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Originally Posted By pearl

What exactly counts as a failed adoption? We've been chosen 3 times, & 3 times the birthmom changed her mind & decided to parent. We never got to meet the parents, or read their profiles, so we at least didn't get that involved-so does that count? When I read some of the stories on this board, a lot of what they say & feel I understand. For me, what hurts isn't the fact that mom changed her mind-I'm happy for the family. I just wish I hadn't known til everything was finished. It's the ups & downs that hurt so much. I cannot imagine how I could go on after having a child taken from me. All of you who have lived through that are in my prayers. I had no idea how hard this was going to be. I wish I'd read some of these boards before I jumped into it so optimistically. The reality of the adoption process is a lot different than I had thought.

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Originally Posted By Claire

We suffered a failed adoption in March. The birthmom changed her mind within 24 hrs. Today, we got a call, telling us of a new situation. We are excited, but scared. My def. of a failed adoption is when you have the baby in your home and then that is disrupted. I wish you well and hold faith that you will have that baby to love in your arms very soon!

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

I dissagree with Claires post which says that a failed adoption is one in which the baby is in the ahome first. I think that Pearl has also suffered the rollercoaster of emotion & my heart goes out to her.Yes Pearl,your post counts.The adoption world is here to support you & help you through this.

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Originally Posted By julie

its any adoption that doesnt go through. like for instance if your chosen and the birthparents change their mind before the baby is born or after the baby is born or when the child is in the aparents home. its any adoption that doesnt go through

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Claire's post is her story, lets not discredit that!

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Originally Posted By angelsmom

There are 2 different situation that can occur. Failed placement-which is being "chosen" then bmom changes her mind before or after deliv but before baby placed with aparents. Failed adoption or failed placement is when the baby is actually placed with the aparents and bmom changes her mind before signing surrender. We had a failed match where we were chosen then it fell apart d/t "red flags", we then had a baby girl placed with us for 3 days then taken back when bmom changed her mind. Both are emotionally difficult but I can say the failed placement was by far the hardest thing I've every been thru and wish no one this type of pain.

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Originally Posted By Birthmother

All birthmothers have felt the same pain, only worse.

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Originally Posted By Paul

Amen.