[julie23]

we have had our baby since the moment she was born and she is now 3.5 months old... this is a relative adoption and the birthmother is very happy with her choice...

the birthfather has expressed his desire to raise the baby... at this point it is not a disrupted adoption... it is not even a contested adoption... he is responsible to file papers with the court and he has not done so, therefore the adoption is continuing...

my cousin absolutely does not want the birthfather to have the baby.... i think this is fairly common among birthmothers... they have chosen an adoptive family and a better life for their baby, and don't want that disrupted... and the baby ending up with the birthfather...

at this point, we are just waiting for him to do what he has to do... one step at a time...

but i have just heard from family... my OWN family... and the birthmothers family.... that there is an opinion among family members who do NOT even speak to me or the birthmother... that the birthfather has a right to this baby...

now... what bugs me the most, is that these people are gossiping about me... which is common amongst them... and it is really annoying that they are commenting on something they know NOTHING about... they don't even speak to me.... they know NOTHING about adoption... or how any of this works ... but they have an opinion....

we are in a very difficult situation... if the birthfather disrupts the adoption, the birthmothers rights kick back in and then THEY have to fight for custody of the baby... in the meantime, the baby has completely attached to me... and will be at high risk for attachment disorders if she is moved... and if somehow, he does get the baby, she will grow up without any contact from her biological mother (geography, bad feelings, and money would cause this)... and that just breaks my heart to no end....

it is all so sad... instead of being supportive... these people are nothing but critical and judgmental...

i wish i could just shake it off.... but it gets under my skin...

j

[Jackiejdajda]

The lesson just keeps showing up.. asking to be resolved..

I say tell them they know not what they do.. and let it go..

Dysfunctional families.. and making sure you are part of the dysfunction..

What is wrong with knowing you know what you are doing and supporting you.. you the family member.. Knowing you know a lot more about this then they do..

Obviously they would rather do a critique.. easier..

I have read many letters from potential birthmoms that do not want the father of their baby to parent.. and IMO they have reasons.. and heck the law is the law and the father of the baby has his rights and all he has to do is follow through.. and if he is not following through then IMO this shows his real desires.. If you want something you work for it..

And the baby is so important in all this.. the baby is growing and learning and changing...

Jackie

[julie23]

I have read many letters from potential birthmoms that do not want the father of their baby to parent.. and IMO they have reasons.. and heck the law is the law and the father of the baby has his rights and all he has to do is follow through.. and if he is not following through then IMO this shows his real desires.. If you want something you work for it..

even our social worker made the comment (I think in adoption class)... that who knows the birthfather better than the birthmother? sometimes we have to trust the birthmother...

i can't shake the feeling of being uncomfortable fighting a biological parent... and in truth, i am glad that we are actually not fighting him, yet...

it's really is as simple as he has to do what the court said... and then he has to fight the birthmother ... not us... (we would certainly help the birthmother retain custody, though)

my husband and I are seriously considering moving the birthmother and her children here, near us. i am going out with a realtor on Friday to look at houses... fortunately, the cost of living here is very reasonable.. plus, it's a good time to buy a house...

anyhow... i am just looking... but i can't shake the feeling that part of this adoption saga is about us helping the birthmother..... that could just be my baggage.... but i am not so sure.

julie

[Jackiejdajda]

i can't shake the feeling of being uncomfortable fighting a biological parent... and in truth, i am glad that we are actually not fighting him, yet...

Its about the baby.. the child..

... but i can't shake the feeling that part of this adoption saga is about us helping the birthmother..... that could just be my baggage.... but i am not so sure.

We change and evolve as humans..
I know what happened to us is not the answer..

Jackie