[beatrix]

We lost an adoption a couple weeks ago. It was a whirlwind deal, and the whole thing took place over a few days, so I can't imagine how bad the pain must be for those of you who have lost the baby after months.

I feel like this whole adoption system treats us like CASH COWS. We have to smile no matter the circumstances, shut up, speak nicely, and, above all, hand over the cash when asked.

I feel we get zip for respect and consideration...and are asked to hand over even more cash after our hearts were broken. Our pain matters to nobody in this business but us. And it is just that. A business.

Am I alone in this??

[nixe1597]

First of all, I am really really sorry for you. Our baby will be born in some days, but we are so afraid that it is not going to happen.

I feel the same way like you. We did not have a failed match, but I think that it is all about cash. The whole adoption industry only sees money. The only persons they are in it with their heart and soul are emoms and adoptive parents. Agencies and lawers only see the money, and they do not care about how much you have or if it was a failed match or not. Sure, they tell you how sorry they are, but at the end they want to get paid. In my opinion, the costs for adoptions are much to high for no reason.

[BrandyHagz]

You're not alone. There are many first parents who feel the same as you do in regards to the money that adoptive families have to pay...often times even before a service has been provided.

You're also not alone on the pain aspect...I'm sorry you're hurting! Give yourself time to deal with the pain...talk about it - there are those of us who do and will listen!

[fearoflight]

I sure can relate! You are most definitely not alone! Your pain matters to me. I am so sorry to hear about your failed match. It really really hurts. Sometimes, I feel like I am going crazy with sadness.

My eyes have certainly been opened throughout this process and I have to say I am very disappointed with my agency's responsiveness during this time as well as their fees--most of which are paid in advance, by the way. I feel what we hear before we sign up is so very different that what we hear afterward.

We have to smile no matter the circumstances, shut up, speak nicely, and, above all, hand over the cash when asked.

I feel like this, too. Just a tiny bit of kindheartedness and respect would ease so much of the pain. Overall, I am so disgusted with the whole process and I am feeling very negative. If we hadn't already paid so much money to our agency, I would leave and possibly go with the agency that represented our previous expectant mom. I have had to call them a couple of times after everything fell apart. I have to say that there are some gems within adoption agencies and there are some workers there who really take a few minutes to listen to you and truly understand the personal aspect of this whole process. I made sure to let her know that the few minutes she spent talking with me made a mountain of difference.

Unfortunately, even if you do what you think is thorough research, there is still stuff you just don't know until you are in the middle of it.

You may hear this all the time and I do, too, but hang in there and try to stay strong.

[Linny]

It does stink; and I believe it IS too much a business thing. There aren't enough cw'ers who care enough, understand the process and able to steer couples away from dishonest and money-grubbing people/agencies.

Which is why it's sooo important for those of us who've been down the road, or have some tips for newbies, to SHARE them with others. There shouldn't be any competition, IMO, this is a God thing. And, even though the fees keep raising and more people feel they have to put their hands out for more $$.......there ARE still some honest people willing to help.

Believe me, I'm not downplaying the ridiculousness of this process at all. It's all too very one sided in so many ways. It can also be just down right discriminatory too.......but jump through the hoops we have to do, in order to fulfill a dream to have our babies.

One step at a time. One day at a time. You'll get there. Persevere. Stay steady. Your baby will come, believe me.

Sincerely,

Linny

[JPDakota]

Been there, too. This much I know - if you weren't tough, determined and focused before you began your adoption journey, you will be by the time you're done and have your child home.
Focus, determination and mental toughness. It will happen.

[nic27pat]

I am one more person who knows what you are talking about. My husband and I have had multiple failed adoptions and we have given up on ever being parents. Every time it seems like the only response we get is "You knew not to get your hopes up". It makes me feel so much better to hear that there are other people going through this.

I hope that you feel at least a little better after hearing that you are not alone. I really hope that something wonderful will happen to you very soon.