[Stormster]

I'm a little worried that I'm going to make myself sick. I cried for 4 days (I'm talking non stop crying day and night) during and after our failed adoption. Now everything hurts and I still can't eat. I am feeling slightly better emotionally but why do I feel so sick and worn out. Should I stay in bed and rest or force myself out?

I know I should eat right (I'm not) Sleep (too much) take some walks (are you kidding)

Any thoughts would be appreciated. I just feel like cr-p.

[kelceesmom]

Stormster,
You are definately going through the grieving period. Here would be my thoughts on your health. You need to pick yourself up by the bootstraps. What if you get that special call and you are to ill to do anything about it. You need to have your strength full force so that you are able to take care of a baby. We all here do not want to hear that, God forbid, you have been hospitalized! You have so much to give so I urge you to slowly start doing the right thing for yourself. No one expects you to be happy all the time. Take one day at a time. Add something new to it to make you feel a little better. Just know that we understand and yes feel your pain. We'll pray for you and keep us posted.

[Stormster]

I hear you. Thanks. I do feel like I have a choice to cave or stand up.

Plus our ad budget is huge this month and we very well might get a call!

As it is we are already talking to a PBM due in May. That should keep my spirits up!

Love to you.

Gwenn

[kelceesmom]

Gwenn,
I am glad to feel you are taking a step forward today! Keep it up. You know that your time will come. It is a matter of "when" not "if". Stay strong my friend.

[Leigh131313]

just jumping in with some cyber hugs...


I hope life will return to a more "normal" rhythm soon.

[sadiegirl]

Well, I'd take a different tack. No offense to Denice but I think you need to wallow for awhile if need be.

Our 1st match failed a week before the due date, and I called in sick to work for TWO WEEKS. I even went to my dr to get anti depressants.

I do agree though, to take it one day at a time. Right now, you're crying all day, then it will be half a day, then a few times a day...you get my drift.

I mean, no disrespect but, if you were called right now, you'd be in no condition to be constructive anyway.

Take your time to grieve...it WILL get better. Take it from someone who's gone down this awful road

[bromanchik]

You could be dehydrated. This is actually a pretty serious condition. I have ended up in the hospital a few times with this.

Make sure you are drinking plenty of fluids... water, vitamin waters, juices. Avoid any drinks with caffine, they act as diuretics and will dehydrate you more.

And eat when you can. Low blood sugar can make you feel crappy too.

You know, when someone dies, people bring over meals and they help the bereaved grieve. Call those you love and tell them what you need.

[joskids]

Oh, Brenda, that is such good advice. Hopefully Stormster has friends that truly understand her grief. And until things get better, lots of us are thinking of her and praying she heals soon.

Josie

[katd402]

We're most likely going through a failed match right now, and it is all I can do to get out of bed in the morning. I totally know how you feel and just wanted to add my support.

[StorkWatcher]

I remember feeling - How can I go on about my day as if nothing has changed??? Especially when most people where I worked did not know about it, and I had taken a couple days off work. I would have taken more, but was trying to save up vacation days, in the hopes I would need them later in the year to care for our baby when it really did happen (and I did get to!)

I think it's important to give yourself time, but that fact that Storm is already questioning if she should be doing something different makes me think she's working her way through the processes, and is seeing the part of her that is ready to slowly get back to life.

Getting out of bed, eating a little better, and moving around does not mean you are missing that child less or thinking about it less. Don't feel guilty about trying to move on. It's the best thing for you, and for the child of yours to come.

Take a hot shower or bath, get a bit of fresh air if you can (even if it's just standing outside for one minute, if you're somewhere cold).

You're doing okay. It will all be all right - it's just going to take some time. This has been really rough.

Although I didn't have close friends or family that had gone through a failed match/adoption, I found that my girlfriend who had gone through miscarriage could identify with some of my feelings, and it was helpful to talk to them. I hope you have someone like that.

Keep on, keeping on! You're on the right track....

[Stormster]

I'm starting to feel better in terms of crying less and less. I went on Ryan's website to order his mom a locket and had to stop myself. That was the plan if I adopted him! I'm all upside down and missing him (and her to be honest!) Seeing pics of him was difficult. THAT CHIN was so distinctive even on a newborn.

The eating is still bad. When I do eat I tend to eat whatever is in the house. But I finally ordered some healthy groceries online....DH is useless with food. Great with everything else though!

As some of you know I paid Ryan's family's electric bill which was huge but I couldn't bear him going to a cold trailer. It was too much to think about it made me want to die. But also, Mom's boyfriend drove me to the airport in my rental car and I said he could keep it a couple of days to help with Ryan but now I'm scared he won't. I trust him but i'm still scared.

Anyway, I have enough to think about. I pretty much am taking the wallowing route. But I did shower and do my hair yesterday. When my mom died we got so much food....I wish someone would bring me:

Papayas (lime and salt) yum
A salad with chicken
Chicken Soup
A veggie Burger
Fresh fuit juice

You know what, I need to ask my sister. I don't know why I didn't ask her before.

Thanks everyone. Sorry if I rambled I'm so off lately.

Love, Gwenn

[sadiegirl]

Shower and hair is good! Just try to do a little more each day.

((HUGS))

Wish I could bring some food over...

[Stormster]

That is the sweetest thing to say you wish you could bring some food over it brought tears to my eyes.

In some ways these boards have kept me going, BETTER THAN FOOD!

Thanks.

PS I called Ryan "Little Man" also!

[sadiegirl]

You know, chocolate is ok too! Doesn't have to be all healthy! ;-)

Seriously though, YOUR story brought tears to my eyes b/c I know all too well how you are feeling. I honestly thought...WHY even get out of bed...what is there to get out of bed for?

So, I know I sound like a broken record...but it WILL get better. I'm not gonna say all those things I hated to hear, like he wasn't meant to be your child, or that yours will come or this is just one step closer to getting YOUR child.

One day at a time...and just try to do a little more each day. And KNOW that we are here and we can help and we will listen.

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by Stormster

I'm a little worried that I'm going to make myself sick. I cried for 4 days ...why do I feel so sick and worn out. Should I stay in bed and rest or force myself out?

Stormster,

I sent you a PM. You are depressed. And of course you are because this has been an incredibly sad journey.

A few ideas (JMHO):
Do something nice for yourself (get a pedicure, massage, whatever)

Let yourself cry and cry and cry until (at least for the moment) you are all cried out.

Write out your feelings.

Talk out your feelings with a person you trust.

If you do get out of bed and leave the house then reward yourself with something nice like a cappacino and desert.

Every day remind yourself that there WILL come a day where your baby will come to you and that it is worth it not to give up.

Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Christie