[hopefulmommie2b]

We are matched with a birthmother due in 7 weeks. We met her for the first time today, she seems very committed as she has placed before and has a long history of legal problems including stints in prison for various charges. We have no doubt she will place, our issue is with the birthfather. He seems very unsure about the decision, and seems like he may contest. This is in California. He too has a laundry list of felonies, and is on parole. His latest stay in prison was for domestic violence involving the birthmother, as well as drug charges. His mother is also trying to convince him to keep the baby. We are concerned, but our attorney assures us our fears are unfounded since birthfather has not supported birthmother during pregnancy (we have) and since he actually physically harmed her while she was pregnant. Our attorney states his rights can be terminated, and even if he did contest most likely a judge would find it in the best interest of the child to be placed with us. Are our fears unfounded, or should we re-think this match before it's too late? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Jaefer]

We had a birthfather contest our adoption. I am not sure what CA law states but we adopted from CA and finalized in KS and KS law states that if you did not support the mother for 6 months prior to the birth of the baby, then you have no rights. That is what got us through. I hope CA is as firm on this as KS is. You are in my prayers. Good luck!

Jennifer

[butpatiently]

I'm in a contested adoption too. I don't know what CA law is, but based on his history I would think you are pretty safe to pursue it. My best advice is to petition to adopt ASAP. Finalize ASAP. Consult an attorney and see if you can get his rights terminated before birth. Check the putative father registry in your state often if you have one. PM me if you need anything or just need to "talk."

[joskids]

"ButPatiently" WONDERFUL advice on the "Petition to Adopt". I should have remembered that as it is what, in the end, saved our contested adoption, that biofather did not file objection with the court until AFTER our Petition was filed. Phew!!!!!

[daddysangel]

It is very tough for me to read your post and say anything because my case creeps into my head and I would not want to say anything that would make you walk away. Every case is different.
However with a name as Hopefulmommie2b I think it is already to late.If you walk away it will break your heart and if you stick with it and he does contest and win it will break your heart.
With what we are going through I found the easiest way is to look up and say " OK GOD I have no idea what you are doing and where you are taking us,but as long as you stay I will stay to".
Our angel so far is still with us but we have had our hearts broken many times in the last few years so ya just never know.
I feel now that we are just along for the ride and what ever GOD has planed it will all work out in the end.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

GOD BLESS

[Stormster]

I myself have fought against two birth father's with all my might using every law, loophole and logic in order to adopt his child. These are the things I have learned.

1. I don't know about your state but it's not so simple to determine abandonment. There are registries, issues like hidden pregnancies, not being able to locate mom and/or finding out later that yes he did drive her to the doctor once or buy a box of pampers. All of which negate abandonment.
2. Again, I don't know about your state but the only reason men automatically lose their rights is if they are mentally incompetent or have injured, molested or killed another one of HIS children. He can be languishing in Prison for life for the murder of someone else and his parental rights are inact. I'm not kidding.
3. Find out in advance if there are any other family members on his side who can afford a legal battle or would like to adopt the baby (even against her wishes).

these are all things that have happened to us. I hope it is a clear case of abandonment but if it is not, you might want to consider what you will say to your child in later years when he asks why his father didn't want to raise him.

I would not walk away from this but I would have wanted someone, anyone to tell me these issues were even possibilites so I would not be blindsided.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

[hopefulmommie2b]

Thanks for all the advice and well wishes. We decided we were in too deep to walk away from this match. We now have 3 weeks until EDD. Emom has been less chatty lately, and is now being completely evasive with regard to a hospital plan. We have been asking for weeks if she wants us at the hospital, wants to care for baby, name baby, etc, and all we get is "I haven't thought about that yet." Well, in my mind, it's time to think about it and make decisions already. She is back living in a motel (paid for by us, of course) with potential birthfather shacking up with her there. He says he will sign consent, but has ditched the attorney the past 2 times he has gone to meet with him. We need to decide if it's worth it to drop another load of cash for the social worker to meet with them (California requires a visit from an "adoption service provider" before birth). Does anyone have any experience with a similar situation? Our son's adoption was a nightmare, but both parents consented and kept in touch pretty regularly. We are not used to a week or 2 with no contact, unless it's to ask for $$. Any advice would be greatly appreciated...we just keep praying God will guide us in the right direction.

[RavenSong]

Are you working with an agency, or are you only using an attorney? I would probably have a better gut feeling about this if you and the emom are working with an agency.

I don't know, but this just feels bad to me. If she's due in three weeks, that could be any day now. The evasiveness would bother me, too. And I HATE that you and your husband are paying her motel expenses. IMHO, there's a lot to be worried about in this situation. Especially since both she and her boyfriend have been in and out of prison.

I wish I could be more positive sounding, but this just feels wrong for some reason.

[lonni]

I would not do this.JMO