my thoughts and prayers

[EZ2Luv]

I am so sorry that you were scammed. This is yet another reason for adoption reform and national laws. All these differnent states with different amouns of Bmom espenses gives these scammers open riegn. I pray that the baby that is meant to be yours finds your arms.

EZ

[WizardofOz]

EZ2Luv - totally agree with you on the need of an adoption reform.

I was told that private domestic adoption is the second largest non-regulated market in the United States. Judging from the amount of scammers increasing, especially in this economy, and the amount of "birthmother expenses/postpartum support" (for which there is usually no real justification) prospective adoptive parents are expected to pay these days, I think things really got out of control and there is a need of proper legislation. I just aske myself when some legislators realize that is going on and take action.

prayn4baby - so sorry you got scammed. It is unbelievable how heartless some people can be, I got so angry to read your post! I hope that you will have your baby real soon in your arms.

[kelceesmom]

When we pursued our adoption we had a failed match and were scammed. We brought home 6 week old twin girls. We had them with us a week. The mom partied on us for a week to the tune of $1000. And after she wanted the baby back she still wanted money from us and would "pay" us back later.

The one thing we were able to take from that terrible experience was that we were on the right path for us. Our hearts were broken but knew we were doing the right thing. 2 month later we were matched again and our beautiful baby girl was born 4 months after that. I still think of the girls from time to time and hope that they are safe and loved. But, now I have my beautiful 4 year old to love.

It is hard to work thru the pain but no one ever said adoption was easy. I pray for those that have difficult roads. Stay strong and keep looking forward.

[bldgafamily]

My husband and I are both adoptees and have always wanted to build our family through adoption. We were recently selected and matched up with birthparents of triplets, that were due in the next month or so. Over a few weeks and a lot of money, we have now learned the woman is not even pregnant and has run. We, as adoptive parents, were totally not protected in this situation. We are new to this, and never assumed we would have to question someone "have you actually seen an ultrasound with 3 babies?" before you contacted us, let us "match", and accepted money from us? We have learned a very painful and expensive lesson for prospective adoptive parents- even when you hire an agency to help you, you really are the only ones looking out for you. You cannot leave it to anyone else- even if they are the professionals. We will not let this happen to us again- and this will most likely make any future match with us very difficult, since we now have our own "rules" we will follow before agreeing to anything or sending any money. Best of luck to all other prospective parents out there.

[Magic_Hat]

I'm so sorry for those of you that have been scammed! It makes my blood boil to hear about it.

Bldgafamily, I don't think you will be difficult to match with just because you don't want to offer support before proof of pregnancy. There's a lot of debate and passionate feelings on whether money should exchange hands AT ALL and of course you can't control whether someone who really is pregnant scams you or simply decides to parent after accepting expenses. But IMO no money should be paid out w/o proof of pregnancy. And if this happened to you through an agency, I would seriously reconsider using that agency.

[prayn4baby]

We have adopted a baby boy born 7-31-09. We are signing final consents on Monday. Since we had experienced being scammed we informed birth parents upfront that we could only provide post partum expenses. This worked fine for us since she was due only 6 days from us being matched. It was a long, painful experience but we wouldn't trade any of it, all it took was holding our son for the 1st time.

[irelady10]

That is such great news!! Congratulations

[saj]

Thank you for the update. Love those happy endings.