[StacyKelly2]

We are in a contested adoption for now 22 months. I am just curious as to the laws of tpr or abandonment. The birth father filed when the baby was about a month or so old for contesting the adoption. Since that time dna testing was required, and was done and was found for him to be the biological father. He has wavered in his decision from wanting the baby, to us re-drawing up the paperwork since he wanted to sign off..which never happened. To him agreeing for open adoption..to then 2 weeks later changing his mind. In the 22 months he saw the baby once. Wouldn't he have to show some sort of effort to get this into court during all this time? Since he did contest the adoption and that is what it shows at court would the timeframe not play a part in the judges decision? I find it hard to believe that since this birth father has known of this hopeful adoption and has had more then adequate time to get this into court? Where does our angel stand in all of this????

[sadiegirl]

Stacy,

What are your state laws? What does your atty say? I would ask him/her.

There has to be SOME sort of time frame that BF has to do something by such and such date. I cannot believe that you (not you personally!) can just leave this hanging like this with no finalization.

I am pretty sure Jaefer has to wait a year, is that right J?

I would definitely be hounding your atty to get to the bottom of this and soon. (Maybe you've already done that?) But surely they would know some sort of statute of limitations at least.

((HUGS)). We've been through this h*ll and lived. You will get there too, I just know it. Just keep hanging on.

[joskids]

He would have a year to show REAL interest, in other words, visits, $$$ assistance, emotional assistance to birthmother during the pregnancy. If he had not contributed a single cent in the year, it would be done and the judge would finalize the adoption. Every state is so different, though, and even every court in the same state but different counties is different. I can't imagine this finalization isn't going to happen for you. He's done nothing in all this time? It's obvious he's not interested in your child. He's interested in how he looks. I hate to bring up the Anna Nicole thing because personally I'm getting tired of all the c--p going on even in the courtroom but, seriously, who is even CONSIDERING the best interest of this child? If anything, though, I think it is proving what a sham our court system can be when it comes to custody issues. I hope many take notice. I think they need to contribute whatever money is in that child's name to a worthwhile charity and find a family who is more concerned about raising a drug-exposed child with the best intentions and not an interest in $$$. Geesh, it's so sad it makes me want to cry.

Hugs, girl . . .

Josie

[Trawyn]

In Alabama, if there is no contact made in three months time, then TPR can be filed based on abandonment. Not sure how it works if it's contested.

[StacyKelly2]

I just hear so many different things about what can happen that it just scares me. I would think logically that it is so clear this guy shows no commitment or desire for our angel, however I am so afraid the final saying could be well he did contest this adoption in the beginning. All my attorney says is the longer we have our angel the better. Sometimes I feel since he is the biological father that a judge will automatically still give him his rights. I sometimes think this is claerly a control issue...but meanwhile we are living with worry everday. I get angry for the fact this is clearly not fair to our little angel, we are all he knows.
This is what I found for our state...when consent is not needed...
The child has been out of the parent's custody for 1 year, and is in the custody of a child-placing agency.
The child has been out of the parent's custody for 1 year, and has formed a significant attachment to the petitioner.
The child has been abandoned.
The parent has failed to maintain meaningful contact with the child or to support the child.
The parent has been convicted of child abuse or a crime of violence against a child

By reading the above it should be clear that we would clearly go forward with the adoption, however is there always exceptions???

[joskids]

Stacy, it appears very clear to me that you are going to be fine. But I'm not a judge and I know why you still worry. I'm still praying for you. Enjoy your child. Life's too short to let others control us.

Hugs,

[Jaefer]

In KS, according to my lawyer, the wait is one year from the date of the finalization. But, my lawyer also said that even though we have to wait a year - since there has been so much time that has passed in which he has done absolutely nothing (6 months for us), then we would have to go to court but he does not believe that the judge would favor the BF because of his lack of interest.
I wish the laws were the same in every state. And unfortunately, it depends on the jugde you get and his/her point of view. Personally, I think that there should be no way that you could lose your angel now. It would absolutely floor me if that happened. You are in my thoughts...

[sadiegirl]

Stacy,

I don't mean to sound harsh but all your atty can say is "the longer you have your angel the better"?

If it were me, I would be making this atty dig and dig until they can find an answer. I would also think as far as abandonment, you listed, "The child has been out of the parent's custody for 1 year, and has formed a significant attachment to the petitioner."

This tells me, it's done and over. He gets no more recourse. He's done nothing and is out of luck.

Push your atty some more! Yeah, it will cost $ but what if they find an answer and it could be over soon. It would be $ well spent.

Keep us updated.

[MamaS]

Your attorney is correct. Possession is nine-tenths of the law -- the longer you have possession, the more likely the law will come down on your side if/when it comes to court.

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by Jaefer

And unfortunately, it depends on the jugde you get and his/her point of view.

In my case we have abandonment many times over. But because the bmom keeps requesting things (even when it has been over a YEAR without contact or a request for contact) it just keeps going. And yes, - the judge can interpret the laws in any way he or she wants. And in my case there is no appeal because judges are allowed to do that.

Also - IMO the attorneys LOVE to keep this going because THEY win - THEY get paid the longer it drags out. THEY look out for themselves.

We have been told the same thing over and over by every lawyer we have had: the longer we keep him the better the chances. The only thing I can see is the longer we keep him the better for our SON - but not the better for our case. I'm going to post a new thread in a minute and you'll understand more what I am talking about.

Love and many hugs,

Christie

[StacyKelly2]

The laws need to be set and followed through with. These angels deserve to have a place to call home and know that is where they are going to stay. It breaks my heart that this continues to drag on. I could not imagine a judge expecting us to just hand back this angel who has been with us since birth, that couldn't be in the best interest of the child. It is so clear we have done everything we could possibly do-notifying the birth father, paying for his dna test...
he has known since the birth mom was pregnant...Sorry, no excuse is good enough to let almost now 2 years go without doing anything! It angers me, that this could hold up the whole adoption process...putting nothing but worry in our minds constantly!! And it frustrates me that any court would allow this to happen and to continue - Christie S.- It is simply horrific what you are going through..and something I cannot imagine. I pray to God that when we go in front of our judge that she will understand we are more then just caregivers...Yes, biological parents should have a right to parent, but not doing nothing for now almost 2 years should simply speak for itself!!! Look into our home and you will see our angel is our world..we live as a family have since day one...If they expect us to erase or forget the last 2 years that is just impossible...and is downright wrong. A baby was placed with us for a reason..and God's will he will remain with us forever. Thanks for all the responses. Some days its hard to just not worry...We know in our hearts and our soul this is our son has been the day we first held him in our arms!!!!