[ariyizzyjess]

Hi my name is Jessica, I have a 3 year old daughter with a guy I had a brief sexual relationship with. I do not believe in abortion, yet when I told him I was pregnant he threatened me said i better have abortion or else. told me he was going to have someone shoot me in the stomach, he was gonna take my baby, he wanted nothing to do with me or my kid and so on so forth. I stopped speaking with him in Jan. 05 my daughter was born premature in june 05.he filed for paternity when i was pregnant april of 05. I called him probably 6 times over the 3 years, the first call from the hospital the day she was born he said he didnt want anything to do with me or her, i better not call him at work again because he was going to have me arrested and i better not think he is supporting my kid. I was afraid of him everytime i called he would slam phone up on me. I needed to go to social service for help but i recieved a domestic violence order to prevent them from persuing support from him. well when my daughter was 1 I met my soon to be husband he has been the only father she has ever known eric is daddy to her. My ex filed for paternity in may of 08, he was proven 99.9% the father. we have talked and he has continued to lie and make excuses i had tried to reach a settlement with him giving him 2 visits supervised per month, i retain sole custody and his parents can partake in visits he consents to me moving to PA with my fiancee. so under the impression we had and agreement i granted him 2 visits with my daughter. when i sent the agreement to his lawyer it all changed. he wants to decide on his own when its ok for him to be alone with her, he wants joint custody, he wants jurisdiction of the case to stay in ny even after I move. so needless to say we dont have an agreement. I want to persue a contested adoption because he wont consent but Im not sure my case stands a chance and he has a lot more money than me what if i spend all this money and im worse off then before? I have no proof of his threats it was years ago. he has never paid a dime in support and still now i feel he is munipulating me and i dont know if i can fight him. i just want my baby safe i know how mean he can be and im afraid for her. we are a family my 2 daughter eric and i. Can i beat her bio dad??? any help pleaseeeeeeee

[joskids]

Contact an attorney.

[KLL08]

I agree with the previous post, contact an attorney. If you did have a domestic violence protective order before that may help you in this custody case. Best wishes!

[jp4ga]

Sorry to say this but all you can do is contact an attorney. From this point on you need to keep a log of all contact and what was said. Do not delete any voice mail or text messages that you receive from him. Hopfully in the end it will work out for everyone involved.

[Hadley2]

If you look for an attorney, look for ones with a family law practice, adoption a big plus. Call a bunch. Ask about their family law practice and adoption experience, specifically contested adoptions. Ask which courts they usually appear in--you want one that knows your particular family court well. Then always ask for a free consultation. Many will give you a half hour or so. Schedule it as a phone or face-to-face appointment. Write down before the consultation the bare bones of the issues so that you spend as little time as possible talking...you want to hear what they have to say--listen to the lawyer and take notes on their advice, but also pay attention to which ones seem to really know what they are talking about and are specific and concrete in what they say and which ones are vague, seem to speak above you, basically don't tell you anything useful about what you can do or they can do for you. Also pay attention to which ones you feel comfortable with. Finally, find out how they charge--many will want a retainer then charge by the hour against that--phone calls count, so watch how often you contact them--and charge for costs like copying (they will copy you on everything and charge you for it) and mailing, transcribing, filing, etc.

It sounds as if you might be able to present a case for abandonment. You can, and should, check your state laws on "grounds for termination of parental rights" before you speak to an attorney so that you are on the same page as the attorney and don't waste so much time. Even with an attorney, you need to educate yourself--the attorney represents you, but it is your life, not his or hers, that is going to be changed one way or the other and ultimately you will be responsible for the actions taken in your name.

ETA: Try to avoid speaking with your ex as much as possible, and for sure don't say challenging things like, "oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna get a lawyer and...." Get yourself an attorney and then turn communications over.

Good luck. I hope your little family stays safe and happy.