[laughterkt]

Hi ladies. I don't post very often. I just wanted to get support from those of you have been where we have.
We just had our third failed match within a year. I feel at times that I am going crazy, and that I cannot go on.
How do you get through it? I rely much on my faith and prayer, but even through all of that...you feel what you feel...and you have to let yourself go through the process.
It is hard to remember that I am not the one in control....that my path is different from those around me and to NOT compare my life with others......
Sometimes the roller coaster of adoption is overwhelming.
Just needing a little support....thanks ladies!

[joskids]

Please remind yourself, as often as you are able, that if you DON'T go on, a placement will not be possible. And please hang in there. I've known so many families that were ready to quit trying and weeks (sometimes days) later, they were placed with their forever child.

[laughterkt]

Josie----You are right. Thanks for the encouraging words!

[Linny]

It is hard to remember that I am not the one in control....that my path is different from those around me and to NOT compare my life with others......

Well.....I suppose you aren't. But truthfully, no one else is 'in control' of when they'll get their baby either, KWIM? And I mean BIRTH and adoptive mommas. Some people just like to 'think' they're in control.....when that's not really the case.

So, 'okay', you say, big deal? Well....it IS a big deal because I'll tell ya what: You mention that your faith helps you get through these times. And, when you think that faith is wearing thin....think Faith once more.
I say that, because in our family, we went through the most horrifying event two years ago. And, just hours after this, we were offered a baby. No match, just a baby that was ready for adoption.
We'd been waiting for another baby for over a year.......and NOW, there was NO way we could accept this baby.
In fact, we thought it very possible we'd never have another baby---AT ALL.

But, while those months (9-10) were some of the darkest days of my life.........we DID get through them. And, less than one year after that event, we were back on track, and just within that year, we were bringing home a baby....a baby that was only a few days old!

DON'T give up! Don't think that because there've been dark times, this will never happen!!! There is one family on the transracial adoption forum who felt they would NEVER get their baby. They DID...and they just finalized! It DOES happen. And while the timing might not be what we think it should be---it WILL happen to those who persevere.

I don't know what type of baby you're looking for, but I would encourage you to deal with more than one agency/attorney in your pursuit. Just don't give up! God is listening...He cares and it will come about in His timing.

And when it does....because, as our adoption attorney says, 'it's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of 'WHEN'.......

Believe me, IT WILL HAPPEN! Our family is living proof on more than one account!!!! ((((HUGS))))

Sincerely,

Linny

[laughterkt]

Linny----
Thank you so much for your words of inspiration and kindness. It is great to be reminded of the "WHEN" we get our baby...not "IF"......
I love to hear the stories of people's journeys. It really does help me get through those dark times...
Thanks for sharing your experience.

[beatrix]

Laughterk, I'm a newby here...first match, first crushing disappointment when she kept it. I'm still stunned and angry, but it's getting better.
My advice comes straight from my therapist (five years ago, did I think I'd ever be on the couch??!).

Simply: It's okay to feel however you feel. It's okay to have bad days. If you snap at people, they will be allright. It's even understood that you can be mad at God. You wouldn't be the first or the last. God bless you and repay your pain with abundance.

[kelceesmom]

This is such a difficult road to go down. If you aren't strong to begin you might want to rethink it all together. God has a purpose for all of us. We had the priviledge of having twin girls with us for a week. The bmom decided to parent. We were crushed, angry, sad, scared, and very lonely without them. What we got to take away from our painful ending was a new beginning that we were on the right path. God wanted us to know this I truely believe. We got to love these girls and keep them safe if only for a week. They taught us that we were on the right path. 6 months later our beautiful daughter was born and our house became a home and our relationship became a family. We still grieve the loss of the twins and think about the what ifs from time to time. It is all in God's time and your time will come. Stay strong.

[amyfk]

Dear Laughterkt,

I can FEEL for you! I hope the pain gets easier.
I dont know what your finances or ideas are, but have you considered international adoption? In doing an international adoption there is much smaller chance of a birthmother changing her mind and parenting.
The main thing is that with international, you have to do your homework. Countries come and go and things can change. But there are now a few stable adopting nations. It may be something to consider.
Best of luck to you and feel better,
Amy K, NJ

[laughterkt]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and advice and prayers.
We are just looking forward to spending a great Thanksgiving with our family and taking it a day at a time!

[Ann07]

There is a country song called Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks. Every time I hear it I find myself crying. My husband and I suffered through infertility and the difficultly of not being matched. But when you finially meet your child you will be thankful that you had failed matches, if you wouldn't have you wouldn't have the child that is meant for you.

The song is not about adoption it is actually about a highschool sweetheart that a man prayed that he would end up with, then he looks at his current wife and thanks god that he lead him to her. It has alot of meaning for me.

[laughterkt]

Haven't posted on this thread in a while. We have been slowly dealing with the grief of this third match not working out. Some days are better than others....but we are moving on and keeping faith that there is a plan. We just have to wait.

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!
Katie

[kelceesmom]

Katie,
I'm sorry for your loss. It is especially hard this tiime of year for some reason. You are strong and you will survive this also. Grieving is a huge part of being able to move forward so please allow yourself that time. I don't have any words of wisdom but many of us have been where you are at and understand. Take care of yourself.

[JPDakota]

Hi, Katie!
Our little one is fast asleep for her nap. DD came to us at 4 days old after I had basically given up all hope. I had actually forgotten that we had registered with the agency that called me one day at work. We were out of energy and money and we felt like our souls couldn't take one more heartbreak. I can't tell you I know how you feel, because I don't. No one can. But I know the kind of grief your talking about. Bad things sometimes happen to good people, but good things do, too. Keep following your heart and the Lord and good things will happen. Best wishes!