[Asha0314]

Jeremiah,
I am so sorry. I have not experienced this particular type of loss but I am sure the pain you feel now will lessen as time passes.

There IS light at the end of the tunnel.

[jgs]

We had a failed adoption. We're miltary and it was heck getting the military to work with a birthmom schedule and delivery dates etc. She changed her mind at the hospital. We we're devastated! No one knew either. Nurse and attorneys thought all was fine with the adoption but when we got there, no go. We lost $6000.00 and we had traveled with our son to her across state lines. Very hard to explain to little boy why your not bringing his "little brother" home. I know some might feel that this isn't the same as when your childless, seeing we had a son but I had secondary infertility and my husband was my son's adoptive dad. My son is from a previous marriage. So my husband hadn't experienced age 1-6 and we hadn't parented together at the time for very long.

We felt cheated out of our money for living expenses and it's hard when you have to save the money all over again. We got calls for a couple of possibilities after the situation but we didn't have the money to say yes which made me so angry. She took "our son" and she took our shot to try again. It took us a couple of years to financially regroup.

It's exhausting and trying but hang in there it will happen. But grieve. It hurts. Allow it to happen. I usually just read and don't write often but these forums are great and comforting. We'll all be here.

Take care

[supersadmom]

Originally Posted by Madison1

We are in the process of adoption our daughter, we have had her since she was 2 days old. This has been in the process since bio mom was 3 months pregnant. now mom put in for Termination of adoption. We are devastated. My husband is getting ready to be deployed in June for the 2nd time. So I will be doing this by myself. Im so scared!!!! We are doing this thru Texas. Mom is in Federal Prison for 10 years. Can anyone give help?

i am in texas, have had morgan since she was three days old, both parents signed voluntary relinquishment of rights. my husband is in iraq, unable to get fingerprints done; i was scheduled to go to court Thursday to TPR, got revocation of TPR from birth parents lawyer today, even though they cannot revoke for 60 days. i am about to die. i am just holding her cryimg because i don't think i will win. amy precedents, hope?

[supersadmom]

[quote=supersadmom]i am in texas, have had morgan since she was three days old, both parents signed voluntary relinquishment of rights. my husband is in iraq, unable to get fingerprints done; i was scheduled to go to court Thursday to TPR, got revocation of TPR from birth parents lawyer today, even though they cannot revoke for 60 days. i am about to die. i am just holding her cryimg because i don't think i will win. any precedents, hope? ths hurts so bad

[laughterkt]

I am so, so sorry to hear bparents are revoking the TPR. We had a little boy for about 5 days....and returned him the day after Christmas. Hang in there. I know that sounds "cliche"......but we got our little girl the same week we had to take him back.
I will pray this works out for you.

[dklevy]

I'm a birthmother but I still cried for all of you as I read this. Yes I carried her for 9 months but I couldn't imagine loosing an infant you cared for for even a few days. SE's parents had a failed adoption before we were matched. I felt so bad for them. But now they've had her for 11 years. I hope all of you find your matches and that it helps lessen the hurt you feel now.

[Stormster]

It happened to us too. I don't think we were scammed but the pain was UNBEARABLE. I now believe that I fell in love with that baby and bonded to him deeply immediately and in order to give up that part of myself I became his mother for that short time with every ounce of my heart. Knowing his birth mother wanted to go through with the adoption plan made it worse as her dead beat ex boyfriend is the one who blocked it. Filled their fridge, bought them EVERYTHING a new mom could need and turned on their electricity ....i left my son HE WAS MY SON IN MY HEART.....in a very bad situation and it broke me.

I happen to be very resilient but even I had trouble bonding with E because of all this. It STINKS it hurts like hell and nobody can diminish the loss because it is like a death. I can't explain how bonded I was to that baby but I had something that smelled like him and I sobbed into it for weeks.

I can honestly say I'm over it now but it took a long time. What helped me was knowing he had brothers he would be raised with. And also, I didn't want a messy start to our adoption so convinced myself a more "pure" situation was around the corner and I was right!

I did not have to deal with the anger of a scam (that time!) but all I can say is I'm sorry and if you ever want to talk you can PM me and I'll help you any way I can (while time does it's thing too)

Feel better. It will get better I promise.

[NC_Couple]

Originally Posted by cindyinnc

My husband and I were part of a failed independent adoption that just fell apart yesterday. We are both knew that this could happen. That does not change how we feel at this point. We basically feel totally scammed, hurt, betrayed, and shocked. We had been at the hospital non-stop for two weeks and were there for the birth. We bonded, held, and fed him....he is so precious. We are so worried about him. Bmom has nowhere to live, has nothing for him, etc. It is just such a sad situation. I am just not doing well at all with this. Everytime I think I am okay I start crying all over thinking about him and how he will be. Has anyone ever felt this way? I wish there were a way I could make sure he will always be safe, but have no clue how to do it. I also know that bmoms have rights and I respect that. I just can not understand this whole situation and how the poor child has to be a victim. Please let me know your thoughts, ideas, etc of how to cope with all of this.

Thanks
Cindy

Same thing happened to us, we are so hurt and lost

[kkmomto2]

Our son's 16 yo birthmom changed her mind 3 weeks before he was born. Nursery was decorated, we had met, connected ... we were ready. We were devastated!! But let her know that we were ALWAYS here as a resource for her, if things changed.

3 weeks later we got call via our attorney, saying she was overwhelmed and couldn't parent. 4 days later, our son was placed in our arms. 16 years later - he's a fine young man, with a texting and email relationship with both his birthmom & 15 yo half bio sister. We went through a very similiar situation when we adopted our daughter nearly 4 years later. Don't lose your focus. Your baby is waiting for you, keep the faith.

Please don't give up. Patience, persistence and perserverance - they are key to waiting it out until YOUR BABY is in your arms.

[NC_Couple]

I'm glad it worked out for you. We lost all our money, and worse of all, our son. I kills me that he was denied all the oppertunities we could have given him, and now has no family, an uneducated mother with no job, car, or future.

Our adoption agency has blown us off, and I have no faith in them ever matching us again.

[crick]

NC, I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you find the support here you need as you work through this

[bldgafamily]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband and I just learned a few days ago that our entire match with a birthmother is a fraud and she is now on the run. We are so disappointed, sad, hurt, and angry. It has only been a few days, but I have been unable to get past my feelings and can't stop crying. This is affecting my work, since I am at home again, and I just want it to end. My husband and I are going for a counseling appointment this afternoon with a counselor that specializes in adoptions and family issues. We hope talking it through with someone will give us the validation for our feelings and help us trust again and move forward. Good luck with getting through your pain- maybe consider meeting with a counselor to help you through these feelings.